Firefly

We're in trouble.

We got cut off.

- Cut off from what? - Our platoon, Simon.

We got out playing for the Independent Squad...

... and we won't make it back to our platoon.

We need to resort to cannibalism.

That was fast. Don't we have rations or anything?

They got lost. We're gonna have to eat the men.

Aren't you supposed to practice for your recital?

I learned it all.

- That's wrong. - It's from the book, River.

No. The book is wrong. His whole conclusion is fallacious.

So how'd the Independents cut us off?

They were using dinosaurs.

Language, young man.

Sorry, Dad. The Independents attacked us with dinosaurs.

Simon lost his head in the heat of battle.

Because there were dinosaurs involved, I think we'll let it slide.

- Did you get my wave? - I got it. Your text shorted.

I got it during a board meeting. Thank you.

If I had a dedicated source box, it wouldn't short. I lost half my essay.

Yes, and you'd have access to any tien sha duh that filtered in from the cortex.

I absolutely forbid it.

- Dad. - Dad.

I will not have it in my house.

But since your mother's ordered you one...

... I should give up the fantasy this is my house.

Are you kidding?

You will repay me by becoming a brilliant doctor. That's the deal.

Dedicated source box, brilliant doctor.

- When do I...? - Many years.

Dad, this is so...

- It's really gonna... - I know.

You think I'd let you work with something second-rate?

- Thank you. - You're worth it.

Is it possible for you two geniuses to give your tired old dad...

... a couple minutes quiet?

No! No, I don't want to go in!

- It's okay. - It's not okay.

You can't dig into me, shove 20 needles in my eyes and ask me what I see!

I... We won't go in. Look.

- No test today. - No rutting tests?

Stupid son of a bitch dressed me up like a gorram doll.

No tests, no shots.

Come on. I'm just gonna give you a smoother cuttle.

River!

Not him.

So she's added cussing and hurling about things to her repertoire.

- She really is a prodigy. - It's just a bad day.

No. A bad day is when someone's yelling spooks the cattle.

Understand? Ever see cattle stampede when they got no place to run?

It's kind of like a meat grinder.

- And it'd lose us half our herd. - She hasn't gone near the cattle.

No. But in case you hadn't noticed, her voice kind of carries.

We're two miles above ground and they can probably hear her down there.

As soon as we unload, she can holler until our ears bleed...

... although I would take it as a kindness if she didn't.

The human body can be drained of blood in 8. 6 seconds...

... given adequate vacuuming systems.

See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with.

Long as she does it quiet-like.

This is paranoid schizophrenia, captain, handcrafted by government scientists...

... who thought my sister's brain was a rutting playground.

I have no idea what'll set her off.

- Lf you have some expertise... - I'm not the doctor.

And I'm not your gorram babysitter either.

Gag her if you have to.

Got trade to be done.

You see that?

Fancy vessels such as that don't land here unless they got something to sell.

If it happens to be something we need, we take it.

It's about time you broke in them pretty shoes.

Get along!

You know, they walk just as easy if you lead them.

I like smacking them.

Hope this corral's strong enough to hold them.

Shepherd's a purely figurative title, you know.

Next time we smuggle stock, let's make it something smaller.

Yeah, we should start dealing in those black market Beagles.

Little soul, big world.

Eat, sleep and eat.

Many souls.

Cattle on the ship three weeks, she don't go near them.

Now we're on Jiangyin and she needs to communicate with the beasts?

They weren't cows inside.

They were waiting to be, but they forgot.

Now they see sky and they remember what they are.

Is it bad that what she said made perfect sense to me?

Come on now, let's get you clear of the work.

What's going on?

- What are you doing? - I'm fixing to do business.

I can't be herding steers and your sister.

- She didn't mean any harm. - I never figured she did.

But when a man engages in clandestine dealings...

... he has this preference for things being smooth.

- She makes things not be smooth. - Right.

I'm very sorry if she tipped off anyone...

... about your cunningly concealed herd of cows.

I'm starting to think you've got too much time on your hands.

I've got a notion regarding that.

Why don't you take your sister for a little walk?

- A walk? - Yeah. Someplace away.

Well, probably best we stay close. Alliance has us marked as fugitives.

Closest Alliance is the cruiser Magellan, hours from here...

... and I promise they ain't coming to Jiangyin.

Still, I'm not sure it's such a wise suggestion.

I wouldn't mistake it for a suggestion.

Don't worry. We won't leave without you.

Does it seem every supply store on every water planet...

... has the same five rag dolls and the same woodcarvings of...

What is this, a duck?

That's a swan.

- I like it. - You do?

Looks like it was made with, you know, longing.

Made by a person who really longed to see a swan.

Perhaps because they'd only heard of them by rough description.

Do you think this'd make a nice gift?

A gift? For whom?

I just kinda like it.

It's rich, you know.

Oh. For Simon.

I didn't say that.

You don't do a very good job of hiding your interest.

He's just so...

You just wanna take a bite out of him all over, you know?

Careful.

Morning, you two.

Don't usually see you two out and about planet-side.

Yeah, we're trying something different today.

River...

Be careful with that. That's...

- What is that? - That's a post-holer.

You dig holes.

For posts.

It's, it's dirty and sharp.

Let's come over here.

"Jiangyin Prairie Paradise".

Good God. They're asking money for this crap?

Hard to believe, ain't it? Glad you're out.

Give you a chance to have a little fun.

Fun. Right.

I consider this fun.

It's fun being forced to the ass end of the galaxy...

... to get to live on a piece of los soh ret.

And eat molded protein.

And be bullied around by our pien dyododo chowren of a captain.

It's fun.

Los soh?

Sorry?

Serenity ain't los soh.

- No, I didn't mean... - Yeah, you did.

You meant everything you just said.

Well, no.

Actually I was being ironic. So in the strictest sense...

You were being mean is what.

And if that's what you think of this life...

... then you can't think much of them that choose it, can you?

River?

This is the last time, last time with cows.

Hear there's an idea regarding Beagles. They have smallish droppings.

I believe so, sir.

Also, your disreputable men are here.

Better go take their money.

Morning, gentlemen.

Must be the Grange brothers. Hope you're in the mood for beefsteak.

Attractive animals, ain't they?

They ain't well-fed. Scrawny.

Milk and hay, three times a day.

- Fed to them by beautiful women. - That was something to see.

They's branded.

You are hitting on the selling points. The first brand's a giveaway.

Claim them as your own.

Twenty a head.

That's an amusing figure, since you agreed on 30 with Badger.

That's before we saw them.

They're atrophied from being on a ship for a month.

My comprehension is less muscle, the more tender the meat. Thirty.

- Problem? - No.

About a minute from now, we'll agree on 25.

Seem a mite jumpy to you?

Morning, officers.

I'm thinking maybe we walk away entirely.

I'm thinking you do that, and we got ourselves trouble.

Morning, ladies.

Serious trouble, of the you-owe-us variety.

I can go to 25.

Well, we'll be taking a loss, but you seem like clean and virtuous boys. Done.

Marcus and Nathaniel Grange, you are wanted in connection...

... to the illegal killing of Rance Durbin. You are bound by law to stand down.

You know, I'm starting to find this whole planet very uninviting.

Yeah.

- Careful with that! - Seems we have ourselves a situation.

Who are you?

Just a bystander.

- This your beef? - No, sir.

You're looking at the proper owners right there.

I'd like to see some paper on that cattle.

Come on, hurry it up!

- Here we go. - Never goes smooth.

How come it never goes smooth?