Hacks

both:

Wow, your phone's really blowing up.

What's happening?

I'm not getting service.

Oh, my God, what did you do?

Okay, okay. I can explain.

Drop it!

Drop it! Barry, drop it.

You know grapes can kill you.

Reach into his mouth.

Reach into his mouth!

Barry, look at Mommy. Look at Mommy.

Spit it out.

I love that smell!

Jet fuel and melting rubber?

Yup. Vegas, baby.

- Welcome home. - Thank you.

Are you headed to the Shops At Crystals?

No, no, straight to the house.

You know, you go ahead. I'm just gonna call a car

and head back to the Palmetto, I have some stuff to get,

I have a couple calls to make, so...

No, you're going with me.

We got a lot of work to do, kiddo.

That was fast.

No, no, it's good. It's good.

That was the old show. I'm done with that.

We're gonna work this new one out on the road

and it's gonna get me a bigger and better residency.

And the Palmetto can kiss my ass.

Totally.

You know, I haven't been this excited

about my material in years.

It's invigorating when you bomb

and you have to start from scratch.

It's like when you clean out your closet

and you buy a whole new wardrobe.

Can't relate.

I still wear my bras from the eighth grade.

Now those bras you should burn.

Oh, put him on speaker. I need to talk to him.

- Jimmy. - Are you trying

to put me in the ground?

Uh, you're here... it's me and Deborah in the car.

Oh, hey, Deborah. I'm on speaker.

What are you guys doing?

I wanna have a meeting in 20 to plan this tour.

I'll get Damien and Marcus. We'll call you back.

Great and Ava, maybe afterward you can

just give me a quick call, you can just catch...

Hey, Ben, turn that up.

Kayla, we've been over what is

inappropriate behavior in the past.

I said I'm sorry. Okay?

I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm being,

like, arrested for wearing pajamas on a business trip.

They were not pajamas. It was silk lingerie.

Okay, the fashion police is here.

I didn't know I was going on a trip with Stacy London.

Okay guys, let's be careful not to police anyone's fashion,

but also, Kayla, it did make Jimmy uncomfortable.

Look, I'm just not sure I'm comfortable

with her staying on my desk.

But I don't, like, get that

because he was, like, my babysitter.

Like, he's changed my diapers.

What are you talking about?

I was not your babysitter.

We were around each other as kids 'cause our dads

were in business together, but I never babysat you.

Um, I literally remember you changing my diaper.

Ew, Kayla! You don't remember being a baby.

You don't even remember my lunch order.

Uh, Mendocino Farms Chinese chicken salad!

Well that's a first!

Kayla, your behavior was

interpreted as a sexual advance

and anything of a sexual nature

is against Latitude's code of conduct.

Okay, I just think that it's gonna be hard

because, you know, we work in the entertainment business.

And every movie or TV show's about sex.

That is so not true.

Name one movie that's not about sex.

"Sophie's Choice," "Schindler's List,".

"Saving Private Ryan."

Okay, name one movie that's not about sex or Nazis.

- "Cast Away." - That's about masturbation.

Okay, Barbara, help me out here please.

Um, "Babe: Pig In The City."

Oh, my God.

Okay, so on this tour

I wanna do 35 dates before Christmas.

That means I think we should start

in the San Francisco Orpheum and move our way east.

Love that idea, but I do think a lot

of the larger venues are likely already booked.

That's fine. I'll do drop ins.

I'll do whatever it takes.

I mean, I don't expect this to be a money maker.

It's all about back to basics.

And we need a really good tour manager, Vinny DeMoan.

Oh, uh, he... died.

Oh. Did we send flowers?

- Yeah. - Yes.

Well, we gotta get somebody really good.

Okay, yup. I'll have Kayla check some avails.

Love it. Oh, by the way,

put Helen and Marcel on retainer so that

they're available when I get the new residency.

So they've already put in their two weeks' notice.

They're doing makeup for the Blue Man Group.

Oh.

Well, they probably need less time in the chair than I do.

Damien, did you check into that tour bus I sent you?

I did. Unfortunately,

it's currently in use by Lil Uzi Vert.

- Lil... - Uzi Vert.

Okay, look, does anybody have anything positive to add?

I think this could be a great time

to repaint the moldings in the sitting rooms.

Yes. Thank you, Josefina.

Thank you. This is good, this is good.

Everybody's busy. We got lots to do.

Oh, and Marcus, this means I'm gonna be on the road,

you'll have a lot more time for your favorite water cop.

- So true. -

Let's circle back to the moldings.

- I have a connection at Valspar. - Ooh.

And I'm thinking maybe eggshell

- or satin? - Mm, satin, satin.

Okay.

Hey, this is Jimmy Lusaque Jr.

Leave a message.

- Hello? - Hi, Daisy.

It's Ava from that horrible meeting.

I mean, it started good.

Yeah, I recall.

Okay, so look, I really shouldn't

have sent you that email.

I mean, my bad. My bad 10,000, you know?

Anyway, I'm calling as a friend to say you really

shouldn't use anything from the email.

I mean, for your own sake. Deborah can be very litigious,

and I think she'll come after you is all.

And I just don't think you want that kind of

a headache in the first season of a show.

Oh, well that's very kind of you, but we actually

just forwarded your email to the studio.

And since you very specifically ended your note with:

"I officially release my permission over these stories,"

we're sorted.

Okay, I shouldn't have sent that.

I was way out of line. I was just upset

and Deborah had just slapped me and...

Wait, she slapped you?

- Was that not in the email? - No.

Is that "Jingle Bells?"

Yeah, I'm in Deborah's Christmas room.

Don't use that.

You know, I'm gonna do you a favor

and just hang up, yeah?

Hi, honey.

You're eating Josefina's chicken pot pie

and it's 10 a.m. What's wrong?

No, don't, don't.

Don't psychoanalyze my pot pie, all right?

Okay, okay. I just meant that, you know,

the last time you did this was when Carrot Top ghosted you.

Well, if he didn't wanna date,

then he should've had an adult conversation.

I told you to never date a comedian

and you're way out of his league.

Yeah, I'm out of Carrot Top's league.

That's what made the whole thing so fucked up.

Oh, God, Mom. You know what?

Look, I didn't wanna tell you like this,

but I've been doing IVF

because Aidan and I wanna start a family.

Oh.

It was the second round, and it didn't

it didn't take, and I just...

I didn't want Aidan to see me upset

'cause he's training for tomorrow's fight.

Okay.

Well, you know, maybe it's for the best.

I mean, you did just meet this guy.

This guy?

Aidan is my husband, Mom. He's a part of our family.

I... I just meant that in case it didn't work out,

that it would probably be good not to rush into having a child