The Lone Paddler

The Lone Paddler

Should we get a GPS?

We're not spending 300 dollars for three days.

Disconnect to connect man.

It's a good thing I brought you along.

I'm pretty sure I brought you.

Hey, woah!

I've been to far too many of your brodeos

to allow you to plan this weekend.

The last time you bring me anywhere,

I ended up playing 7 minutes in heaven with a guy named Moe.

And that was challenge by choice

I brought the women, I brought the booze, I brought you.

End of story.

I should be on the cover of...

"Guns Magazine".

Yeah, You're definitely pin-up material.

Do you need a license to buy one of these?

Awh, Cin.

What? A gun wasn't on our shopping list?

No, Silly.

We're girls.

We're in charge of the food and dish soap.

Lets be careful not to break any nails.

You're right. Plus John would never...

Alright.

I'm not coming on this camping trip

if you're going to be gushing about him the entire time.

What do you even care?

I'm trying to set you up with Kevin.

Oh god.

What is all this stuff anyway?

Only the absolute essentials.

Mmmh.

And you want me to pretend you're not the weirdest guy I know?

Nobody goes camping without a good utility knife.

Cords have a lot of good uses:

1 - we'll use it to tie the tarp when it rains.

2 - we'll need it for the bear hang and

3 - well ropes can be used for almost anything

so I got two.

Flint and steel wool are just backup

in case our matches get rained on.

And that dry sack is for our map.

If anything is sacred out there, it's the map.

Once you get to the wild

everything looks like trees and water.

Kevin, you're quite the survivalist.

Driftwood Park is not a place

you want to get caught with your pants down.

Really? Three nights in a tent with Cindy,

that's pretty much my entire goal.

Remind me again..

Why am I doing this?

Because three's awkward and because

John and I are trying to work out some stuff.

And you thought bringing along John's ex was a good idea?

Of course.

You're the weirdest girlfriend ever.

Fine. It wasn't totally my idea.

Is John trying to pawn his friend off on me this weekend?

No! We're all friends and it's not like that at all.

Kevin's a really nice guy.

My grandfather is a really nice guy.

Uhhm... Let's pick up some water tablets.

Screw the water tablets lets get our filters.

What are his three best qualities?

Bachelor style?

Yes please.

Okay

He's honest,

Water filter?

Yeah They're great until they break.

And they always break.

Then we drink from the lake like two of Indians

He's loyal,

That's totally racist.

You're totally racist.

He's always there for you to talk to

When you're pissing out of your ass

don't come complaining to me.

And he is always there for you when you need him.

I brought bleach anyways.

That shit will kill you.

Also, they're here.

Trial by fire baby.

What took you guys so long?

No hello? No, great to see you?

You're late.

I'm sorry.

I really am.

But we were shopping for this weekend

getaway with my girlfriend

and I wanted to pick her something

to let her know how much I love her.

So you never get lost.

Wow thanks.

Jenny, this is Kevin

Uhh..

I already told him all your dirty little secrets.

Jen. And you don't know half of my dirty little secrets.

It's nice to meet you Kevin.

We met a few times in school.

What?

It's nice to meet you.

So, did you get everything on the list?

This ain't my first Rodeo, sweet cheeks.

Did you guys get the...

I think we can handle a grocery list, thank you.

Put the claws away. I'm just making small talk.

What's with them?

Relationship issues.

Didn't you know?

That's why we're on this trip.

I'd been a couple times as a kid

but it's not something that really stuck with us.

So she didn't twist your arm?

I wouldn't say twisted.

So you're glad you came?

Of course!

I'm surprised you said yes.

I don't really peg you for the camping type.

Uuh... I'm tough.

I'm sure.

Hey! I can be rugged.

Rugged like... you'd wrestle a bear?

Any day.

That's good to know.

I was starting to think I'd have to tackle it on my own.

Not quite sure about those two however.

Yeah.

Cindy originally wanted to do the whole RV thing.

But I tried to explain to her the challenge

of having to portage it

but I don't think she got it.

How do you not get it?

So uh..

When did you become survivor man?

Umm...

My grandfather used to take me camping a lot.

He was a really intense guy.

In forth grade he convinced me

to skin a fish for show and tell.

I bet that went over really well.

Yeah... yeah...

Sorry!

What the hell?

Seriously?

So... you'll skin a fish

but you won't kill a turtle?

Catching a fish is fair game.

A turtle crossing the road is out of its element

and it does not stand a chance.

A turtle.

You almost killed us for a fucking turtle.

It was a nice thought.

Are we close?

We're almost there.

I did you two a favor

you had to get up anyways.

I'm not ready for those treasure bowl things.

We'll be able to use a real washroom

before we leave right?

Brace yourself sweets.

"DRIFTWOOD"

Welcome to Driftwood Park.

Are you booking on land or by water?

Hi, we are booking by Canoe.

We want to rent a campground

We want the most unforgiving terrain you've got.

Last minute booking.

It's great to get a few more paddlers

this early in the season.

Well we all just graduated

and thought why not throw ourselves further into debt?

What do you got?

Two couples out for one last hurrah.

Wanting to free themselves of capitalism, social structure.

Probably over packed.

Probably start complaining in the first five minutes.

Wow, look at this guy.

Very impressive.

Can you guess my age and weight too?

I would probably send you guys to

this campsite here.

It'll take a few portages

and the paddle is sizable.

Okay, seriously, we want something intensive.

I assure you this is pretty

Do I look like a pussy to you?

I'm sorry...

How many trips have you been on?

I went on like 10 in the last...

Did you sleep outside or in tents?

Okay, I ast time I...

Dirt or thermarest?

I slept in a

Stove or fire?

Are you going to shut up

and let me answer one of your questions?