Shaun of the Dead

Last orders, please.

Shaun. Yeah?

Do you see what I'm saying?

Yeah, totally.

I know he's your best friend, but you do live with him.

I know.

It's not that I don't like Ed.

Ed, it's not that I don't like you.

It's all right.

It's just be nice if we could... Fuck.

...spend a bit more time together. Bollocks.

Just the two of us. Cock it.

It's just with Ed here, it's no wonder I always bring my flatmates out,

and then that only exacerbates things.

What do you mean?

Well, you guys hardly get on, do you?

No, what does ”exacerbate“ mean?

It means to make things worse.

Right, right.

Well, I mean, it's not that I don't like David and Di, you know.

Guys, it's not that I don't like you.

It's all right.

And it's not that I don't want to spend time with you, 'cause I do.

It's just Ed doesn't have too many friends.

Can I get any of you cunts a drink?

Anybody? No, thank you.

I know friends are important to Shaun,

but you do actually have to set

some quality time aside for yourselves.

Yeah, I mean Daffs is always taking me

to see these listed buildings,

and, you know, I'm always dragging him to the theater.

I'm not so hot on theater.

Well, how about a nice meal?

It's your anniversary soon, isn't it?

It was last week.

Oh. Did you do anything special?

We came here. Shaun. Hog lumps.

Shaun, what I'm trying to say is

I need something more,

more than spending every night in the Winchester.

I want to get out there and do more interesting stuff.

I want to live a little.

I want you to want to want to do it, too.

Listen to me. I'm beginning to sound like your mum.

Not that I'd know what she sounds like.

You still haven't met his mum?

Not yet.

Don't you get along with your mum, Shaun?

No. It's not that I don't get on with her...

Are you ashamed by your mum, Shaun?

No, I love my mum.

I love his mum. Ed!

She's like butter. Ed!

Shaun! Guys.

Shaun. Liz.

Look, I understand what you're trying to say, okay, and I agree.

We should get out there. We'll start tomorrow.

All right, I'll book a restaurant,

you know, the place that does all the fish.

Just the two of us.

Things will change, I promise.

Really, Shaun?

Time, gentlemen.

This town is coming like a ghost town

Shaun?

Player two has entered the game.

Haven't you got work?

Player two has left the game.

You do know the front door was open again last night.

I'm not saying it was you. I know, man.

I'm saying it was Ed. Right.

I can't live like this.

I mean, just look at the state of it.

We're not students anymore. Pete, just...

I mean, it's not like he even brings

any real money into the house.

Well, he brings a bit.

What, dealing drugs?

Oh, he sells a bit of weed

every now and again, you know.

You've sold puff.

Yeah, once. At college. To you.

Well, look, I've known him since primary school, you know.

I like having him around, he's a laugh.

What, because he can impersonate an orangutan? Fuck-a-doodle-doo.

Oh, leave him alone.

All right, I admit he can be pretty funny on occasion.

Like that time we stayed up all night drinking Apple Schnapps

and playing Tekken 2.

Oh, yeah.

When was that?

That was five years ago. When's he going home?

Hey, man, listen... Top left.

Uh-huh.

I was gonna say... Reload. I'm on it.

Since... Nice shot. Thanks.

Two seconds.

You all right, Noodle? Hello, mate, got anything?

No, man. But Eball says you was holding.

I ain't got nothing. What? You ain't got nothing at all?

I've only got a Henry meself. All right, laters.

Listen... Ed,

since you're not working at the moment,

could you please clean up a bit? Yep.

And if you play the answer machine,

could you take down everyone's messages, not just your own?

Yep.

It's not that taxing, is it?

Writing something on a little scrap of paper?

Nope. Right.

Dom, hi... Come on, it was pretty funny.

Will you do what he said though?

I ain't doing nothing for him.

Well, do it for me, then.

I'm sorry, Shaun.

It's all right.

No, no. I'm sorry, Shaun.

Oh!

Oh, my God, that's rotten.

I'll stop doing them when you stop laughing.

I am not laughing, I'm going.

Get that. You get it.

Hello, Shaun, it's me.

Look, I'm gonna be a bit tied up today,

so when you book the table, can you make it 8:00 rather than 7:00?

I'll try you at work. Bye, bye, bye.

Hey! You're dead.

Spare some change, please, mister?

Yeah.

Watch out. Are you blind?

The American deep space probe Omega Six,

due to return to earth this weekend,

has unexpectedly re-entered Earth's atmosphere over south-east England

and broken apart over what's believed to be a populated area.

Nelson?

Nelson?

Hello, my friend. No beer today?

No, it's a bit early for me.

Gather round, everyone. Gather round, please.

Gather round.

Now, as well as Mr. Sloman being off today,

I'm afraid Ash is feeling a little bit under the weather.

So, I will be taking charge, as the...

Oldest.

Senior Staff Member.

So, if we can all just pull together, I know that...

Hello? Hello, mate.

Noel... I was totally munted last night.

Yeah, I spoke to him. He's only got Henry.

All right, mate. Laters. Laters.

Continue.

Thank you.

As Mr. Sloman always says, ”There's no ’l‘ in team but there is an ’l‘ in pie.

”In... There's an ’l‘ in meat pie.“

The anagram of ”meat“ is ”team.“

I don't know what he's talking about.

Look, that's it. And, Noel, phones off, yeah? It's not a social gathering.

All right, keep your hair on, Grandad.

Hey, hey, whoa. I'm 29 for Christ's sakes. How old are you? 20? 21?

Seventeen.

Hey, well...

Look, I know you don't wanna be here forever.

I got things I wanna do with my life.

When?

You got red on you.

Hello, mate.

This one comes with a basic, sort of, digital package.

You've got your lifestyle channels there, a bit of Trisha.

You've got entertainment... I don't know what that is.

News. All the basic news channels.

...coming after me like this...

...believed to be caused by exposure...

Shaun. Yeah, I'm with customers.

It's your dad.

He's not my dad, he's my stepdad.

Philip.

Shaun.

I trust you haven't forgotten about tomorrow.

No. Your bi-monthly visit.

No, I haven't forgotten.

Perhaps you could bring the flowers

you forgot to bring Barbara on Mother's Day.

I was gonna.

And not a cheap posy from a garage forecourt.

I wasn't gonna.

Well, we look forward to seeing you tomorrow, then.

Okay.

You've got red on you.

I thought you said this wasn't a social gathering?

What?

How comes you're allowed to speak to your dad?

A, he's not my dad, okay? He's my stepdad.

And B, it was an emergency.

What, like buying your mum some flowers?

Noel, no matter what you might think, okay,

I do not find it difficult

to keep my work and my social life separate.

Shaun. It's Liz for you.

Hello. Hello, it's me.