Chivalry

This programme contains adult humour, very strong language,

scenes of a sexual nature and scenes some viewers may find distressing

Morning, Empress. Morning.

Mummy! I want some breakfast.

OK, Noah, honey. I'll be there in a second, darling.

He's fine. He's fine. Yeah.

You sure?

PHONE RINGS

Bobby. Sorry.

Sorry, it's Cameron.

Hi. Hey.

What's up? OK, uh,

really quick question about the edit.

Did we grab a shot of the Nazi by the window?

Because if we did,

then I don't think we need that shot of Marcel because

in theory, if we put a shot of Marcel's shadow on in post... Yeah.

..then that solves the problem of not seeing him on the steps. Erm...

So, I don't think we need to do any kind of green screen crap...

Yep. ..and, uh, I just wanted to get your feeling on that.

I mean, I thought together we could maybe fashion something

kind of quite cool. Er, yeah, so...

uh, so is that a yes to the Nazi by the window?

Er, that's yes to Nazis by the window.

Great, good. OK.

Yeah, well, that was it, really. Yes, so, uh...

OK, good. Bye.

KNOCK AT DOOR

What? There's someone at the door.

Shall I get it? No.

Who, is it?

It's a nanny.

I have another pitch today.

FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS

Sorry, sorry.

INDISTINCT

Mum!

SHE SIGHS

Mum!

PROGRAMME SOUNDTRACK PLAYS

Go on, say something. You hate it? Just...

No, it's, no, it's fine.

I just think that we need to see Otto's death.

We just need to see him die.

OK, Cameron just try and imagine that you've been

sleeping with the Nazi.

That's not difficult.

I had a thing with a beautiful woman

who was anti-Semitic. And, uh,

I was already to let her have it

when she suggested we have sex,

so we, erm, we just did that instead.

Mazel Tov.

Er, but in the case of our movie, when, when Collette leaves the body

and the resistance look her in the whites of her eyes,

we should feel their judgment on her.

You know, she's just delivered this blow to the Third Reich

and now they're, they're slut shaming her!

That's, that's truthful. Being slut shamed by your own side.

Hmm.

OK. Yeah, OK, you win.

What? You win. I...you're right.

Do you think that? Or are you just, like, keeping your head down

the way you don't tweet about transgender issues?

I am agreeing with you.

I thought that's what you all wanted.

Rick, your number's up.

You shady son of a bitch.

Jean, what, what are you talking about?

Yeah, I knew you were a sneaky motherfucker but

guess what my assistant found in his car.

What the fuck? That's not mine.

What's the matter, Rick, aren't we paying you enough?

Can't hack the late nights? What the hell, Rick?

There must be half a million dollars of cocaine here.

You're fucking kidding me?

No, I am not fucking kidding you!

Damn!

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, my God!

Jean, that is not fucking funny.

I borrowed this from the props department!

Oh, my God. Oh, your faces!

THEY CONTINUE LAUGHING

Oh, my God!

I gotta text the props guy.

He hates when I do this shit.

I'm always like, "What have you got?"

I once put a prosthetic head in a plastic bag

on the passenger's seat of Sir Ben Kingsley's rental...

He never found it!

Or maybe he did and just didn't find it funny. Hmm.

Yeah, that'll be it.

Jean, what are you doing here?

You never come down to the edit unless the shit's hit the fan.

Fraser Schwartz is pulling your marketing budget.

Come on?!

What?! What does that mean?

That means that you, Cameron O'Neill,

need to go suck Fraser Schwartz's dick.

The head of the studio?

That's... I'm not... No way.

Cameron doesn't want to go because Fraser Schwartz's new girlfriend

is Cameron's old girlfriend Kirsty.

Oh. OK, this is bullshit. This is not...

This is an act of humiliation. This is a power move.

He just wants to see me on my knees eating shit.

Yep. So off you go! Go and eat some shit.

Eat it all up, and don't come back until you're full.

You're not nice, Jean.

God, I'm good at this.

Do you know what IBM stands for?

Erm, International Business... Machines.

Yeah.

Get him to that meeting.

You're creative. Think of something.

Cameron? What's up? You ready?

I thought I was making real progress but she just got under my skin.

Oh, we're still on Kirsty.

I built up her self-esteem from nothing.

I did all the hard work, and now he gets to harvest it.

I just wanted to empower her. To, to give her knowledge.

"Knowledge is power." Francis Bacon.

I said that to her once and she said why is France bacon?

Oh, she thought the country France... Yeah, France is bacon.

Was bacon? Exactly. So, I was just trying to educate her. Wow.

Trying to cultivate her. I gave her a reading list,

I gave her everything... Bobby, Bobby. Oh, great!

I need your signatures on the deal memo.

Yeah. I'll be right there.

What do you mean cultivate her? What are you,

some sort of Professor Higgins?

She had an amazing body.

And she...she was once given a lot of money

by some guys to make a mould

to turn into one of those real-life sex dolls.

Which I vetoed, of course.

You should have let her.

Then you'd still be able to have sex with her, sort of.

I loved your movie by the way.

Oh, thank you.

That wide shot at the end was really powerful.

Did you use a 25 mil?

Yup.

Yeah, I love using 25 mil when I'm shooting my wides.

Oh, you want to be a film-maker?

I am a film-maker.

Good for you.

If you need any advice...

You have to initial on the top.

If they ask us about Pierre's behaviour,

we're just gonna say he was French.

Yes. He was French. He was very French.

When it comes to the movie, I'll remind them that movies