Girl in the Refrigerator

Cole.

Hey Cole.

Cole, you in there?

- Hey, what's up Stash? - Thought I heard you

dicking around in there.

BBQ around 6:00.

You in?

- Can I supply the music? - I got the music.

- Yeah, yeah, I know. - CBH.

I'll just leave my hoodie here.

Love you.

There's no way you're breaking up with her.

I'm telling you this time it's really over.

Bullshit.

You said that every time that she comes over.

You guys fuck and then you're a couple again.

She's coming over to pick up her hoodie.

That thing has been here for three years.

It's really over. - So what?

Now you think you've got a chance with Book Girl?

That thought may have crossed my mind.

Doesn't she have a boyfriend?

Yeah, and he's a total douche bag.

And isn't she half your age?

It's not half my age.

Maybe 2/3, I don't know, 5/8.

Look, you're not breaking up with Ellie.

It's like 100 degrees out today.

The Filipino sensation is gonna show up

wearing some tight little shorts.

You're gonna get one sight of that booty and game over.

The best thing you can do right now is jerk off.

Go and wax the trophy case before she gets there.

Then she's powerless. - We're not having sex.

We're breaking up. - Boy who cried wolf.

I can't be with someone with such shit taste in movies.

I work in a movie theater for fuck's sake.

Her taste in music is even shittier.

She kept fucking with my car radio the other day

playing that dance music shit.

If we don't break up, I think I might actually kill her.

The fact that she's on the pill

and I don't like wearing rubbers

is the entire basis of our relationship.

It'll make a hell of a wedding toast.

When that hoodie leaves this apartment, it is over.

You're so gonna fuck her.

Hello and welcome to another episode

of Midwest Nature.

I'm your host, Jack Carr.

This week we're here in the DeKalb, Illinois

to see what wildlife has for us.

Squirrels have rather slender bodies

and may have long bushy tails.

Squirrels are well known for their playfulness

And friskiness.

Hey.

I need to use your shower.

- What's with all the pink? - It's Ride for the Cure.

You owe me $15 by the way.

Did you cure anything?

A little misleading.

Don't you think?

You guys ride around a big circle

and take credit for curing cancer.

And if you rode to a research center

and stayed there for the next 10 or 12 years,

developed some kind of a vaccine

or something, that would be a Ride for the Cure.

- You owe me $15. - I'll go get it.

I should have jerked off.

I definitely should have jerked off.

Fuck.

There are both domestic ducks and wild ducks.

More than 40 different kinds of ducks.

Why are you all dressed up?

It's Becca's birthday party.

Kristen's daughter.

My niece.

Oh, Becca. Becca.

Becca's birthday.

You riding your bike?

It's not that far, but of course you can drive me.

But then you don't want me to mess

with your precious car radio, right?

Yeah, I guess not that far.

$15.

Hoodie?

Weight room.

Next time, this is Jack Carr

reminding you if you're nice to nature,

nature will be nice to you.

This is a complete mess.

I'll have it done it a couple days.

There's that.

This is it, huh?

You are wearing a thong, aren't you?

Hey, that's a good idea.

Concord, New Hampshire, Denver, Colorado.

Des Moines, Iowa, Dover, Delaware,

Frankford, Kentucky to St. Paul, Minnesota.

Salt Lake City, Utah, Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Springfield.

Springfield.

Ah, Springfield, Illinois.

That was a a rocking good time, huh?

Is that what I am to you?

A good time?

I said a rocking good time.

You know what I mean?

Oh, come on baby.

Let's not get into all that.

Oh shit.

Ellie?

Baby?

Holy shit.

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

Ellie, Ellie, baby.

Say something.

Ellie.

911.

911.

I gotta call 911.

He said if we don't break up,

I think I might actually kill her.

Those were his exact words?

Yes, those were his exact words.

There was semen present in the body.

DNA proves it was his.

Does an innocent man have sex with a corpse?

I'd hate to see what else he has on his day planner.

Hey roomie, you and I are gonna be best friends.

To avoid decomposition,

the body should be stored at a temperature of 39 degrees.

He puts her body in the refrigerator.

What does this man diet on?

Alcohol and cold pussy?

Son of a bitch.

Jesus.

- Hey. - So what happened?

- What happened what? - With Ellie?

What do you mean what happened with Ellie?

You break up or did you fuck her?

Huh?

Oh, nothing.

She just didn't show up.

- Did she call? - Nope.

She didn't show up and she didn't call?

Yeah.

What are you a cop? - She's playing

some major head games with you.

You think?

Absence makes the dick grow harder my man.

She blows you off for a few days.

You start to miss her.

She shows up unannounced.

You guys fuck

and that hoodie stays at your apartment

for the next three years.

Hey look, I gotta go.

You're cutting out.

I'll call you later. - You're gonna fuck her.

Shit, the hoodie.

- Greetings. - Do you have power?

Fuck no.

All these assholes

with their air conditioners blew out the electricity again.

Apparently the barbecue will have

to start a little early.

You got anything in your fridge?

Huh?

What do you mean? - Beer.

How much beer you got?

Yeah, I'm good.

Okay.

We might need some backup.

Meet me outside when you smell the charcoal.

Will do.

Hey, it's me.

Where are you?

I hope you're not still upset over the whole Cole situation.

You said so yourself.

He's not husband material.

He could do so much better financially