The Big Bang Theory

Hey, whatcha doing?

Improving our wedding photos.

Oh, that's nice.

Wait, I'm still in them, right?

Of course. And not only you.

I've added some guests who couldn't be there.

Who's that next to my father?

The Wright brothers.

And why are they at our wedding?

Orville, because I admire him;

Wilbur, because he was Orville's plus-one.

Oh.

You got an e-mail from someone named Tam.

Tam? What does he want?

Uh...

looks like he's coming to give his son a tour of Caltech.

He's hoping you guys can meet up.

He would like that, wouldn't he?

Well, that is the gist of the e-mail.

Who's Tam?

He was my best friend

in the whole world growing up.

Really? Why have I never heard you mention him before?

Oh, of course I have. I'm sure I've mentioned him,

like, five times this week.

I don't think you have.

Tam! Tam! Tam! Tam! Tam! There, it's only Thursday.

I didn't just drink the crazy milk, I bought the crazy cow.

So, are you actually engaged to this woman you just met?

Yeah.

Tell us the truth. Did she get you pregnant?

Very funny.

Guys, I need your help, okay?

I'm trying to buy her engagement ring.

What do you think of this?

Do you think she'll like this one?

Well, it's hard to say, not knowing much about her.

Does she have fingers?

Yes, she has ten fingers

and ten toes.

Probably. I'll get back to you after I see her in sandals.

Hey, did you guys know that Sheldon had

a best friend growing up named Tam?

Was that the imaginary talking koala?

No. He's a real person who apparently betrayed him.

Yeah, so did the koala.

I tried to ask him about it,

and he invoked section three, article five

of the marriage contract: beeswax comma none of your.

I can't pry.

I mean, I have to respect his wishes.

Wow. I wonder what that guy could've done

to make Sheldon not talk to him for 20 years.

I wonder if it'd work a second time.

I'm pumping!

It's Penny.

Oh. Come in.

I thought you were pumping.

I thought you were my boss.

Okay, listen, I'm really worried about this whole Raj thing.

I know, he's so desperate to get married, which is weird,

because I can't imagine we make it look that great.

I know, right?

You know, if this woman's gonna be around, I think

we should check her out a little.

I looked online. She doesn't have an Instagram,

which means she's either 80 or something's wrong with her.

Well, I could ask my dad.

Maybe he can get some of his old cop buddies

to do a background check on her.

- Would he do that? - Of course.

He's a retired cop who plays by his own rules.

Hi, Daddy.

No, everything's good.

I just have a favor to ask.

Yeah, so, my friend Raj

is marrying this woman that he barely knows,

and I wanted to see if you could use your connections

to dig up any dirt on her.

Uh-huh.

Sure.

Okay. Love you.

Is he in?

Absolutely not. He won't do it. It's totally illegal.

I thought you said he played by his own rules.

He does, but apparently, they're very similar

to the actual rules.

I still can't believe Sheldon had a best friend

we've never heard about.

Ooh, somebody's jealous.

- I'm not jealous. - Leonard,

this is a safe space... it's okay to be vulnerable.

All I'm saying is

you know the timing of a fellow's bowel movements,

you don't think there's a lot left to discover.

I wonder what Tam could have done.

Hmm. Well, if Sheldon doesn't want to talk about it,

it's got to be pretty upsetting.

I have his brother George's number... he might know.

Really? You have George's number?

So so jealous.

Yeah, sure, I remember Tam,

Sheldon's little Vietnam buddy.

The two of them were always running around together.

So, what happened?

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, Sheldon never talks about him.

They haven't spoken in years. He wasn't at the wedding.

He wasn't?

All right, well, this is embarrassing,

'cause I had a long conversation

with someone who I thought was Tam.

Wait, wait, so you don't know what their fight was about?

I wish I could help you, boys.

But, you know, Sheldon used to keep

an enemies list when he was a kid.

Oh, he still does.

Really? I figured

that went the same way

as his bathroom schedule.

If you mean digitized, annotated and put online, it did.

Maybe that'll tell you something.

Hey, while you're looking at it, if I'm still on there

for peeing in his shampoo bottle...

Eh, you know what, just leave it.

- See ya, boys. - Bye.

- Bye. - All right, got his enemies list.

Ooh, he updated the interface.

You can search by first name,

last name or length of grudge.

Is Tam on it?

Let's see.

Yep. Right here. Tam Nguyen.

- Oh, great. What did he do? - Hold on.

I have to agree to the terms of service.

No, I'm not a robot.

Okay.

"Which of these are plants?"

And we're in.

Great. What-what does it say?

Well...

"He knows what he did."

Oh, come on.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait, if Tam knows

what he did, we can just ask him.

He's gonna be on campus tomorrow showing his son around.

Won't that make Sheldon mad?

Everything makes Sheldon mad.

- Yeah. - Look at his list.

Jim Henson for, quote,

"putting a terrifying, giant yellow bird on television

and in my nightmares."

- Oh, this is so nice. - Mm-hmm.

Maybe instead of introducing ourselves to Anu,

we could just get a room,

order some food and take a nap.

Yeah, I've fallen for that line before.

It never leads to napping.

That must be her.

Oh. She's cute.

Okay, I got you two seats to Hamilton tonight.

Your tickets will be at the concierge desk.

Of course. My pleasure.

May I help you?

Yes, I'm here to pick up our Hamilton tickets.

Stop.

Hi. We're Raj's friends.

I'm Penny. This is Bernadette.

We just came by to introduce ourselves.

So you came to check me out?

She's smart. I like her.

We just want to see if we could take you to dinner

and get to know you a bit.

That sounds nice. How about tonight after work?

Maybe we can go to Bavel.

Oh, I wish. That place is impossible to get into.

Oh, please. Getting into impossible places

is my superpower.

Me, too.

I can fit my whole body in our dryer.

All set. 8:30.

Wow. Okay, well, we'll see you tonight.

- See you then. - Okay.

Bye.

She can get into any restaurant,

but the best husband she can find is Raj?

Not Tam.

Not Tam.

Not Tam.

Got him.

- Tam Nguyen? - Yeah. Yes.

Is my son done with his tour?

No idea. We're actually friends of Sheldon Cooper.

Oh, I've been trying to get in touch with him,

but I never heard back. Is he okay?

Well, if you mean physically, yes.

If you mean every other way, no.

- So, is he here? - Uh, no.

He-he didn't come.

He's, uh...