Almost There

synced and corrected by peritta

You said "Natalie."

- What? - I'm Amy.

Yeah.

When you orgasmed, you said, "Natalie."

No, no. Oh, My God. No, no, I didn't.

Yeah, you did.

No, I don't-- oh, I don't think I-I--

Yep, totally did.

Okay. Uh... I-I-- I think-- I can--

- Who's Natalie? - I can explain.

- Okay, well-- - Let me just-- let me just--

Please do.

Okay, um... See, Natalie was, um...

She was a-- a woman.

Well, that's a relief.

Yeah, a woman who...

Um...

Did she die?

What?

I am a very spiritual person,

and your chakras are getting so clamped down.

Did she die?

Yeah.

Yes. She did. She died.

Well, yeah, we were in college together

- and she was my... - Girlfriend.

...girlfriend in college.

And she just died suddenly?

- Suddenly. - How?

I-- I-- it's hard to--

- Cancer, or...? - No.

No, wait, you said suddenly.

You said suddenly.

- Car crash? - It was a car crash.

Oh, My God, that's terrible.

- Tell me more. - It was Christmastime.

No, no, no, no.

Yeah, we were driving home to...

...visit my parents.

And the roads were icy, and I lost control of the car.

And I-- that was it.

That was all I-- I-- I remember.

That's just so, so sad.

Yeah.

Thanks for--

I'm sorry that I-- that I called out her name.

No, I'm sorry for judging your orgasm.

You know, it's funny, Jung says that

pain and ecstasy are intricately linked.

It's so sad.

It's really very sad.

And so hot.

That's very-- what?

- You need to be taken care of. - Okay.

Let me take care of you.

I-- I don't--

Let me turn your pain...

into ecstasy.

Mm. Mm.

Morning, sunshine.

Okay, forget changing the locks.

Laser beams are going to burn you to a crisp

if you come in here without asking again.

Good thing the laser beams are inactive,

'cause that chick would have been toast.

What are you talking about?

The lady who left about an hour ago.

I offered to cook her breakfast, and she politely declined.

Yeah, probably because you freaked her out.

Carter, why are you camped out on my couch?

Because I airbnb'd my place last night.

- Really? - Yeah. 230 bucks.

They're from Kenya.

Wow.

Anyway, I didn't freak her out as much as you freaked her out.

You called her "Natalie."

Did she tell you that?

No, I heard you, 'cause I was asleep and you woke me up.

Carter, gross. You were listening to me have sex?

What is this, college?

You have not moved on from the Natalie.

Yeah, well, I'm in process, okay?

It's just ludicrous, this whole thing.

To spend my time chasing after a fantasy woman

that I spoke to for five minutes in a bar?

You know, the real Natalie probably picks her nose

and eats tofu burgers and is super-clingy.

That's why I like this girl.

She's-- you know, she's not like that,

and I-I dig that about... her.

- Amy. - Yeah, Amy.

- Yeah, her name is Amy. - I know her name's Amy.

You didn't know her name.

- Sure, I did. - No, you didn't.

I knew her name, but, you know, 'cause I'm a social guy.

Hey, buddy, why's your hand buried

in the cushions of my couch?

Please tell me it doesn't have anything to do with last night.

Uh, so, I'm in a bit of a situation here.

Did you... literally get your hand caught

in a cookie jar?

Pickle.

You're astounding.

I astound myself. Can I explain?

Yes, please explain.

So, last night, my connect, he gets me

this beautiful, medical-grade product from Colorado--

Furry Buds.

- That must have been exciting. - Oh, I nearly peed my pants.

You can be honest.

I did pee in my pants a little bit.

Continue.

So, you know me-- I don't smoke my own product.

But in this case, you make an exception.

- You've got to make sure it's okay. - Exactly.

- So, I get John Starks-- - Your six-foot bong.

Mm-hmm. I put just a little bit in, I take a little...

- You know? - Half a toke.

Not even.

I can't feel the fabric of my face anymore.

So, you get some rageful munchies.

- Yes, and you know me. I'm a sweets guy. - Mm-hmm.

And last night, though, I was feeling a little salty,

and I was craving pickles.

You don't have pickles in your fridge.

Diane has pickles in her fridge.

I'm gonna go ahead and stop you.

At some point, you're gonna have to stop

breaking into other people's apartments.

I have a key.

It's for emergencies.

This was a craving emergency.

I understand.

There's only one pickle left in the jar--

it's taunting me.

I shove my hand in...

And now you can't get your hand out of the jar.

Where's the pickle?

It's still in my hand.

Uh... Uh... I'm gonna get a shower now.

- Can I get a little help? - You cannot get a little help,

because you got yourself into this mess,

you're gonna get yourself out.

Where's the love, man?

Love is an idea past its prime.

Hey, if you're thinking about listening to me have sex again,

don't-- it's very weird.

Oh, God, please.

Aaaaah!

Come on.

Aaaaaaaaah!

Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!

Oh, God!

Henry.

Clearly, you've put a lot of work into this paper.

Is something wrong, professor?

Everything's wrong.

It's solid, but it's boring.

It's expected.

And that's not what I wanted for you.

I wanted you to search inside yourself

for something unexpected.

And I realize I sound like Yoda when I say that.

I-I don't think I quite understand, professor.

Okay.

Try to understand this, okay? Watching?

Holy shit.

Yeah. Getting a little life out of you now.

- How's that feel? - I... I...

- You finding your center? -

Feeling a little rage right now?

I think you're feeling a little rageful right now.

W-w-why did you do that?

- Why did I do it? - Yeah.

Because "Carpe diem," Henry.

Carpe diem.

'Cause I want you to seize the day, Henry.

Do you understand?

I want you to go out there and treat today

like it is the first day of the rest of your life, Henry.

I still don't quite--

You're chasing a mirage, buddy.

- Yeah, a mirage, and they're not real. - Doc, I have health careforms for you to--

- Mirage-- - I'm just gonna leave these here for you.

Thank you. Great. Thanks, Soph.

Okay. Henry.

We all die, right?

That's inevitable.

The question we have to ask ourselves is this--

How do you really want to live?

I was just hoping to get an "A" on my paper.

And that's such small-minded thinking, Henry.