Red State

What are you gonna do this weekend?

- I don't know. What are you doing? - It's none of your business.

Did you finish that thing for your Lit class?

No. It's due in like two weeks or something.

Oh, sweet Jesus in the morning.

Again with these people?

He's burnin' in hell!

Because, if what the framers of our constitution mean-

What, Travis? Fifteen minutes?

If you prick me, do I not bleed?

Where you been?

I was dropping my grandma off at the airport...

and on the way back the Five-Pointers blocked up Lennox Hill.

Oh, so Abin Cooper's after you too now?

Yeah, and I ain't even gay.

Nah, you're not gay. You're just curious.

If anybody would know, it would be Jarod.

What?

All right, all right, all right.

So every once in a while we add amendments to the Constitution...

to expand, or more importantly, define, the parameters of our rights.

Like the First Amendment-

which Abin Cooper practiced this morning on Lennox, making Travis late.

Those people are such assholes.

Okay. I'm gonna let that ride because this is a passionate issue...

and because, yes, they are assholes.

Wait. Who's Abin Cooper?

He's that creepy church guy...

that's always saying how God's all pissed off at everybody.

Yeah, him and his family are the ones...

that are always holding up signs outside of funerals and stuff.

This was they were protesting the funeral...

of the gay kid who got killed two weeks ago.

Yeah. Jacob Harlow.

He went here. I didn't teach him, but he went here.

It was all over the news, right?

Jessie, I am both happy and sad...

that you don't know who Abin Cooper is...

but, I mean, come on.

Abin Cooper and the Five Points Trinity Church...

they're like right in our own backyard.

Come on, Mrs. Vasquez, Cooper's Dell is like 30 minutes away.

Yeah. Too close.

Abin Cooper holds our entire state up for ridicule.

All right? Ultraconservatives avoid this guy.

Did you know last year the head of the largest Neo-Nazi faction in this country...

issued a statement distancing his politics...

from Cooper's and Five Points'?

Even the Nazis think this guy is "nuckin' futs."

All right, let's just hope that the Cooper clan sticks with the First Amendment-

- Why? - And stays away from the Second Amendment.

- What is the Second Amendment? - We get guns.

What is this, man?

It's like Craigslist for people who want to get fucked.

I thought Craigslist was Craigslist for people who want to get fucked.

What kinda dirty shit you lookin' at, boy?

Fuck, faggot!

Touch my dick again and see what happens.

- Such an animal. - They're all the same, man.

- You can't see any faces. - Oh, shit. You showin' him?

Dude, get your fuckin' flappers outta here.

Yeah, look, it doesn't matter. You can see the tits.

You can see the fuckin' pussy, man. Fuck the faces.

How we know we wanna fuck the face unless we can see what they look like?

- Right, thank you. - You fuckin' bag their head, man. All right?

Look, these bitches wanna fuck.

Even if they do wanna fuck, they're all in New York and LA.

Lots more in LA Look-

New York. LA.

- Road trip. - LA.

- LA- - I get the point, all right, but look.

This one's a little closer to home.

Holy shit! Cooper's Dell?

- Let me see. - No fuckin' way!

We're gettin' laid, boys.

How do we know she's gonna fuck us, or even one of us?

I've been talking back and forth with one for two weeks now.

She says she's interested.

Fuckin'-

I just got a little hard.

I don't wanna fuckin' fuck some chick that he just stuck his dick in.

- Look, look- - His greasy-assed fuckin' dick.

It's not greasy.

There ain't gonna be no sloppy seconds, boy, okay?

She wants to fuck all three of us at the same time.

- Jesus Christ. - I call the ass.

You're not gettin' the fuckin' ass.

What if this turns out to be one of them Catch a Predator deals?

Who we preyin' on?

We're the fuckin' minors here. She's the one who says she's 38.

Jesus. It's gonna be like fucking my mom.

I ain't sure it ain't your mom, motherfucker.

- Fuck you. - I don't think I should go, man.

I'm having some doubts over here.

Oh, you're going.

You don't think the three of us balling this woman in the same room...

is a little faggoty?

Jesus Christ, man. Don't be so fuckin' middle-class.

I'm gonna take the car out, all right?

No, no, no. Hey, we're gonna be on TV in a minute. Watch.

This was the scene this morning outside the funeral of Jacob Harlow...

the 19-year-old whose body was found last week...

in a Dumpster behind a well-known gay bar on Slattery Drive...

bound head-to-toe in plastic wrap.

Harlow is the latest victim in a rash of hate crimes...

that have rocked the city this year.

Pastor Abin Cooper and the members of his Five Points Trinity Church...

staged their 432nd funeral demonstration since 2001.

- This is Catherine Carlyle- - Oh, oh, oh! There we are.

There we are.

- I'm sleeping with a TV star tonight. - Yeah, you are.

How'd you know we were gonna be on there?

Barbara called me. She saw it on the 5:00 news.

So you gonna tell your friends we're famous?

- Probably not. - Smart ass.

Where you off to tonight?

I don't know. Just gonna drive around with Jarod and Billy-Ray.

Probably go see a movie or something.

Fill up the tank before you bring it back.

- Can I get some money for gas? - No.

Later.

So how are we gonna do this?

How do you mean?

Talkin' about how are you gonna get under us.

- What are you talking about? - Me and the lady.

You fuckin'-

This is what happens when fuckin' parents block porn sites, man.

They make socially backwards kids.

How about you just pull over and let me out.

Come on, man. You're being- Oh, fuck!

- You hit it. - Fuck.

You fuckin' hit it.

Why the fuck are we gettin' out?

It's so fuckin' dark out no one could see us if they were looking.

Holy shit! Look at your fuckin' car.

Your fuckin' car!

- Are you kidding me? - Holy shit, man.

Dude, that's, like, a lot of... damage.

That sucks, man.

Who the fuck parks their car on the side of the road like that?

You think there's somebody in there?

I don't know, man. Nobody's here.

Why the fuck did you stop?

Oh, fuck. You got 'em real good.

- Holy fuck! - Fuck!

- Fuck! - Get in the car! Get in the car!

They ain't following us.

Why in the fuck was that guy on the side of the road?

Who cares, man? Let's just keep fuckin' going.

- My car's fucked up, man! - Well, guess what.

Your car's gonna be fucked up when you get home too.

So why don't we just keep going?

We're in Cooper's Dell already.

We'll hate ourselves tomorrow if we don't do this.

- I'm not gonna hate myself. - I'm gonna hate not getting that pussy...

so let's not take this little fender-bender as a bad omen, boys.

Let's fucking do this!

Lasso me some pussy!

She lives in a trailer?

You live in a trailer, motherfucker.

I was just askin'. Damn.

You Jarod?

This here is Travis, and that's Billy-Ray.

I bet you boys wanna get up to the devil's business, don't you?

Well, devil's right in here.

You look lovely.

How 'bout a beer, boys?

Hey, Pete. Can you believe it? I got sideswiped tonight.

- You get 'em? - No.

I was parked and they kept movin'.

Why were you parked?

Oh, I was makin' a reservation for Helen, tomorrow night for our 19th.

I'm thinking about taking Darla someplace special...

for our fifth next month.

Someplace overseas, you know?

Like maybe Italy.

Soon as I win enough off these doggies.

Well, win enough to do this damn body work on my car, would ya?

Dumb-ass kids.

How you know they was kids?

I don't know. They was in some kind of Mom-mobile.

Suppose that's mighty keen detecting skills there, Sheriff.

Yeah, well-

I'm gonna need you to go out there and find 'em.

You kiddin' me? I'm off the clock 10 minutes now.

The only reason I'm still here is 'cause you're so damn late.

Jesus Christ. Just go out and find the damn car, will ya?

It's a blue Volvo station wagon.

Geez.

This is nice.

You boys finished your beers yet?

- I'm workin' on it. - Almost. Almost.

Takes me a few beers to work up to the sex.

So get drinkin', 'cause I ain't drinkin' alone.

And I don't let no man in me unless he's got at least two beers in him.

Thank you, ma'am.

Makes sense.

This is nice.

Will you close your fuckin' legs?

It's like a shag.