Web Therapy

Previously on Web Therapy...

What is it? What is it, Robin?

You want to bring down the campaign to, what,

get back at me for I-don't-know-what?

I was addicted to her, and she was my drug.

And you flushed her down the toilet.

I did that for you.

- Thank you, Fiona. I... - Well, you're welcome.

I love you too. I love you too.

We're gonna have to learn to get along.

But the one good thing that we have

- in common is Kip. - What?

There are so many positive reviews for Net Therapy

that Google started to pay attention at that point...

- What? - ...and is making us a huge offer.

We had proximity last night.

And look where that led.

Do you have memories of the future?

I... No, I don't.

I bought you that apartment you liked in New York.

The penthouse?

- Well, but it's not accurate. - Oh, really?

I'm going to be in New York next week.

It's easy enough for me to meet you for drinks.

- Oh... - I'd love to offer to help.

Hm. Fantastic.

This is fun, writing songs.

And it's so easy.

Hello, Jackson.

- Fiona. - Yes, it's me.

It's so good to see you.

Yes, and it's fine to see you too.

- Listen... - How are you?

Well, I'm fine. I'm...

You look beautiful.

Oh, thank you very much.

Listen, this is gonna be awkward, okay?

Because I'm not calling to reconnect.

I'm simply calling

so that I could retrieve my Rolex watch.

- I remember this. - What?

What's about to happen.

Oh, the future memory. Yeah, okay.

Good. Do you remember, then,

returning my watch to me?

- You lost your watch. - Yes, okay.

I "lost" my watch in Laguna,

because I had taken it off so that...

honestly, out of, you know, thoughtfulness toward you.

I didn't want to scratch you, you know, so...

But you did anyway.

You know, if you took it, then, you know, I'm sorry.

I left it out, and it was tempting to you,

given your position, sort of a...

you know, the commoner and the princess,

trying to hold on to that piece

or, you know, feeling that you could

aspire to the likes of me.

I mean, I understand.

You think I took your watch?

Well, it's a Rolex.

I-I'm sure that it is.

- You know. - Oh.

No, I did not take your watch.

- Oh. - That's so sweet.

You're so sweet, but transparent.

Transparent? Well, "sweet" I understand.

You're trying so hard not to love me right now.

It's a stunt, but I'm pulling it off, I think.

"Love me.

All I need is your love. All I need is love."

Well, you can find it from someone else more in your station.

I'm speaking in your voice.

- Oh. - That wasn't me talking.

- Oh. - That was me talking as you.

Okay, it didn't sound like me, so it wasn't...

You're so beautiful.

Yes, thank you.

You're handsome too.

And I'm sure there's gonna be

a very lucky waitress or some, you know,

shop clerk who's going to be thrilled to be with...

You're probably, you know, a very good salesman,

'cause it looks like you have a nice office.

You have a lot to offer, Jackson.

You really do.

So why don't you stop

ramming your head into this brick wall?

Just be happy with yourself.

You don't need me.

What I hear you saying is,

"I am giving myself excuses to call you

"and to see you and to connect with you

and to love you."

I guess that's from your perspective, but...

All I can do is see the world from my perspective.

- Right. - That's all anyone can do.

No, I think people with compassion

can see the world through others' eyes.

And that's what I'm trained to do, so...

You're shrouding yourself.

I see it. You're shrouding.

All right. Send the watch to the Laguna resort.

Thank you and good-bye.

I love you.

What an exhausting human being that is.

Uh-oh.

I guess I didn't pack it.

Oh, hello, Kip.

Hi, Fiona, you look... You look good.

- Oh, so do you. - Listen... Oh, thank you.

Ben and I want to use the Fire Island beach house this weekend.

Actually, we're leaving tonight.

So I just want to make sure you're not gonna be there,

because we're arriving.

Well, of course I'm not gonna be there.

Why would I be there?

Because sometimes you use the house and I don't know about it.

So you're not gonna be there, and no one's there?

- That's all I want to know. - No.

No one... No one will be there.

Why are you asking her for permission

- to use your own home? - Ben, Ben,

- because we share the house... - Yes, because it's my...

We're married, you know, so it's my house too.

That was my anniversary present from Kip.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

- So yes, he should ask me. - Well, then, he has.

So let's fight about it some more.

Everything's fine.

So... so we can just continue packing and...

- I'm sorry. - Okay, all right.

This is your fam-- your home in New Mexico?

Yes, it is.

It's Albuquerque, which is known as the Paris of New Mexico.

- Oh. - There are so many galleries

here, Fiona, you'd love it, really.

I would love it?

We're out every night going to galleries

- and meeting people, it's great. - Oh, that's wonderful.

You can get into the gun...

Isn't there a big gun culture out there now?

Guns? Yes, I think there are guns.

There are guns in the house, probably.

There's also a constitution.

- Yeah. - No, but that's good.

If you ever want, you know,

a future again in politics.

- I've got a future in politics. - Yeah.

I'm just taking a little time off.

No, but it's good to be in line with the...

you know, the NRA.

I completely agree with their slogan,

"Guns don't kill people.

People with guns kill people."

- Is that it? - That's not...

- No. - Yes, it is.

It's "People kill people."

People kill people, not just with guns.

They kill them with knives and with kindness.

- Ever tried that? - Yeah, but their point...

They're trying to defend guns.

And of course, a gun is not capable of premeditation.

And a gun is not capable of escalating emotion.

So of course a gun can't kill people.

It's people with guns kill people.

That's their point.

- Is it? - No.

And this is why

I have been telling you she is toxic.

- What? - You are a toxic person.

I think that's a strong word.

You are like a turd from North Korea.

- Ben... Okay. - Radioactive poo.

You know what? Whatever you think

- about guns is your opinion... - No, I'm just...

- They're very popular here. - I'm quoting the NRA.

No, you're not. You're actually not.

Okay, I'm informing you on what their position is,

because you need to get in good with them.

- No, we're in fine with them. - Yeah.

And the reason why we are is 'cause we know what the slogan is.

And we're friends... We have friends with guns.

We do. Darius and Devon.

- Devon... Our friends with guns. - Mm-hmm.

And they conceal them and carry them.

- Isn't that what they call it? - It's conceal/carry.

Conceal/carry. There are some women with...

that have... two mommies with their children.

- We have bravo parties. - Bravo parties.

You know, I know more about housewives

than I ever thought I would know.

He does the best Phaedra impression.

I'm not doing it now. Don't ask me.

He won't... He has to be high.

- Okay. - What?

- Oh, very smart. - It's one of the housewives...

- It's Atlanta. - Atlanta, that's what it was.

Phaedra, he does. "Mmm, I got a donkey booty."

- But he does it better. - I'm not gonna do it.