SOMEWHERE (Somewhere)

- Sammy? - Johnny,

where's that little midget waiter dude?

- What? - The little midget waiter.

- Oh, shit! - That was funny.

You always trip like that.

Fuck.

Hey, Johnny, doing okay?

Great. Thanks.

I think he is.

He's cute.

That was great.

Come here, Bambi.

I'm Cindy, you moron.

I'm sorry, Cindy.

I'm the other one.

Hi, Dad.

Hey, Cleo.

Hi, Johnny.

Hey, Layla.

What happened to you?

Ah, just a little stunt work.

You know, I do all my own stunts.

Don't get her back too late, okay?

Yeah, sure.

I like this, my first signature.

- Thanks. - This is cool.

- You see that? - What?

The black SUV behind us. I think he's following us.

Does he have any cameras?

It just looks like a car.

Watch your line. Step back.

And remember to keep yourself square, okay?

Play the music.

You're really good.

Thanks.

When did you learn how to ice skate?

I've been going for three years.

Really?

Is that the same SUV?

There's kind of a lot of those in LA.

Yeah, but I think that's the same one. I've seen it.

- What are you doing? - I'm taking down the plates.

Nice. Good thinking.

- Bye, kiddo. - Bye.

Got it?

Hi.

Hey, Johnny, we're having a party.

- Yeah, it looks great. - Thanks.

Hey, man, how are ya?

- Cheers. - Johnny.

There's this documentary, it's amazing. It's called The F Word.

People saying "fuck" on TV in America. It was this video and stuff.

And it's about $200,000 fine in the US if you say it on TV.

Thanks.

Cool.

If two men really wanna love on each other they have to do that.

Yeah. So how many times do you go?

You like it, I like it.

I love you. Oh, I really love you.

They've to go straight for door number two.

Hi.

Oh, hey. Hey, Johnny. I'm sorry.

Sorry.

Hey, I don't want to bother you. I just wanted to...

I'm an actor and I just wanted to ask you a couple of questions.

- Spitball and stuff, you know. - Yeah. Go for it.

Um... So, did you study formally?

Study? No, I didn't really.

No? Really? Really?

So you don't do, like, method and stuff, or anything like that?

Method acting?

- Yeah. You know, like... - I don't really follow...

I don't really follow a particular method or anything.

I just, really, I started and I got an agent and auditioned and stuff.

Yeah. Cool.

- But stick with it, all right? - Yeah.

- You can do it, man. - Okay.

- All right, homie. - Thank you.

Hi. I'm Johnny.

Hi, Johnny.

Ah, come here. Come here.

Johnny.

Oh, my cast is stuck.

Kiss me, kiss me.

- You're a good kisser, Johnny. - Yeah?

Oh, boy!

Kiss me, please.

- Oh, Johnny. - Oh, my God. That's...

Oh, yeah.

It tickles.

Where are your panties? Oh, here they are.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh, boy.

Johnny.

Johnny?

Johnny?

- Hello. - Good morning, Johnny.

Oh, hey, Marge.

Your car's waiting downstairs.

For what?

The junket at the Four Seasons.

Oh, right.

Claire will meet you in the lobby to take you up when you get there.

Okay, I need, like, five minutes. Give me a second.

Hi, Johnny. How are you? You look amazing. Oh, my gosh.

Hey, Johnny, Paul Metcalf. Universal. Thanks for coming.

- Hi, I'm Jane Amrow from Universal. - Hi.

Great, great. Okay, we're going to go upstairs for a photo with Rebecca.

Okay.

Okay. Then we're going to go down for a press conference.

I'll be right there. If you don't know the answer, I do.

Do you want something to drink? We're going to go this way.

- I'm good right now. - Coffee or water?

Rebecca, Johnny, can you just move a little bit closer together there?

- Sure. - Put your arm around...

That's great.

And big smile.

That's it, straight to camera.

Let's check those.

- You look great. - Thanks.

I was being sarcastic.

You good?

- Yeah, good to go. - Okay.

And big smiles.

Can I get you to look towards each other and smile?

That's it. That's it. And back to camera.

That's it. Great. Let me just test these.

Is that it?

And...

Big smiles.

And we're good. Thank you.

It wasn't even that good.

- So are we good? - Yeah.

That was awesome!

Okay, ready for the press conference?

- Yes. Great. - You're gonna follow me.

Do you need anything to drink?

- Are you okay till we get there? Okay. - No, I'm great.

I'm just going to be right over here.

- Johnny. - Hi, Johnny.

Hi, everybody.

How do you think this role represents Italian-Americans?

She always goes first.

Would you like to go to China?

Yes.

You have many fans there.

Hi, Johnny. You're always in good shape.

Can you share your workout secrets with us?

I'm asking because I'm writing my next book for Russia

on workout secrets of Hollywood stars.

Just basics.

This film has a reflection of today's post-modern globalism?

I'm sorry, what was the question again?

Who's Cleo on your cast?

Cleo's my daughter.

Who is Johnny Marco?

Um...

Hey, man, can you take a right on Fountain? I want to make a quick stop.

- Sure. - Thanks.

Great, man. I'll be back in a minute.

Okay.

- Thanks, man. - You got it.

All right.

- Hey, man. - Hey.

What room you in?

59.

I met Bono in 59.

Oh, yeah?

That's cool.

- See you, man. - Stay loose.

- Yeah. - Morning, Johnny.

Hey, Marge.

They're waiting for you at the special effects studio.

They need to do a mould of your head.

The map should be under your door, okay?

Yep, okay.

All right, so, Johnny, what we're gonna need you to do here...

You're slouching a little bit. We'll need you to sit up a little more.

Oh, yeah. Oh, sure.

Now the most important thing to do is to remain rigidly upright

during this entire process.

- Like this? - Yeah. Yeah, that's good.

Good in the front for you or...

Uh, I can be.

All right.

On the left side, let's pull this back just a little over here.

Close your eyes.

Now I'm going to have you keep your eyes closed

and your mouth closed for the rest of this process, okay?

Yep.

And this shouldn't take longer than 40 minutes or so.

Yeah, it's cold, isn't it?

All right.

All right, let's get the, uh...

Let's get the bandages ready.

All right.

All right.

Okay, Johnny, we're just about done.

Let me show you how you look.