Entourage

GOOD MORNING SAIGON

What's up?

It is 9:30! Do you know where your only client is?

Testing out the new emergency asshole system, Ari?

Vince missed his physical this morning.

No physical, no insurance.

No insurance, no movie.

Yeah, I know all about it. I'm handling it.

- When? - As soon as he resurfaces.

Nice "Aquaman" lingo. At least one of you

is committed to this fucking movie.

- Bye, Ari. - Hey, take this seriously, E.

Got milf?

- Thank you. - Superhero or no superhero,

it's downright rude to be this tardy.

- Maybe we should get him a driver. - He's got a driver.

It's not my fault. I'm on call, but I need to be called.

Besides, he coulda took a cab.

Nobody takes cabs in L.A., Turtle.

'Cause no one can figure out what color they are.

They got blue ones, green ones, red ones, white ones.

Fuck a city where the cabs aren't monochromatic yellow.

- Uh-huh. - Here he is.

Oh, hey, Aquaman.

- Mandy finally let you out of her web? - Sorry I'm late.

You know how hard it is to break away from a good spooning.

- What are we eating? - We already ate.

Just for the record, I took the liberty of ordering you

- yhis beautiful egg white frittata. - Where is it?

E had 'em clear it.

In all fairness, the cheese was starting to congeal.

That's what happens when you leave your breakfast

- sitting on the table for 45 minutes. - I get it.

I shouldn't have kept you guys waiting. I'm sorry.

No, you don't get it. You fucked up.

- You missed your physical. - Oh, fuck.

I totally forgot. We overslept.

You're gonna have 4:00 A.M. call times. Those gonna be a problem?

- No, no problem. - Scout's honor.

- So, what else? - You got weapons instruction at 2:00.

You're gonna learn how to use Aquaman's claw.

Sweet!

What?

Well, maybe now's not a good time to ask,

but I kind of told Mandy I'd go house-hunting with her.

Anyway, we can push it back, right?

- Just an hour. - Come on, Vince,

- don't be irresponsible. - Irresponsible?

You know, maybe we should pick up the Maserati

before we all start saying things we regret.

- Where's the Maserati? - Police impound.

Got stolen right in front of nacional last night.

Guy loses a $100,000 car, which I gave him,

and he's calling me irresponsible.

Barbara Miller's on the phone for you.

- She's Mandy Moore's agent. - I know who the fuck she is.

Go get me a Kava Berry shake with a pinch of bee pollen,

all right, Lloyd? What do you got, Babs?

I got a giant fucking migraine is what I got.

I'll give you one of my famous shoulder massages.

- You remember those from the old days? - I do, Ari.

I also remember you threatened to sue me for sexual harassment

right before I fired you.

- Didn't we settle out of court? - Enough flirting, Ari.

- I want you to listen the fuck up. - What's the problem?

The problem is your client Vincent Chase

is about to destroy 10 years of my hard work.

I need some face-to-face before this gets ugly.

- I'll wear something clingy. - You do that.

I'm telling you, once your car's been stolen,

it never runs the same again.

It's like a guy sleeping with your girl.

He leaves his mark all over her.

And how does a car know it's been stolen?

Ask the Buddhists, bro.

They believe everything's got a soul, even a toaster oven.

Say, Shauna, what's up?

Break out your little composition notebook,

and I want you to write 1,000 times "I promise to control my client."

- What now? - This week's "US Weekly"--

Three-page spread of Vince and Mandy,

including pictures of them massaging produce at Bristol Farms.

I told you Vince wasn't gonna let the press control his life.

- Pictures were inevitable. - Fuck you, Eric.

These look like they're posing for them.

Didn't I say fucking soy milk, Christy? Come on!

Soy milk's got more fat than regular milk--

Don't be a wise-ass.

It's the other line, Shauna, be well. Hey.

- Hey, idiot. - Hey, what's up, asshole?

Listen, I know about the "US Weekly" pictures.

- I'm not worried. - What does worry you, Eric?

You're just so fucking calm, so poised,

- it makes me want to smack you. - Go for it. I gotta go.

I'm not calling about "US Weekly" pictures.

- Be here in 30 minutes. - Why? What's up?

We're going to hell, so bring your sunblock.

Sir, how long is this gonna take?

Five minutes less than when you asked last time.

I need the keys to the Hummer.

- Where are you running? - I got a meeting with Ari.

- About what? - Who the fuck knows?

I'll meet you at Warners'. Make sure he's on time.

You're being very hard on me today, E.

- Hey, Lloyd. - Wrong way, Eric.

Today we're in the war room. Follow me.

- War room? - It's really just a conference room,

but Ari likes to refer to it as "the war room."

Makes him feel like a gladiator.

- Everybody's waiting for you. - Who's everybody?

Mandy's people, and they don't look happy.

But don't worry, I got you your favorite--

- Mrs. Beasley's chocolate chip muffins. - Thanks, Lloyd.

Little memory trick when they introduce themselves-- Word association.

Like, you say "Eric Murphy" and I think, "loser."

- Like "Ari Gold"-- "Douchebag"? - Mm-Hmm.

Hey everybody, this is Vinnie's manager Eric Murphy.

Say hello to Mandy's manager Phyllis,

Mandy's music agent Mark,

Mandy's publicist Stan,

her attorney Jeff, her music manager Craig,

and most importantly, her theatrical agent

and one of my earliest mentors Barbara Miller.

So, Ari, who's gonna be running this shindig, you or me?

You've got the biggest cock in the room, Babs. Why don't you kick it off?

Oh, I don't know about that, Ari.

We haven't seen Eric's yet.

Yo, Vince, this shit is hot. Who is it?

- No clue. - Sounds like Eminem to me.

What do you know about hip-hop, Drama?

Are you crazy, bro? I'm O.G.

O.G.? The last hip-hop CD you bought

was the Kid 'N Play box set.

- So who is it then? - I never heard it before.

Yeah, me neither.

Since when does E listen to rap music?

"Saigon." Four tracks.

- It's a demo? - No way that's E's.

He knows as much about the rap music business as Willie Nelson.

So this idiot thief forgot his demo?

How lazy could this guy be?

It's got his address and his phone number on it.

We should call the cops.

This Saigon could be a three-strike offender.

We could put him away for life.

Oh yeah, you are truly O.G., Johnny.

Yo, Vince, think about this song for the end of Q.B.

You on the screen, the rain pouring down.

You say "I am Queens Boulevard"-- Bang,

This song comes on.

That's a good idea, Turtle. I'll call Walsh, set up the meeting.

Yeah? Yeah, I'll go with you.

Uh, no, you go alone. No way I'm telling Walsh how to score his movie.

That guy's crazy.

So, Vince miss meetings a lot, Eric?

- No, not really. - 'Cause Mandy doesn't miss meetings.

Mandy doesn't ever miss meetings.

- Cool. - In fact...

Mandy hasn't missed a meeting in 15 years.

- She's never even been late. - Once, but that was during the riots.

Wow. Sounds like you have a tremendously punctual client.

This is not fucking funny, Eric.

No it's not. So why don't you tell me why I'm here?

You're here because Vince isn't the only one

who missed a meeting today. Mandy did too.

What are you saying? Vince is a bad influence?

Eric, we both know

Vince has fucked half the actresses in this town.

Mandy, on the other hand, is a good girl.

You gonna sit there and let them bad-mouth Vince like this?

- Thought that was a compliment. - Nobody's bad-mouthing Vince.

- Yeah, we love Vince. - Vince is adorable.

They're just asking you, as his personal manager,

to get Vince to put this relationship on hold until the movie's over.

Ari, the guy's in love. He's not going to put his relationship on hold.

But I promise you he will be where he needs to be.

You guys do the same thing with Mandy and we'll be fine.

Okay? We done? Nice meeting you.

Eric.

You don't want to wind up spinning dough

at that fucking pizza place again, do you?

Told her a little bit about you.

Listen, Babs,

you don't want to talk to me like that.

'Cause I don't care who you are. Yes, I am Vince's manager,

But we've also been best friends since we were six years old

and I don't appreciate sitting in a room

discussing his personal life with a bunch of fuckin' strangers.

You fuckin' sandbag me like that me again,

we're gonna have a big fuckin' problem.

We have a big fuckin' problem right now!

If you don't take this seriously

the whole fuckin' movie's gonna go down in flames.

- I told you I had it under control. - Really?

- Yeah. - I didn't tell you this.

- Tell me what? - This stays between the two of us.

- Speak, Ari! - You have to take this seriously.

You can't tell Vince, 'cause it will freak him out.

You promise me?

- I promise. - All right.