Snatch

My old man, Vic Hill,

is of the firm belief that people are born fully fixed.

Some people are born kind, some people are born evil,

and that he was born just plain naughty.

Stay where you are!

Put down your weapon!

Off, now!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

-He's never known what it's like to earn a straight living

and never had any interest in finding out.

He'd rob banks, blow the shutters off armored trucks,

and have a crack at cracking any safe that couldn't be cracked.

Happy New Year, Dad.

Happy New Year, Albert.

Oh, looks like I'm in the doghouse again, son.

Yeah, Mum went to sleep.

- I need to tell you something, Albert,

and I need you to listen very carefully.

You know when a kid at school has got something that you really want,

and you spend all your time thinking about how to get that same thing for yourself,

and you sit there, scratching your noggin, plotting all the different ways

that you can earn the money to get that BMX that you want so badly,

and you slave your little bollocks off every day,

and you just can't seem to squirrel away enough money to get that bike.

And I really wanted that bike.

- Yeah, well, Albert, there is a way to get it.

You just have to take it!

- Take it? - Yeah.

You must not get caught.

You make sure that you're super duper smart and cover your tracks,

because if you do get caught...

the bubbles will go flat in your pop.

- Have the bubbles gone flat in your pop, Dad?

It seems that way.

Now, you... take this.

It's a lucky charm. Now, go upstairs

and don't come back down no matter what you hear.

No tears, son.

You're a Hill,

and Hill's don't cry over flat pop.

Go.

- Mornin', mate. - Hello.

- You're all right? Yeah, good.

- Morning, Albert. - Hello, my love.

How are you? - Good, love.

Thank you!

Morning, Albert.

Hello, Eddie. It's for you.

Hello, Mum. - Morning, Albert.

- Good. Give me those. - Oh, they're all overdue.

Bills don't pay themselves, Albert.

- Yeah, well, don't worry. I'll sort it.

Charlie in? - Since we opened.

- So have we gone artisanal, Charlie boy?

Brahms and List.

A vanilla and cardamom infusion.

Wholesaling at 400% markup on piss-cheap Serbian vodka.

-And you found some tourist stupid enough to buy all this hipster shite, have ya?

Come on, Charlie, you know we need

as much cash as we can to bet on Billy's fight tonight.

-Yeah, the mixologist is my second cousin on the Cavendish Scott side.

-Ooh! A deal stamped in blue blood. That imbues me with confidence.

-Oh, yeah, I mean, we could always just flog it out of the back of a van again,

but that business model hasn't really worked for us to date, has it, Al?

- You know, when Billy wins tonight,

we can start to leave all this small-time shit behind us.

I mean, let's face it, this is not sustainable, is it?

Head down, arms swinging out.

Yeah? All right.

You be a good boy and load all that into the back of the van,

and I'll see you in a few.

- What did your last peon die of?!

All right, Albert?

- Morning, Patsy. I was gonna call you today.

- Yeah, well, I thought I'd save you the bother.

Which way's the wind blowing, Albert?

I do need a bit more time.

Come on, Patsy, I am good for it. You know that, don't ya?

- Well, I'm starting to wonder, son.

You been tap-dancing around me quicker than Fred Astaire on the nose candy.

- Listen, Patsy... - No.

You listen.

Don't think because you're Vic Hill's boy, I won't come down on you.

Money's owed, and money will be paid.

You got until the weekend...

or I take a finger...

and the florist's.

I've always fancied having me own concession.

All right, mate?

Keep working!

Hands up, all the time!

And a... Yeah! One-two, one-two!

Come in behind that left! Beauty!

-Would you tidy this place up, Billy? It's a shit hole in here!

- Don't remember exactly inviting you over.

Right, and what are these?

Thought we had an agreement.

No funny business 48 hours in the lead up to the fight.

Don't worry about it, Al.

I only went three rounds, you know.

What's up with you? - You know what's up with me.

I told you this fight is important. We're six unbeaten now.

We win tonight, I might be able to push things forward,

make some proper money for a change.

I'm sick of scraping by hand-to-mouth, Bill.

I'm sick of living on that freezing cold barge, you living in here.

- I'm sorry to break it to ya, that's every day shit.

So you gonna tell me what's really going on?

-So I'm right on the back foot with the bills, you know that, don't ya?

Mm-hmm.

-I took out a loan against the florist to cover 'em and now I'm late on the payments.

- Who'd you get the money off, Al?

You went to Patsy. -Well, listen, when you're the offspring of Vic Hill

you're not exactly welcome at the bank!

Well, does your mum know?

-She will do when he kicks her door down, 'cause I ain't paid him back.

And how much do you owe?

- Twenty grand. - Twenty grand?!

- And counting, unfortunately. - Jesus.

-Anyway, I'm gonna go and do a bit of business with Charlie.

I'll come grab you before the fight.

Look after yourself today!

Stay hydrated.

See ya in a bit.

-So which one of you Girl Scouts is game for a little cuddle then?

-Mmm! Lovely lox this, Hate 'Em All. Where'd you source it?

The Friendly Screw, Vic.

- Oh! Well, he is a man one can rely on.

A quality rarely seen in our line of work these days.

- Used to be you knew who you knew.

- Yeah, and stood where you fucking stood.

- Well, you're right, anyway, look.

What you in the mood for today?

Apple or pear? - Hmm.

I think I'll go with the mix today. -Apples and pears it is then.

There you are. - Lovely.

- Well, lighten yourself up, Mrs. H is on the phone.

Fifteen years in the shovel,

and still yet to enjoy a peaceful bit of breakfast.

I was just telling Hate 'Em that my greatest achievement

is having you stay married to me for all these years, Lily.

- You got egg on your chin, Victor.

Oh, be at a loss without ya.

Hello, Mrs. H, yeah?

Hello, handsome.

So, what's the gossip, Lil?

- Just everything shipshape for Johnny Reid's big send-off.

-Oh, we make a few quid out of it? -Hardly.

But all money is good money, right, love?

- Good luck to him at the pearly gates.

Wonder if St. Peter will take a bung and let him in, the vicious bastard.

Oh, is that Albert?

I haven't heard from him in a couple of weeks.

- He's a busy boy. - Busy with what?

Flogging moonshine?

- Busy doing what he can to keep us above water.

It's not roses at the minute, Vic.

-Albert needs to understand that this small-time stuff is simply not sustainable.

More chances to get nicked.

If he's gonna play the game, he needs to go in heavy.

-Oh come on, you were still trying to find your feet at his age.

Yeah, but I had ambition.

- So does Albert, he's managing Billy's fight career.

He's gotten him a decent ticket tonight as it happens.

- Billy's fighting tonight? Where's that, then?

- You keep your beak out of it, Vic Hill.

- Oh, any chance of a viewing, Lil?

Come on, I could really do with a good night in.

No, I wasn't planning on going.

I don't like seeing Billy fighting.

- Ooh, you could put on that red dress I really like,

the one with the low-cut front.

Show 'em all what I'm missing.

-Turn it. What's the matter? I'm trying to have me breakfast.

You daft sod.

I'm only daft for you, sweetheart.

I'm only daft for you.

Hey, Vic?

Did you know that the robin redbreast is actually five and 3/4 inches in length?

El Flamingo?

Did you fall off your rocking horse, Charlie?

Everyone knows this place is fronted by Sonny Castillo.

- And that insane, wannabe Cuban has a zero tolerance policy

for any liberties of any description being taken inside his establishment.

It's urban legend, Al.

Sonny Castillo is a legitimate businessman.

- I'm not an accountant, Sonny, but I can count heads,

and we had a club full last night.

That was down to me.

We made a deal.

Ten percent of the takings, and this is not ten percent!

Always with the drama, Lotti.

You need to center your fire, baby girl.

Yeah.

You're right.

I'll torch this place to the ground with you in it.

Hey, hey!

You make me wanna salsa.

I swear to God, you got to have Cuban blood.

-Give me what you owe me, you pig, or I'll leave you so fast.