Sounds of Winter (冬のなんかさ、春のなんかね)

Here's the intro.

Let's begin.

Ready?

This world is purely my imagination.

I wasn't in this place at this moment,

and a moment like this may not have existed at all.

Even so,

this is without a doubt,

the scene or the moment I wanted to be a part of.

- Is this good? - Yeah.

- Bangs are good too? - Yeah, it's perfect.

- You're done. - Thanks.

How do you like it?

It looks good.

- Yeah, it looks good. - Hello.

Perfect. It's cute.

Thank you.

We'll be with you soon.

You're here for a haircut today?

You know,

every time I come here I always notice

that the color of the building across the street

is really cute.

Which building?

- Which way? - That way.

- You're right. - Right?

You're so good at noticing these things.

Hey,

have you ever thought that the light blue color of that building is cute?

- That building? - Yeah.

Yeah.

I've been thinking that ever since I started working here. It's so cute.

See?

- I'm the odd one out? - Yeah.

- Your customer is waiting. - Okay.

- Later. - Bye.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

It's freezing.

KAIGEN USHIO HATAKEYAMA

THE CRUSH OF A CRUSH

The other day,

I was looking back at a message I sent to someone I used to like.

I see.

I thought

it might give me ideas for the new novel I'm writing.

I was kind of organizing my thoughts.

I see.

Back when I wrote that message,

I was completely broken into pieces.

I didn't like him that much at first,

but by the end I had grown to like him a lot.

- You fell hard? - Yeah.

Yeah, I did.

And the words

I had written to him in the past

were so crazy,

and violent.

I became very scared.

I realized that I absolutely do not want

to fall in love with someone and lose myself ever again.

Do you want to read them?

What?

Can you please read them?

I don't think you should show those things to other people.

I wouldn't show it to other people.

Then you shouldn't show it to me either.

Yeah.

I guess so.

If sharing it with me

will make you feel a little better, then I'll look at it.

Yes, it'll help.

It'll help me feel better.

Then I'll read it.

- I can really read it? - Yeah.

"Mr. Ryosuke Tabata,

- "I'm sorry for... " - You're going to read it out loud?

I said I was going to read it, didn't I?

Oh, you wanted me to read it silently?

Fine, just read it aloud.

That way I can reflect on it.

Sorry, I just assumed.

It's fine, just forget it.

Read it out loud.

Reading aloud is the only option now.

- All of a sudden? - Yes. The situation has changed.

- Then I'll read it. - Okay.

"Mr. Ryosuke Tabata,

I'm sorry for contacting you again."

"I know you won't reply."

"I also know that contacting you like this will only be a burden to you."

"But please forgive me

for sending you this message."

So clingy.

God, I sound so clingy.

"Sending you this message" sounds intense.

I should've just said, "messaging you," or "contacting you."

"But please forgive me for sending you this message."

"No matter how much you play around with others,

or how many people you sleep with,

I don't hold any of that against you."

"Not only do I not put it against you,"

but I was also happy

that you told me things that you probably wouldn't be able

"to tell anyone else."

"You treated me as someone special,

and you said our relationship would be purely platonic."

"You told me, 'Once we sleep together, our relationship will be over.'"

"'I only sleep with people I'm willing

to end relationships with.'"

"I was happy to be that kind of an existence

for the person I loved."

"But you kept meeting new people,

and some of them were married

"or had boyfriends."

"For you, those people were more convenient

because they wouldn't expect a serious relationship."

"You kept telling me about the latest person

you kissed or slept with."

"How can I explain this?"

"At some point, I just couldn't take it anymore."

"Rather than always being connected with you,

and being your confidante,

"I want to touch you, even if it means that I might lose you."

"Even if our relationship ends

by sleeping together and getting physical,

I started to find that situation more enviable."

"In the end,

I wonder what my existence meant to you?"

"If it was something as simple

as me not having any sexual allure, then I wish you had told me."

"My only value to you was that

I was someone you could talk to about anything, right?"

"If so, I wish you had told me your true feelings."

"I was never able to understand you,

and I always wanted to know."

"Was I necessary in your life?"

"Was there even a moment when I was necessary?"

"I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm condemning you."

"I now realize that a victim and an offender can coexist."

"Right now, I am clearly the offender."

I guess I was aware that I was the offender.

"Earlier,

I told you that I wanted to touch you too."

"But I'm not jealous of other people

for having a physical relationship with you."

- "Rather…" - Rather, I was jealous

of the time they got to spend with you before and after such physical activities.

When I heard that you had breakfast with someone,

it was more painful than hearing that you kissed that person.

When I heard that you went to a hotel, but didn't have sex and just chatted

until the morning,

I wanted to do that too.

I wanted to see your sleeping face.

If I could spend time with you like that, I wouldn't need eternity.

I've said a lot,

but I wish you well.

That's all I wish for right now.

I guess you're doing well.

After all, what wears you out the most is interacting with me.

So

If I don't contact you,

if I disappear from your life,

I'm sure your heart

will become calmer than ever.

A little before the warmth of spring arrives,

just before the dawn of this season…

Take care.

Ayana Tsuchida.

TWO YEARS AGO FEBRUARY 2024

I

Just don't understand why you choose that type of relationship.

Why did you meet him again? You said you wouldn't see him again.

Did I say that?

Yes, you did. You said it was too painful.

I couldn't help it. He contacted me.

I see. So you go running to meet him when he contacts you, huh? What a joke.

Zero willpower.

What the hell?

It's only natural to be happy when you hear from someone you like.

So I went to go see him. Is that so bad?

No, it's not bad. But you're back in this situation again.

Yes, I am. So?

So, my ass.

What about you, Kotaro?

Why do you keep meeting up with me?

Huh? Why?

I'm always rude to you,

I also don't reply to all your messages,

and I only contact you when I'm drunk or bored,

so why do you meet up with me?

You have to get up early tomorrow, right?

You're busy chasing your career. So why did you come here?

I contacted you past 11:00 p.m. You missed the last train.

I came because I was worried about you.

Why are you worried about me?

Why are you worried about me when I'm not even your girlfriend?

It's because…

I like you.

Then you're the same as me. You came because you like me.

So how can you criticize me?