Shrinking

Cheater, cheater, cheater Cheater, cheater bitch

Cheater, cheater bitch, cheater...

What's that?

Summer's making TikToks now, calling me out.

Cheater, cheater bitch Cheater, cheater, cheater bitch

It's been a week of this shit.

I'm over it.

Hate to say it, song kind of slaps.

It's a total banger.

- It's got that... - Yeah.

Cheater, cheater, cheater Cheater, cheater bitch

Cheater, cheater bitch

- Cheater bitch-- - I can hear you guys.

Sorry.

How was dinner with your folks?

Great. I've been teaching my dad how to play Call of Duty .

We stayed up all night shit-talking twelve-year-olds.

- They're destroying you two, aren't they? - Yeah. They're assholes.

Also, you remember my army buddy, Jorge?

The guy I hid from?

He's coming back to town, and I'm actually gonna hang with him.

That's great. In the therapy biz, we'd say you're trending upward.

Thanks.

Still, I guess the best thing about all this,

I discovered sitting in the shower.

- I don't think I'm ever going back. - Tell me about it.

Until I got my shower stool, I don't think I'd ever washed my feet.

That's nasty.

Dad, you're oversharing again.

Why haven't you left?

Finally. Are we going?

No, wait. I gotta fill my water bottle again.

Okay, that's gonna take an hour.

I'm gonna start my hiking conversation now.

Charlie and I signed the paperwork. We've decided to adopt.

Yay!

- Hey! - Congratulations.

- Thank you. - How did you land on adoption

as opposed to just spotting a baby you like and having Liz steal it for you?

I would totally steal a baby.

We know.

So, this way, at parties I can get all emotional and be like,

"It's like our baby adopted us."

That's the best.

- Yeah. - You'd be good at that.

I'm just excited to see you with a dad bod.

So was I, but I lost a coin toss with Charlie

to see who gets to let themselves go and who has to stay shaved and ripped.

Guys, though, we can't get too excited,

because Stuart said it might take forever.

But I don't get it.

How did you navigate the Mebane deal without upsetting the partners?

You know, I just got in the sea about it and I figured it all out.

- Congrats. - Got in the sea about it? I like it.

That's my favorite way to solve problems.

Anyway, I...

You know, I just stopped by to talk shop with my mentor.

- That'd be me. - That guy.

And he also told me that you were gonna be here.

So I decided to put on my tightest pants

and remind you that the guy

who asked you out on your voicemail still exists.

- Okay. - Unfortunately,

I think I put on a couple of pounds

'cause these bad boys are cutting off the circulation to my gooch.

They are tight.

I'm gonna head out, peel myself out of these pants.

- See you later. - Bye.

- See you, Derrick. - Bye.

How do you let those two scoops just walk away?

What I'd do to that if I was a woman.

Good news, Derek, you don't have to be a woman.

- Grab a spoon. - What's the spoon for?

All right, listen up.

I'll admit, okay, I let that get away from me a bit.

After the stuff happened with my mom, D-Two did call to check in on her,

but I didn't answer because I felt bad that I didn't reach out first

- after I bailed on him. - Wow.

Plus, now I think I'm a little intimidated because if we do hook up,

then he would be, like, the hottest guy I've ever been with.

- Yeah. - Right.

One of the hottest.

No. The hottest by far.

Did you see that guy?

I am this close to throwing it all away for a threesome with the Dereks.

Well, thanks for including me.

Only if the other one's there.

Okay. Yes, he is very attractive,

but who's Gaby's second hottest?

- Keith? - Oh, my God! Keith.

- Keith was hot. - Keith. Yeah.

- He was crazy hot. - I still text him.

So, we have Derrick.

Then we have Keith coming in a hot second.

- Yeah. - Then we have...

Jimmy.

Jimmy.

- Joey. - Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God. - Joey who lives in his van? Joey?

- Yeah. - Yeah, a cool van.

And he had a big ol' dick.

Can't beat that.

- No. - Fuck Joey.

Are you okay, boo? I mean, I'll put you in fourth.

I'm fucking third, and you all know it.

Let's go hiking.

Cheater, cheater, cheater Cheater, cheater bitch

Cheater, cheater bitch, cheater--

Summer's talented.

I know. It's so catchy.

- Yeah. - I know you're seeing Alice later,

so I just thought you should know what she's dealing with.

Hello?

Come on in, Dan.

Sorry, but where were you sitting?

Right there.

He can't handle the warm spot.

Then you two will have plenty to talk about.

Have a seat, Dan.

Stan's wedding is tomorrow.

He's my closest friend, but he'll be busy getting married,

and sitting alone at a table of strangers is my nightmare,

so I don't think I can do it.

Dan, you know how I'm always preaching about forward motion?

Forging this friendship with Stan is a huge breakthrough,

but I think maybe it also gave you the opportunity to stop.

Stopping can be forward motion.

Stopping can't be forward motion.

Look, big part of friendship is being there for each other.

Do you wanna show up for Stan or not?

Yeah. I'd love to be there for him.

Then you're going to that wedding.

I doubt it. I'm terrified and stubborn. It's a deadly combo.

Dan, I'm sorry, but in terms of patients, I'm on a fucking hot streak.

I might be undefeatable, which means you and I,

we gotta break through this wall.

In one session?

You're right, that's insane.

Okay. We're gonna spend the whole day together.

You and I are gonna kick this problem's ass. Starting now.

Shit. You know what? I have another patient scheduled for later,

and I'm supposed to get my teeth cleaned.

All right, I need to make some phone calls

and then we're gonna kick ass. Starting now.

It's your own warm spot, Dan. You're fine.

Thanks for bringing me coffee again.

Even though I do have class in five minutes, so...

- That's okay. - Yeah.

I was gonna tell you all about myself, but I'll condense it.

Please do.

I'm from Massachusetts.

Allergic to penicillin.

I love anything Alfredo, even though I'm not great with dairy.

I once met Craig from Craigslist. Terrible dude.

Wow, there's, like, two deal-breakers in there.

Which ones?

Well, definitely the Alfredo-making-you-shit-your-pants part.

Worth it.

Oh, shit.

- What? - It's Keisha. Don't look.

Wow. Yeah, she's coming. Is she a threat? Should we run?

No, she's here on a track scholarship. She'll catch us.

- Jesus. - Hey.

What's up?

My essay on family systems is due, like, right now.

Could you read it and give me notes?

Just to be clear,

you want me to read and fix it before you give it to me to read again?

Yes, please.

Ovaries of steel. I like it.

- Here. Give it to me. - Thank you.

Sorry. Once again.

It's okay, because now I'm gonna use your guilt

to make you go on a real date with me later.

- Really? - I'll go out with you right now.

- Wait, what? - What?

You're always talking about self-care. I mean, this is self-care.

Also, I have it on good authority that her coochie is on lock.

And yours is open for business?

Inappropriate.

But, yeah. 24-7.

I'm not sure what your deal is, Keisha,

but you should probably patch things up with your dad.

Keisha, do not fuck with my game.

Derrick, let's do it. This afternoon.

- All right. - Wow.

Well, I had to. I needed to shoot my shot.

Excuse you.

Is this gonna affect my grade?

I'm gonna level with you, Keisha, probably.

Probably.

Okay, why would anyone wanna sit at a communal table?

This is classic exposure therapy, Dan.

Did you know that fear-inducing situations,

they activate this little cluster of neurons in your amygdala?

And exposure therapy can help silence those fear neurons.

- No way. - Yeah.

I didn't follow any of that.

You just trust me. It works.

I used to be afraid of spiders, for example, so I got this book on 'em.