Lessons in Chemistry

- -

Three-quarter power building to full in two.

Full power.

Unlike other Tupperware parties you may have attended,

I give thorough product descriptions and I also make my own snacks.

This Tuesday's menu will be freshly squeezed nectarine juice

along with lemon-lime bars on a graham-cracker crust.

Excellent. See you then.

- What about this one? - Mmm.

"Butylated hydroxytoluene."

A good rule of thumb is not to eat foods that share ingredients with jet fuel.

I'll add it to my vocab list.

What color were Dad's eyes?

Blue, like yours. You know how recessive genes work.

What color was his hair?

Brown. Where are these questions coming from?

Mrs. Mudford is making us fill out a family tree,

and I know nothing about Dad.

- You know about your dad. - No, I don't.

Yes, you do. You know that he was a brilliant scientist,

that he was kind,

a very funny dancer

and my favorite person in the world until I met you.

Well, what about his parents? I need to put them on the tree too.

Your grandparents died in a car accident when he was young,

then he went to live in a boys' home.

What about your parents?

Ezra and Iris. We moved around a bit. Not that exciting.

So are we all alone?

We are the opposite of alone.

We have each other, we have Six Thirty,

and we have a huge family waiting at home for us for dinner.

But you are the chef, so you tell me. What do you need?

I'll get the flour. You go to the butcher counter.

Mm-hmm. Copy.

But nothing too lean.

Of course.

- I want a gumball! - Stop it!

- Get back here! - I wanna go on the horsey!

- Off of the horse! - Is everything okay?

Yes, yes. I am so sorry for my little terrors.

- Oh, it is quite all right. I understand. - You know, five minutes.

All I want is five minutes of quiet.

Well, if I'm being greedy,

I'd like them to set the table and occasionally say thank you.

But five minutes, I'd settle for that.

Those boys were being so rowdy. Geez.

- Butylated hydroxytoluene. -

- -

That man was out of his mind. Can you imagine me hosting a TV show?

Seriously? Hear, uh, TV pays well.

Mmm. What's the cost of selling your soul?

Depends. How much they paying?

I thought you sold Tupperware.

I sell Tupperware so I have time for my research.

- Mmm. - I wanna be an actor.

- Like on Gunsmoke. - Mm-mmm.

You wanna be a lawyer like your mother.

Or, if things don't work out, a doctor like your father.

You need more milk.

You're lucky you have a father.

You have a father too, bunny.

He's looking down on you right now.

I know. I was just being provocative.

Uh, excuse me, Miss Zott,

but what is this unopened letter from Phillips Laboratory doing on your counter?

The same Phillips that has called you back for not one, but two follow-up interviews?

I prefer rejection after my meal.

Would you like me to preview it for you? I have an excellent poker face.

- Open it! -

- Open it! - Open it!

- Open it! Open it! - Okay, okay, fine.

Read away.

"Dear Miss Zott, thank you for your continued patience

as we narrow our list of candidates.

We are thrilled...

We are thrilled to tell you that you have reached our final round

and we intend to make a decision shortly.

Please provide us with references at your earliest convenience

so that we may..." Blah-blah-blah-blah.

Congratulations, Elizabeth!

- References. - Oh, this is great.

What's a reference?

A reference is when someone you no longer wish to work with

holds the fate of your next job.

Anyway... ...I am not getting my hopes up.

I'm here to see Dr. Donatti.

I don't have an appointment, but I was hoping for the element of surprise.

Dr. Donatti no longer works here.

Oh. I didn't realize.

Who might I speak with about possibly...

Ah, thank you.

Elizabeth?

Boryweitz.

So what happened to Donatti?

Well, you know how it goes.

The board was ready for some new blood.

New blood is just old blood recirculated.

Fair point.

I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to reach out these past few years.

Hmm. You were just pacing yourself?

I'm sorry, Elizabeth.

Yes, well, I am up for a chemistry position at Phillips.

Coming here and asking for a recommendation is extremely unpleasant.

So please be truthful and write something befitting of my value

or, alternatively, say to my face you will be blocking my career advancements

as Donatti did.

I mean, I'm sure you've received a glowing review

from your current lab already.

I currently sell Tupperware.

I'm not going to write you a good recommendation.

I knew this was a mistake.

I'm not going to do it 'cause I'd like you to come back here.

Here? Are you kidding?

You're an excellent chemist.

And whatever you may think of Hastings,

it's still the best facility in Southern California.

Far better than Phillips. You'd be foolish not to consider it.

- Chemist? - Well, junior chemist.

Which department?

DNA.

Between the Remsen and my esteemed reputation,

our DNA lab has become the authority on abiogenesis research.

Just dedicated men doing important work.

And we'd publish together. I'll even give you second author.

Who would be first author?

Well, it would be me.

You?

The man who stole my work and then lied about it?

I don... I can't just put you in charge. Second author, it... that's not nothing.

Second author is... is quite meaningful.

Hmm.

So you'll consider the offer?

I already have.

And who do you think this is in my family tree?

Lena?

The president?

"Could it be the president?" And no.

Amanda.

Could it be Lassie?

This is a family tree, not a doghouse. We're talking about people.

People are animals.

No, they aren't, Madeline. People are humans.

But people are mammals, and mammals are animals.

Madeline, that's enough.

Tommy?

Could I be an animal?

Oh. Now, stop it, Tommy. Stop it. Now...

- - Oh, no. No, all of you, stop it!

- Sit down! Now! -

Tommy.

Madeline, see me after class.

- Champagne? - Yes. Thank you.

Are you joining us?

- Oh, no. I don't drink before lunch. -

- - Excuse me.

Zott residence.

Oh, for Christ's sake.

She completely undermined the assignment and said people are animals.

But people are animals.

Well, that's not the point, is it?

Yesterday, during circle time,

we were having a discussion about Ralph's pet turtle

and Madeline interrupted and said that she was unable to find any Norman Mailer

on our bookshelves.

Well, she is interested in misanthropic characters.

Not surprising.

Are you suggesting that Madeline is a misanthrope?

I am suggesting that she is disruptive because...

because she is not challenged here.

I am suggesting that she would be better off

at a school with a more advanced curriculum

to keep her engaged.

Some place like the Caswell School.

I've never considered private school.

Well, I think it's time you should.

Hmm. Thank you for your time.

You do like school, don't you?

Of course I don't like school.

What do you mean? Why didn't you tell me?

Nobody likes school. That's a fact.

That is not necessarily a fact,

and these are things that you should tell me.

You have enough to worry about.

Amanda!

Mom, can Amanda come over today?

Her dad has to work late, and we have to practice our secret language.

Of course.

Ank-thay yi-di-goo iss-may zi-di-got.

Come on, you two.

I'm not here to pitch you again. I'm just here to pick up Amanda.

And I wanted to say,

the chicken pot pie tasted even better the next day.

I don't know how that's even possible.

Not at all surprising.

When the pie cools, the starch goes through a process called retrogradation

where the molecules restructure into a crystalline form.

The flavor compounds are trapped in said structure,

which makes every bite more flavorful.

Yeah, I definitely tasted the extra molecules.