The Comeback

And pan. Yeah. Good, yeah.

You see that?

I'm gonna be in Chicago on Broadway!

So fun.

If you happen to be in New York City July 4th, 2023,

come check out my opening night.

I think there might still be tickets.

- We don't have to say 2023... - Yeah?

because I'm dropping this tomorrow.

That's right, yeah. Although for prosperity, right?

I don't know. Should I do it again? What do you think, Jane?

I don't know.

I don't do social media.

Right, yeah, that's right.

Okay, here, let me just have a look.

- Valerie. - Huh?

We need to get you in hair and makeup.

Oh, yeah. Doing social media as per, right? Gotta get the S&M done.

I'm coming. Alright, Jane?

Patience? Yeah.

- Are you sick? I can't get sick. - No. No, sorry, it's allergies.

- Okay. - Allergies.

Been rehearsing for two weeks. Haven't met my cast yet.

So excited for them to...

For me to meet them. You hit the door?

- Yeah. - That's okay.

Oh. Careful walking backwards.

You'll get it. You're new. Okay. Sorry.

Jane, everything okay? Did she block you?

- No. - No, you got us both?

Yeah. I mean, yeah, I did.

Okay. You don't seem happy.

I'm sorry, did I... Was I in your way? I...

No.

Jane, feels like you don't wanna be here.

Well, I feel like I have to be.

Okay.

Is it

is it 'cause of the money?

Because I gave that to you as a friend.

This is uncomfortable.

No, it isn't. No.

I don't even think about that 25,000.

I don't. When I give something, I give it with my heart, okay?

I feel like I'm indentured.

No, you're not, no.

No, you're paying me back by the work you're doing.

Yeah, that's what "indentured" means.

No, no, no, Jane, we've got...

We've got work to finish, right?

- I don't know, Val. - What don't you know, Jane?

What don't you know? I gotta get into hair.

It... It's just... It...

This feels like the doc we were doing ten years ago. It's not new.

Okay. Well, I'll tell you what's new.

I've never been on stage before.

Yeah. Got to LA,

and went straight into guest stardom on sitcoms.

She's covering all that.

Well, if she can cover all that, why do I have three cameras in there?

- I don't know. - Well, I do.

Because we want it to be good. We both do.

- Valerie! - Yeah?

- We are waiting for you. - No, you're not.

- I'm on my way. - Perfect.

Okay, that's good. Yeah?

Alright, you're on board? Let's do our doc,

Valerie on Broadway.

Okay. Stop, stop. We have to stop.

Again, really?

- Oh, yes. - Okay.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

You're not hitting the downbeat with your head.

Your head bops need to be much sharper.

Uh-huh. Okay, got it. Yeah.

Mm-hmm, and your lips aren't matching.

- Mm-hmm? - You're a half beat behind David.

Okay, who's David?

- I am. - Okay! Alright.

Sorry. Sorry, everyone, okay?

I thought I'd have a chance to meet all of you

and just say, "Hello, I'm Valerie Cherish,"

you know, so we could bond.

- Right? Yeah. - Yeah.

But I get it, you've got a show tonight,

so, no time to be polite.

- I get it, yeah. - Okay.

- Yeah. - So, you need to speed up.

Speed up. Well, now, the nice man I was rehearsing with for two weeks

had them slow it down a bit so that I could get it.

- You know? - He did us no favors.

Okay, I'll get there.

When?

- You have to get there now, Valerie. - Yeah. Uh-huh.

This is your only rehearsal with the cast.

Before... Yeah. It's just... You know what?

It's just... It's all so different, that's all.

You know, the music's really coming at me.

You know? It's just so completely different

from just the piano, right?

And the drums, wow. Are they too loud?

- 'Cause it's... - No.

- too much. - That's the beat.

That's the guide track for your head bouncing.

- Okay. - Elsie, do you wanna show Valerie?

- Oh. - Yes!

Oh, thank you, great.

Okay, I'm gonna grab a water.

Well, Patience, can I have a water?

Alright, take it from the bridge.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Yeah.

That was...

Yeah. Wow.

She's a dancer. I'm not really gonna be able

to hit it that hard, or I'm gonna snap something.

You know?

Yeah. And question.

Is this the Real Housewives version?

Yes, this is the dumbed-down version.

Okay, so this is the dumbed-down.

Uh-huh, okay. I'll tell you, there's no audience.

So, it's just so hard to feel whether or not it's working.

It's not working.

Yet.

- Right. - Yeah.

- Okay. - Yeah.

Back on his lap.

Okay. Another question.

Am I doing anything right?

You're so funny on the lines.

Aw. Thank you, darlin'. Sorry.

Wish I had time to learn your name.

Stephen.

- What? - My name, Stephen.

Ah. Okay, good, yeah.

And we're bouncing on the drum beat.

Same place.

Five, six, seven, eight.

What are you doing with your hand?

Oh. Trying to

get the rhythm down so I can practice later in my hotel.

You know?

Yeah. Just trying to save my neck.

Hm.

Yeah. Where's the nice one?

- Yeah. - It's perfect.

Alright. Jane? Jane?

Oh, there you are, Jane.

Yeah, I think all this is just NG.

All of it?

Why don't we take a five?

- That's great, a five? - Yes.

- Okay, yeah. - Yeah, let's do that.

Mark, this is hell, okay? This is hell.

- Can you hear me, Mark? - I can.

And Mark, it's nothing like the movie.

Now, I'm wondering, maybe I should have seen the show

before I said yes.

The music never stops. Song after song, it's relentless.

You'd go nuts.

Well, musicals aren't our thing.

No.

You know, maybe I shouldn't come.

No, don't come. Yeah, thought it would be fun.

It's not fun. It's hard.

And, boy, they have an issue with every single thing I do.

Val, why don't you just quit?

You didn't even wanna do this in the first place.

There's nothing else to do, Mark, the writers are on strike,

and I get to be in a Broadway show, you know?

And...

I can't quit.

I have a contract. I really can't quit, you know?

How am I quitting? Me? "It's really hard."

No, no. And all those fans coming to see me for July 4th holiday.

- Oh, wait till you hear this. - Yeah.

So, Greg and I are in the break room

and we're remembering, you know, stupid jokes

that you're not allowed to tell anymore.

So, I told the one about,

- what's the... Val? - So, it's not allergies.

Sorry.

- No, that's alright. - Are you listening? Val?

Sorry, gotta go. We've got COVID here.

What do you care? You had it a month ago. You're immune.

Yeah.

What are you doing out of costume?

Oh. I told you she'd quit. I win.

No, I'm not quitting. I've got a positive COVID test here.

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

I'm getting married next week.

Well, but you're okay, 'cause this is from someone on my team.

She faked a COVID test?

We get it, Valerie. You can't do it.

Okay, who said I could?

Can't dance, I can't sing. I'm not a Broadway-caliber performer.

Why'd you ask me?

Guess they were up to the 'V's?