Wild Life

Did I graze it?

Did I get it?

Am I hot or am I cold?

Stop overthinking

and commit already!

Indecisive motherfucker.

Come on, big molar, big molar,

big molar, big molar!

Oh, shit, yeah!

I just took

all your bicuspids, Ze-yotch!

Suck it!

She's a child, you psycho.

Hey, lady, I'm not the one

who raised their kid

to be a fucking loser!

Dang! Free massages?

Hell yes.

I know, right?

Just start wherever

and work your way down.

Feel free to go... low.

What the heck is this?

A party?

Oh, let me guess.

Hudson's invitation must've

got lost in the mail.

Huh?

Oh, no, I didn't send one.

Attention, party animals!

What do you get for the cheetah

who has no idea what he wants

and when you ask,

he has a full-on panic attack?

I went with nothing.

Yeah, same.

Sorry, Glenn.

You got to tell a bitch.

Behold the most giftastic

gift of all time.

The perfect companion

built to be exactly like you

in every way.

Glenn, meet Glenn-bot.

Hey, Glenn-bot!

How's it going?

Hey, Glenn.

How's it going?

Hey.

Oh!

Ooh, spooky.

As fuck.

Wow! Thanks, Darb.

This is way better

than the noise machine

I told everyone I wanted,

but no one got me, I guess.

Hmm.

Okay, he's perfect

and I love him.

Happy birthday, buddy.

What the shit?

Where's my me-bot?

Yeah, no fair!

I want to hang out

with my awesome self.

If they get one, I get one,

and give mine lasers!

Fine.

Tea, Glenn-bot?

Ooh, English breakfast,

please.

And decaf.

Right. Yes, decaf, obviously.

So it's your first day.

What are we feeling?

Should we listen to music,

do some journaling,

get our morning pages in...

Or--oh!

The ostriches are doing

their pottery class later.

Oh, I don't know.

Whatever you want to do

is fine by me.

You're new here, pal.

You decide.

Okay, let's do

the pottery thing.

Rock and roll!

I'll go get my coupon.

Actually, I don't know.

The clay might be bad

for my eczema.

God, he really programed

everything.

Well, why don't we bust out

those journals?

And jam out some motions--

Great, well, that's there--

Uh, you know what?

On second thought,

I haven't been sentient long

enough to know what to write.

Okay.

Also, do you have

any lemon-ginger or chai?

Yeah, obviously.

Great.

Let's get cray!

Birthday boys get buck wild

Ooh, is half-caf a poss optch?

Finally, a worthy opponent.

Me!

Fuckin' cheers to that!

Quadruple molar?

Hell yeah!

Beat that, bolt-brains!

Incisor, baby.

Suck it.

You suck it.

That's my incisor.

You suck it.

I got that on my first roll.

You suck it.

No, you didn't.

You calling me a cheater,

beyotch?

All right,

let's make this snappy,

'cause I got

a pottery class later

and Mama's gonna lay a glaze.

What the--

Ugh. There you are!

Uh-uh, you better get

that gorgeous panda ass

off my table.

You're here to service me.

Ugh, I'm too tense to move.

Loosen me up

and I'll return the favor.

Maybe.

For the record, this is only

to show you how I like it.

Oh, I'll show you

how I like it.

What the heck, Darby?

Why'd everyone else

get a cool robot?

Oh, well, maybe

because I was saving

the coolest robot for last.

Huh?

Existence is pain.

I don't know.

He doesn't seem quite as...

not broken as the other robots.

If you're suggesting that

I threw Hudson-bot together

out of random spare parts

that I found in my junk drawer

and assembled in 20 minutes

because I sort of kind of

maybe forgot about you, then...

You know what?

I don't care

if he is an afterthought

'cause us after afterthoughts

got to stick together.

Come on, Hudson-bot!

Let's be best friends.

Death is freedom.

You're so metal.

Hey, literally!

We need to talk.

If it's about the sign you're

all ignoring, then I agree.

She has no sense

of boundaries.

Can't she just enjoy a game?

She's comically horny.

She's a psycho!

together:

She's nothing like me.

She must be destroyed!

Listen, I don't hear

Glenn complaining.

I hate Glenn-bot!

Glenn-bot must die!

Then again, maybe hate

is a strong word,