Web Therapy

That was the longest shower in the history of time.

What do you do in there?

I can't find my briefcase.

What are these--what are these paintings doing here?

Oh, I had to put them here

'cause this is now my office for my--

- But they were in the bathroom. - And now they're here.

They were in the bathroom and now they're here.

They look nice against the wall, so see?

They were a gift from my law partners.

- Well, then... - Wait.

This is the award I got from the bar association.

Oh, is that what that is? I like that sculpture--

It was in my office.

Yes, I removed it from your office and brought it here.

It looks good. See, look how good that looks.

Are you doing therapy now?

Not right now, I'm not doing therapy with no one.

- I'm not insane. - But there's my briefcase.

- And my computer. - Yes.

That's where I put-- No, don't touch it.

- No, I have it all set up. - For what?

So that you could see--

I'm gonna demonstrate what I'm doing.

I think you should know what your wife is up to now.

Okay, what do we do? What are we gonna talk about?

Kip, you have to look into-- that's what it's set up for.

We don't look at each other like--

I'm not having anyone at the house, all right?

- That's the beauty of this. - Yes, I know.

You don't pay for an office rental anymore.

I know, you had six patients, what was the point?

You're not due in court or anything,

so let's just have a little mini-session.

I want to include you in my life.

I think that's a nice thing.

- Yeah, okay, good. - All right, good.

- Three minutes, here we go. - Three minutes.

And you can pretend to be someone else,

or just be yourself.

Whichever is more comfortable for you.

Hello, I'm Dr. Fiona Wallice.

How are you?

And you have to look at you--

I won't be sitting with you, obviously, that's why...

See, it's over the Internet?

But I'm in the room with you.

Pretend that you're not, and pretend that you

could only see me-- access me through--yeah.

I get it. I'm not an idiot.

Okay. Let's go.

You do a good impression of one.

I'm sorry, that was unkind.

- I'll bring that up in therapy. - It was funny.

- Okay, good. - Yes.

All right, make up a name.

Mm, well, call me Bill.

My name is Bill, and...

Oh, Bill, that's so ordinary.

Well, uh... Okay, William.

- William. - Hi.

Okay, Kip, you're William.

- Okay, I'm William. - Okay, hello, William.

- I'm Dr. Fiona Wallice. - Hello.

So why is it that you have chosen

to see me at this juncture?

I haven't chosen to see you,

- but obviously we're mak-- - Please pretend.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I really have no idea. But I'm William,

and I have--my wife is a controlling kind of person.

- Good pretending, okay. - Yep.

Um, oh, controlling in what way?

Well, just, you know, she's very pushy.

She-she--she likes to-- she likes to get what she wants.

She made me buy this house.

Right now, you see, you like to play the blame game.

She's--she's just a very needy woman.

She's needy sexually, she's needy financially,

- she's-- - She's needy sexually?

In what way? That she'd like to try it out?

You know, I don't really wanna talk about this.

Yeah, let's not talk about that.

I don't think that'll get us anywhere.

First of all, why open that can of worms?

I agree. All right, so let's think

why might your wife be a little controlling?

Well, it beats me. Just...

Maybe she doesn't get much from you.

Well, she-- she gets plenty from me.

She gets a lot of my money,

which she spends just frequently and without--

- On what? - Just--

Ways to make herself look prettier for you?

Well, that and a lot of--

a lot of I would say waste, really.

Is she included in your life?

Do you bring her to your firm's Christmas parties?

Well, she sometimes has a habit of

- embarrassing her husband. - Oh!

- Sometimes at these parties. - How would he know

if he doesn't pay any attention to her

or what she's doing?

He-he-he sees her,

you know, as she takes off her blouse.

Well, maybe she spilled wine on her blouse.

- Yeah, well-- - All right?

Mm-hmm, maybe she did.

Maybe she was trying to fend off one of the partners.

Maybe Janowitz was making overtures

that were inappropriate, because her husband

wasn't in evidence, and she was vulnerable.

She was drunk,

and she did spill the wine all over her,

and all over several other people, and--but you know,

that's not the worst thing. I mean, that--

Oh, there's worse than having a cocktail?

Let me hear this horror that you're married to.

She tends to--she tends to be a bit flighty.

She left a financial firm, a very good job,

in a kind of suspicious circumstances.

We're not quite sure what really went on.

- Whether she was fired-- - We're not quite sure?

Or you don't listen to her, so you're not quite sure?

It's never really been totally explained.

How long have you been married, William?

Um, I think it's been...

- 17 years. - 17 years?

- Yep. - Oh, that's a long time.

And how long have you been...dissatisfied?

How long ago was the trip to Aruba?

That was... That was two years after we--

- 15 years ago. - Yeah, so since then.

So you've been unhappy for 15 years--

You know, unhappy's--yes.

Okay, let's just-- It's fine.

- Go ahead. - We're all calm, and fine.

You've been unhappy for 15 years in your marriage--

- And a half. - 15 and a half years.

- Mm-hmm. - Of your marriage,

you've been unhappy. And then yet,

you haven't done anything about it.

Because I'm a very supportive husband,

and I think that if I-- if I--

Could I just have some regrets about the commitments

- that I've made-- - Can I tell you something

- about what I think? - What's that?

That either you're not as unhappy as you think,

or you're a terrific coward and weakling,

and don't know how to take care of yourself at all.

Otherwise, you would've left.

No, I'm happy.

That's what it sounds like.

All right, very good. Our time is up.

- Great. - Do you see?

Do you see how long that took?

- Yeah, long-- - Isn't that wonderful?

It feels like an hour.

Okay, I'm gonna go and have a good day.

Okay, bye. Mwah.

Thank you for doing this, Kip. Really I apprecia--

And if you wanna tell any of your partners

or junior partners at the fir--

Oh, let me turn you off.

All right, now you can take your laptop and your briefcase.

And don't forget to tell everyone in your firm,

the partners and junior partners,

what a wonderful modality this is for ther--

- We'll see you later. - All right, thank you.

Will you be home for dinner?

Oh, bye.

Okay.

Aruba.

Oh, wait, that was our honeymoon.

- Well, it is you. - It is me.

- It's you. - Hello, Richard.

- Hello, Fiona. - It's so nice to see you again.

It's good to see you. Actually, I can't see you.

I wanted you to see me without my glasses, but I--

- There you are, wow. - Oh.

I didn't--this is my first time with therapy,

so I just-- I didn't know what to wear.

Well, you don't need to dress for therapy.

- Yes, that's true, you don't. - Okay.

Oh, it's been a very long time.

How did you hear about me? Or that I was doing this?

Well, you know, over at Lachman Brothers,

they were talking about you by the cooler over there--

Oh, which guys? The guys what?

Well, Bob and, you know, Steven, and...

- Jeremy? - Jeremy was there.

- Yeah, good. - Russell wasn't there.

- He's, uh... - His opinion never counted.

- No, it didn't. - As far as I'm concerned.

It didn't as far as I'm concerned, too.

Anyway, I'm kind of nervous

because I've not done therapy.

And I have some things I wanna kinda talk about.

But I don't wanna do it for a whole hour,

or I don't know if I'm gonna like this.