Rooster

- Jesus! - Greg. Good morning.

- I thought I locked that. - No, it only locks from my side.

It's a fire safety thing.

- How? - Not sure.

My wife is back from Japan,

so I'm hosting a faculty bar night.

And I'm hoping you'll join.

Yeah, I don't know, Walt. I'm not good at parties,

and I don't know anybody.

Just stop by for a drink.

It starts at 8:00 and goes until question mark.

I will try very, very hard to make it.

It was an old-fashioned standoff.

Rooster gave a "don't fuck with me" stare.

But Captain Flaherty was a Navy man,

a little bent from all those years at sea.

He may have even smiled a little.

Rooster's mouth got dry.

He knew one of them

would die tonight.

Look, even in heightened situations,

I try to make Rooster emotionally authentic.

So, don't be afraid to feel what your character's feeling.

You can't write it if it's not in you.

Alright, hand in your papers on the way out.

I proudly remain a hard copy guy,

so let's see the hard copies.

Fuck the trees, bro.

No, no, that's not... That wasn't my point.

Hey, hey.

Not gonna hand anything in there, big guy?

Uh, not yet, but I'm so close

to starting it.

Well, that's the hardest step. Due today.

- Uh-huh. - Oh, and I am excited

to see the style of author everyone decided to emulate.

And we will be reading a few out loud on Monday.

You are not gonna want to read this aloud, my friend.

You are gonna want to be alone.

- Okay. -

Jesus.

- - Come, come!

Don't worry, only did my head.

Well done.

- Is that a new necklace? - Yeah.

My wife brought it back from Japan.

She said it makes me look like Paul Mescal,

but I... I don't know who that is.

- It suits you. - Thank you.

Let's commence mentoring.

I have set up three good job interviews for you,

but the one I'm most excited about is Biotecha.

You'll enjoy Diana. She's a friend.

Years ago, she was... more than a friend.

But I wouldn't bring that up.

So, how should I deal with the pregnancy issue?

I mean, I don't mind lying.

Well, at first. And then, I feel guilty

and tell the truth a second later.

Authenticity.

It's the only way to live your life.

Okay.

Good.

I hate your chain.

Felt that comin'.

Mr. Russo! Wait up.

Hm? Oh, hey, Tommy.

- All done. - Alright.

You're gonna love it,

because the guy I chose to emulate

is one of the greats.

What? Me?

- Yeah, man. - Oh, come on, that's...

What? No, no, no, no, no.

I am not a great. I...

You are a nut.

- Okay, you fail. - What?

I'm kidding! I'm kidding.

- Oh. - Ah.

- I'm looking forward to reading it. - Sweet.

- Thank you, Tommy. - Yeah, yeah, thank you.

You're... somethin'.

- You inspire me, bro. - Okay.

Stop it.

Oh.

You don't love it.

I mean, you look radiant.

I used a fan to make her hair blow.

You know, Mo, we really should figure out some sort of system

so that you know when I want you to be a part of our conversations.

I could raise my hand.

Walt told me I should be more authentic.

It just seems kind of crazy to me.

I mean, you know, who... Who posts

about their personal business like this?

Well, literally everyone on Earth does it.

I will say that it would be pretty weird

if the father did not like that post.

- Mm-hmm. - Just my two cents.

- Fine, I will heart the post. -

Because I do support you. And now, everybody knows it

- 'cause I've hearted it. - Thank you.

Wish me luck.

- I'll see you Monday. - I'll see you then.

It's great. Now, your friends know,

- your family know. -

Strangers know.

- Pretty fucked, huh? -

- Okay, get in those seats, people.

Let's fire this up,

'cause I am back, okay?

- Lights, please, Lily. - Boom, nap time.

I'm just kidding. I wouldn't really do that.

Slideshow's up.

Professor Russo?

You okay, Professor Russo?

- I'm amazing. -

Okay. Gauguin.

Best known for his Tahitian landscapes.

Also known for leaving his wife for a 13-year-old.

Can anyone guess what his consequences were?

I'm gonna give you a hint. He's a man.

- Nothing? - Very good. Very good, Zoey.

Uh, actually, a Gauguin just sold at auction

for $105 million.

One almost wishes that his Tahitian mistresses

saw some of that money. Right?

But all they got was syphilis. Yes, Zoey?

Fuck that guy in the face.

- Yeah, correct. -

Write that down.

Oh, keeping it in the syphilis family,

guys, Toulouse-Lautrec.

Wait till you hear about this little French asshole.

- I fucking love art history. -

The misogyny on this campus is out of control.

I know, it's really kinda making me miss Dubai.

You would be vilified if you behaved like your shit bag husband.

- And... And tell me if I'm being inappropriate.

You are, but I'm drinking it in, so speak freely.

Um, okay, he's out there literally putting babies

- in everyone. - Yeah.

It's... Well, it's one person, but, yes.

Katie, you really need to be getting back in the game,

- okay? - I...

- Just fuck some randos. - Yes.

I don't know. I-I'm sad, and I'm tired,

and I don't have the energy to learn a new penis.

Well, it doesn't have to be a guy.

I recently started dating lesbians.

- That's cool. - Cute!

I mean, I don't know if I'll stick with it

'cause I don't love having to keep my nails trimmed,

- but, um... - Ouchie.

Okay. The window for speaking freely

is closed forever, actually.

Um, that's my dad.

- Hey, Dad! Dad, come over here. - Huh? Oh, hey!

Come here, save me, hi.

- - Oh, my God! That's...

Don't do...

Dad, what the hell are you doing?

I tripped and turned it into

the "Walk Like an Egyptian" dance.

- Okay. - Uh-huh.

What do you guys do when you trip?

So, uh, I don't mean to invade your space, but could I...

- Sit, yeah. - Thank you.

Um, loved watching you beat Archie's perfect ass

- with a ladle. - I wouldn't say it's perfect.

Come on, Dad, it's... It's pretty good.

I mean, I just really appreciated you,

like, taking the fight to a male oppressor.

Mm, you're welcome. I would do anything for Katie.

- - "For Katie." I love that.

Let's do it... for Katie.

- Cute. -

Yeah. Yeah.

- Come on. - No, that's dumb when I do it.

- Bye, guys. - Bye-bye.

Um, they think I should get back out there.

- They're right, you should. - If I have to, you have to.

What do they know? They're stupid kids.

Really?!

I was not mocking Egyptian culture.

Oat latte.

I tripped and turned it into a funny little dance.

Double espresso.

This is not for you.

- Didn't want one. - Yes, you did.

- Didn't actually. - Did too.

- No. - And a black coffee

for our fearless leader.

- Thank you. - I owe you an apology.

Guys, I get rude at hockey games.

I may lash out

and call people "mean"