Episodes

I didn't know you'd invited her.

I brought her for you. Ohh.

And I didn't get you anything.

It just seemed like you guys were really hitting it off,

so I thought I'd give you some space...

you know, away from... ehhhh!

Why am I even worrying about this?

I completely trust him.

The question is, do you trust her?

You are a brilliant, brilliant writer.

I can't believe I get to work with you.

Oh, yeah, fuck me!

She hates me. Who?

Nah, she's just hating me.

You're getting, like, the overflow.

You think? Yeah.

I'm really the star of her hate.

You're, at best, co-hated.

Trying to kill her with your mind?

Mm-hmm.

For some reason, it's not working.

Oh, God. Now she's got what's-her-name from the network hating me.

Who? Oh, her.

Are they still staring?

Don't! Don't look.

You're a fucking lunatic.

How many diet pills did you take today?

I don't take diet pills.

Okay.

Last night, I...

Last night, I saw Sean

wanking to a porn video of her.

Oh, Jesus.

Is that thing still online?

You know about it?

Are you kidding?

Merc used to make us watch it.

It helped him. Eww.

So, what did he say when you caught him?

He didn't see me.

Oh, God. I remember that video.

She has the most amazing abs.

Hey.

I don't know how she does it.

I do, like, a bajillion crunches a day,

and I still look like a "before" picture.

You really can't not talk about you, can you?

I know. That's the problem.

Hello. I hear you two stoners

made quite a night of it last night.

Um...for the record,

that is not something I make a habit of.

Heh. You had pre-rolled joints in your bag.

Yeah, well, I also have tampons in my bag.

But I only use them once a month.

What?

He likes to pretend that doesn't happen.

That's not true.

Menstrual flow. Ahh!

Wait, wait, wait.

You guys have a hiatus day tomorrow, right?

Thank God!

Free for lunch?

Oh, that'd be fun.

Not with me. With Merc.

That would be less fun.

Oh, come on. You'll schmooze,

you'll talk about the show,

you'll tell him how great it's going.

Is there a problem?

Hmm, not a problem per se.

The way you say "per se", it's like...

"It's not a tumor per se."

There's a chance

Merc may have cooled on the show a little bit.

What? Five days ago, he was over the moon.

That was five days ago.

We're shooting a lot of pilots now.

Bright, shiny new things.

I just think if you have lunch,

it'll give him a chance to remember

how crazy he is about the two of you.

Seriously?

Merc's just one of those guys.

Sometimes he needs to be reminded

of the people he loves.

Back on you?

Oh, so what?

Hi.

Hey, what are you doing here?

How'd you get past the guard at the gate?

I waved.

Of course you did.

Is Beverly home?

Why? I need to talk to her.

I couldn't sleep last night.

I feel like, for some reason, she hates me.

She...

She doesn't hate you.

Honey, don't bullshit a bullshitter.

Look, um, she doesn't hate you...per se.

She's just a little jealous.

Jealous of what?

She has these, um, ridiculous concerns

that there might be a certain...

attraction between us.

Why? I don't know.

She sees us together on set.

Doing what? Nothing. That's what I told her.

That's crazy. I'll talk to her.

Also, I may not have helped the situation

by telling her about our little...

uh, moment the other night.

Are you being funny?

I can't tell when you're being funny. What moment?

At the charity thing, when you...

asked me to drive you home.

That wasn't a moment.

It was a bit of a moment.

No, not a moment. Hmm...

I asked you to drive me home

because I had too much to drink.

Okay.

Hey, smuggy. I wasn't asking you

to "drive me home" drive me home.

I have a boyfriend. We live together.

You do? Uh, yeah.

And even if I was looking for something else,

it wouldn't be with my executive producer.

You don't shit where you eat.

What about toilets in restaurants?

Wow, you really can't tell when I'm being funny.

No. Wait! This is a bad, bad idea.

First of all, you'd be waking her up,

and then she'll definitely hate you.

A better plan might be... we let this go.

No, you've got to talk about stuff.

You see? Here we have

a significant cultural divide.

Our people don't believe in talking about stuff.

We prefer suppressing the stuff and letting it fester.

It's kind of our thing.

Listen, I know my wife.

However well you imagine this conversation will go,

it will only make things worse.

Listen, we've got one more day of shooting.

Let's just get on with it, and everyone can calm down.

I don't want to lose my job.

You won't lose your job. I'll see to that.

I promise.

Okay.

Thank you.

And that was also not a...

Not a moment. Not a moment.

Yeah. Okay.

What are you doing?

Bev, what are you doing?

Stop. No.

Please. No!

I'm going home. You stay.

You're obviously flourishing here.

Is this because I went surfing today?

Okay, obviously it's not because I went surfing.

Bev, come on, talk to me.

Bev. Bev!

Look, I realize L.A. hasn't exactly been your favorite...

This isn't about L.A.

Bev, come on.

Front door ajar.

Wait. Is it about the show?

It's one more day of shooting, a week in post.

Move.

Front door ajar.

One week. Then the work will be done,

and we can both leave together, with our heads held high.

Heads held high?

Have you not seen our heads?

It's all we can do to not kick them when we walk.

All right, look, we've made some compromises...

This isn't about the fucking show.

Front door ajar.

Then what is it about?

Front door ajar...

Does this bitch ever shut up?!

You know what this is about.

What?

Morning? Oh, my God! Look, I'm telling you,

I have no interest in her at all.

I saw you wanking to her the other night.

What? I... No, I... How did...

How did? Who did? I... I...

Front door ajar...

All right!

There may have been a little wanking!

But there is nothing between us.

I just saw you with her. What?!

I saw you with her just now!

I saw you hugging her in front of our house!

She wasn't here! She...

There was... She wanted...