Queen Bees

Pine Grove. This is Ken.

Um, hello. This is Helen Wilson at 227 Cosgrove.

Would you repeat what I just said?

"Helen Wilson. 227 Cosgrove."

Good. Um, I just wasn't sure you could actually listen.

-I'm sorry, I-- -Because I've called this place at least a half dozen times...

...requesting that you stop sending me your brochure.

-Pardon? -You know, just, like, don't waste any more paper.

Save on the postage,

because I am not now,

nor will I ever be,

at all interested in living in your swanky old people's home.

-Have you got that? -Well, may I--

Thank you. Goodbye.

Hey, Helen. How are ya?

Still breathin'. You?

Hey, you ever decide to list your house again,

my sister's offer still stands.

As I've told you before, it's not for sale.

Tell your sister I'll list it when I'm dead.

Grandma, you did it again?

Maybe we should put a spare key in one of the pots.

Yeah, but then I'd forget which pot.

I'm so impressed.

Only three weeks on the job,

and you're already assistant manager.

Did they give you a raise?

A little one, but it'll help at school.

Mmm, makes me very happy

that you decided to further your education.

"Education is the most powerful weapon to..."

"Change the world."

Nelson Mandela. Yeah.

I must say I am going to miss our Thursday teas.

You could always invite Mom instead.

When's the last time you saw each other?

I don't remember. Sure you do.

Do you really wanna go back over all of that again, what she did?

Grandma, she didn't do anything.

She tried to talk me into selling my home so she could have a sale.

-That's not what she did. -You're gonna side with her now?

You and Mom are the two most important people in my life.

When I go away to school,

I wanna make sure that you're both gonna be okay,

that you're gonna talk to each other, be nice to each other.

I can't come home every time you two have a fight.

Communicate to her,

"Life is 10% what happens to you

and 90% how you respond to it."

Lou Holtz.

Wow! We're quoting football coaches now?

Mr. Holtz happens to be a published author.

-I only quote authors. -Snob.

"In three words, I can sum up

everything I've learned about life."

"It goes on." Mm-hmm.

Robert Frost.

I taught you that when your little hamster died, remember?

Grandma, it goes on.

Papa's been gone for nearly three years now.

You stopped teaching, you don't go out, and Mom lives so close.

And she wants to help you and she wants to see you, but you shut her out.

She's a pain in the ass.

And she's bossy!

Besides, I'm fine.

Really? Yes.

Whenever you want me to believe something you're saying is true,

your eyes, they get all squinty and twitchy.

They do not!

Yes, they do. They're doing it right now.

I am not! You are doing it right now.

I am not! Just like this. "Mm-mm-mm."

No, I don't do that.

Yes, you are. Go check.

Look. There.

Oh!

Damn it.

Ugh.

No!

Mom?

Mom!

How'd you sleep, Grandma?

Okay, I guess.

Thanks, honey.

What is it? Oat bran.

It's good for you. I eat it all the time.

I don't usually eat... cereal for breakfast.

-What are those? -Calcium.

Good for the bones. I'll get you some water.

Mom's getting an estimate from the contractor.

-Oh. -He still has to see it.

But based on what information I could give him,

he thinks demolition and remodel will take at least a month.

That's ridiculous! It's not that bad.

-Yes, it is. -You should just stay here.

O-Or you could stay with your sister.

Teresa?

Yeah, she, um-- She told me she saw a spaceship last week,

and they tried to abduct her,

but she couldn't fit through the door 'cause she was too fat.

Well, she has put on a few pounds.

That wasn't exactly my point.

What about...

Pine Grove?

No!

So you're the one behind their harassment.

I should've known.

Always trying to control every situation.

I'm controlling? You're the one who kept the truth from me

about how sick Daddy was until towards the end.

-What do you call that? -Oh, not again.

You were going through a terrible divorce.

I didn't think you needed any more stress in your life.

It wasn't your decision to make. He's my dad.

It was up to me how to get through the end of his life.

- Not you. - Forgive me.

I am sorry that I was trying to protect my daughter from pain.

Stop trying to protect me. I am a grown woman.

Yeah, well, you-- You tell them to stop sending me these things!

Mom, if you were at Pine Grove,

this fire would never have happened.

I-I think the best choice for you,

for all of us right now,

is to just go check it out.

Maybe stay there for a little while until your house is done.

All right. I'll check it out.

-But I am not spending the rest of my life there. -Don't be dramatic.

And I better not find a For Sale sign on my front lawn.

Mom, honestly, for the last time, will you...

Your house was never for sale, I promise.

You are the only one who can list it.

I just... I just asked around

to see if people would be interested if it were for sale.

Yeah, but it's not for sale.

And I am not interested in selling it.

You look at a piece of property, and you see a commodity.

We're talking about my home.

Your father and I built that house together.

We painted the walls.

We-- We planted the garden.

We carried the tiles home in our lap from Portugal.

We raised you there.

Mom...

I know that you think that I'm being a terrible person,

but I love you,

and I am concerned for your safety.

First the flood and now a fire.

I think it's too dangerous for you to live alone.

No, it's not.

But...

I'm gonna need to stay at some place

during the renovation.

I'll stay there.

But as soon as it's over, I'm back home.

Welcome to Pine Grove!

- Oh, is that everything? - Uh, it's enough.

I'm only gonna be here a month.

Welcome to Pine Grove!

Hope you're hungry.

Morning, ladies.

Welcome to Pine Grove.

- I-I'm Arthur Lane. - Welcome to Pine Grove!

Is somebody going to say that every 12 seconds?

Is your mom on any special medication?

My mother takes pills to cure her dry sense of humor.

I see.

Mr. DeNardo, I'm on a really tight schedule today.

Can we get my mom settled in? Yeah.

Beautiful, right? And this is just the beginning.

Walk with me, won't you?

In addition to activities in the main lobby area,

we also feature art classes, bingo,

and we have speed dating once a month.

Speed dating?

I've always preferred slow dating myself.

Now, this is my office.

Feel free to come see me if you ever need anything.

Ah, this is our certified massage therapist, Lito Santos.

Yeah, he also teaches yoga and tai chi.

Welcome to Pine Grove!

Could you send a memo around to everybody

to stop saying that?

I'm welcome. I've got it.

Will do. Yeah.

I'm gonna be gone in a month.

Moved out, not dead.

Very nice to meet you.

Oh, uh, how do you do?

I'm Helen Wilson. Mmm?

And this is my daughter, Laura.

Whoa, tall!

My grandson, Peter. Also tall.

Just so you know, these are very healing hands

filled with very positive energy.

Ah, I see. Thank you.

Excuse me.

-Lito? -Yes?

You seem like a very upbeat, spiritual person.

Thank you.

She hates that. So do I.