RuPaul's Drag Race - Thirteenth Season

It's a new year

and a new season

with all new surprises.

Girl!

From the hood to Hollywood.

I'm Kandy Muse, and I'm the Dominican doll

from New York City. Eoww.

My drag style is kind of like

if you took a sex doll and threw her in the Bronx,

that is literally me.

My most impressive drag talent is my mouth.

I'm a good lip-syncer.

I'm a loud-ass bitch.

Everyone can be a drag queen,

but not everyone's gonna be a star.

I'm a star.

First one!

Oh, my God, bitch, Season 13.

Most people might recognize me from the former Haus of Aja.

And when we dismembered and broke up,

I was definitely a loudmouth,

and I would say things about Aja

that maybe I should have kept to myself.

But I also think that she was a little jealous of me.

Come on, Miss Anastasia Beverly Hills.

I want a sponsorship, thank you very much.

She used to be, like,

"Well, you're not famous, so tone it down."

But now I'm here.

Well, no, I'm here.

That's so shady.

First one. Seems correct.

I'm here to prove that I am more

than just Kandy Muse from the Haus of Aja.

I can stand as an entertainer by my damn self.

I look fucking stunning.

Being the first bitch to walk in the competition

after waiting years to get on Drag Race

is such a fucking dream.

I am so excited to be here.

Come on, now!

And now, any bitch that walks in after me,

second place.

-Ooh. -Filler queen.

"Filler queen?"

My name is Joey Jay,

and I'm the dumbest bitch you'll ever meet.

She's wacky, she's crazy, she's an adrenaline rush.

I can perform the house down, boots back, bareback.

To be here, it is a dream come true, so…

I lost my train of thought.

-Aah! -Oh, what up, bitch?

Come on, Season 13, sister!

-Hi, baby! Mwah, mwah. -Hi, babe. Kandy.

Joey. Oh, my God, I'm molting, girl.

Miss Thing is wearing a chicken-feather coat.

Chicken feathers.

There are feathers all over the floor.

Bok bok bok!

- Come on, chicken feathers. -Bok! Bok!

Chicken feathers are the least expensive feathers

that there are in the planet.

Girl, not even a marabou coat?

So wait. You do drag full-time in your city?

No, I don't. I work for a software company.

This is just my little nighttime gig.

Oh, OK. Werk. How many shows a week do you do?

-Just one. -Just one?

Y'all think I'm a basic bitch.

You're not wrong.

I can't eat spicy foods,

I like Vanessa Carlton.

But don't underestimate us Vanessa Carltons.

Really, bitch, I'm gonna be in that top four.

Filler queen.

Plot twist.

This is my third time auditioning.

Oh, this is my fourth.

-Word. -

Ooh, girl.

She done already done had herses.

Girl, what?

What?

There's only two of us?

Ah! What is going on here?

Welcome, my queens.

What? You weren't expecting to see me so soon?

No, ma'am.

Well, I hope you like surprises,

because I've got a big one,

and it's right around the corner.

Racers, please report to the main stage.

Ooh.

Like, now.

-Girl. Gag. -Ah.

I am so confused right now,

and I have no idea what's about to go down.

Girl, I am goofed and gagged.

["Cover Girl" by RuPaul playing]

Welcome to the main stage of RuPaul's Drag Race,

and we are serving Season 13

with some serious safety, honey.

Michelle Visage, what do you think of the new judges' panel?

Baby, I feel like I'm the head teller

at RuPaul's Savings and Loan.

- -Wanna make a deposit?

The hilarious Ross Mathews. Now, what do you think?

You know what, I love it,

and I even brought my own squeegee.

Hi! Oh, Carson, hi!

-Michelle! -

And style superstar Carson Kressley.

Are you ready to read some lips?

Which ones?

Both sets.

Tonight we're doing things just a little differently.

For the first time in Drag Race herstory,

we're kicking off the season

with six "Lip-Syncs For Your Lives."

Now, some will shantay

and some will sashay away.

Wow.

Ooh, child, you ain't ready for this.

Racers, start your engines,

and may the best drag queen win.

What the fuck is going on?

Yo, I just walked into Drag Race

and now I'm standing on the main stage

and I don't know what is about to happen.

I can't look at RuPaul in the eyes, 'cause I'm getting so nervous.

I'm already feeling scared as fuck and insecure,

but I signed up for this.

Get it together.

Welcome, ladies. Surprised to see me?

You've made it to the main stage of RuPaul's Drag Race,

and so soon!

We'd like to take this moment

to get to know you a little bit better.

Judges, say hello to Kandy Muse.

-Hi, Kandy. -Hi, Kandy.

-Hello. - I would love to know

what makes this a signature Kandy Muse look.

It's sexy, slutty, denim.

It's from Brooklyn, it's New York.

I heard you're a member of the Haus of Aja?

-That's the former Haus of Aja, but yes. -Ooh.

- -Well, what house now?

The Dollhaus, with my drag sis Dahlia Sin from Season 12.

You're part of the broccoli bunch.

-Fierce broc-ally. -OK.

International House of Pancakes here.

Judges, say hello to Joey Jay.

Tell us about your look, Joey.

Well, I like chicken, I like the cluck, I like a buck,

so I decided to dress up as all three.

Cluck, cluck.

What inspired you to do drag?

Self-expression, and cluckin' and buckin'.

Thank you, Joey.

Thank you.

Ladies, your charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent

got you here.

Now let's see what you can do with it.

Two queens stand before me.

Prior to tonight,

you were asked to prepare a lip-sync performance

of "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen.

In a moment, I'll ask one of you to shantay

and one of you to sashay away.

Bitch, excuse me?

We just walked into the competition,

and we have to lip sync for our lives?

One of us is about to go home. And it ain't gonna be me.

Ladies, this is your first chance to impress me

and save yourself from…

getting the porkchop.

-The time has come… -

…for you to lip sync…

for your life!

Even though I'm shook as fuck on the inside,

I'm a lip-sync assassin. Eat it.

Good luck, and don't fuck it up.