Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn)

They say, if you wanna tell a story right,

you gotta start at the beginning.

Too far? Fine.

This is me, Harleen Quinzel.

When I was a kid, my dad traded me for a six-pack of beer.

But however many times he tried to ditch me...

Daddy!

- ...I kept coming back. - Ah!

Eventually, he found me a new home.

The good sisters

of St. Bernadette's taught me a lot.

But I was never an establishment kinda gal.

All things considered, I did good.

I even went to college.

Got my PhD.

Had my heart broken once or twice.

Finding love, it's not easy.

So I threw myself into my work,

became a psychiatrist.

That's when I met him.

Mr. J. My Joker.

Oh, I fell hard.

Like out of a plane without a parachute,

right in your dumb fucking face

kinda hard.

I lost all sense of who I was.

I only had eyes for Puddin'.

We all know the saying,

"Behind every successful man,

there's a badass broad."

Well, that was me.

I was the brains behind some of

- Mr. J's greatest stunts. - Ha-ha!

Not that he let anyone know it.

Puddin'?

I guess all good things have to come to an end.

So...

...we broke up.

I handled it real mature.

But Mr. J was super broke up about it.

I got an amazing new place that was all mine.

It gave me the space to really reflect on the mistakes of my past.

I had to find a new identity.

A new me.

It wasn't easy.

But after a while, I even opened myself up

to the possibility of new love.

Hi.

Hello, nice baby.

Here's the thing about new love...

I take payment-in-kind.

... you have to feed it.

Soon enough, I was back on my feet.

Ready to move on, to make new friends.

She means fucking business!

- Oh, here we go! - Whip me!

She has taken a whip from the pivot,

catapulted to the high side!

Oh!

Yeah! Come on!

It was time for Gotham to meet the new Harley Quinn,

so I really put myself out there.

Ride that pole like you ride your man!

God damn it. Sit the fuck down.

What?

I said sit your skinny ass down, you dumb slut.

Okay.

You broke my fucking legs!

Oh , boo-hoo.

What?

It's not a party without a little drama, am I right?

Come on! Turn it up!

Shots on the house.

Call me dumb. I have a PhD, motherfucker.

- Miss Quinn. - Romy.

That was my driver.

Oh, whoops.

Well, I'm sure it was his fault. Consider him fired.

Consider me grateful.

Especially since I know you don't like me.

I agitate his already delicate sense of mental equilibrium.

That and his obsessive-compulsive need to be the center of attention.

Will your paramour be joining us this evening?

Not tonight, Romy. Not tonight.

Well, enjoy yourself, Miss Quinn. And do give the Joker my best.

Okay, fine, so I hadn't

told people about the breakup.

But you don't understand.

Find me a new driver.

Being Joker's girl gave me immunity.

I could do whatever I wanted to whoever I wanted,

and no one ever dared to object.

Two for one You know a bitch buy four

And two left feet You know I always drop

First thing a girl did Was a bop

I'm the whole damn cake And the cherry on top

Shook up the bottom Made a good girl pop

You ain't even here to party Ken in the club tryna pipe a Barbie

And don't let him give you shit, okay?

You have to stick up for yourself.

I don't wanna Row, row, row the boat

Wrist full of rocks And I hope I float

Big up yourself 'Cause you know they don't

I chew, chew, chew 'Cause they hope I choke

I'm a bitch, I'm a boss

I'm a bitch and a boss And I shine like gloss

I'm a bitch, I'm a boss

I'm a bitch and a boss And I shine like gloss

I'm a bitch, I'm a boss

I'm a bitch and a boss And I shine like gloss

Oh, please. I give it a few days

before they're back together.

Even when I did try and tell people,

they didn't believe me.

Come on. She told me they're really

broken up this time.

Sure they are, Shell.

That's why she's still wearing that tacky "J" necklace.

She is going to be running right back into his arms

the minute he snaps his fingers.

If not him, the next closest alpha male

- with a pulse. - Mmm-hmm.

Some people just aren't born

- to stand on their own. - Oh, girl,

- let's drink. Come on. - All right.

I knew I needed to find

some way to show the world

that I'd cut ties with Mr. J for good.

Harley!

Some people have the Eiffel Tower, or Olive Garden.

The Joker and I?

Our love bloomed in a highly toxic industrial processing plant.

And luckily for me,

I have all my best ideas drunk.

I have the best idea!

The fuck? Hey! Hey! Come back here!

This is where it all began, Puddin'.

You motherfucker!

It was the closure I needed.

A fresh start.

A chance to be my own woman.

But I wasn't the only dame in Gotham looking for emancipation.

This is our story.

And I'm telling it, so I'll start where I fucking want.

Meet the cop.

I got 50 says it was turf war.

Not him.

Well, as always, you're wrong, Munroe.

Her. Renee Montoya.

Raised on '80s cop shows, she's always saying cheesy shit like...

There was only one shooter.

Inside.

This guy shot out the glass.

Serrano.

Yo. Hey.

Have Ballistics check for a bullet in one of those parked cars.

Ten years ago, she broke a career-making case.

- Did I stutter? - Go ahead.

But her partner at the time took all the credit.

So while he made captain,

she got stuck at detective level with this idiot.

Okay, you think one guy got all four?

Wait, wait, wait.

I'm just saying, we got four dead bodies here, you know.

- One guy... Bullet holes. - I'm trying to work.

I'm sorry. Go ahead and work. Go ahead.

The shooter got close before drawing. Six rounds.

Two for each of these three.

Yo, mind your debt.

- I'm telling you. - That girl, Angelina, she's a princess.

- Whoa. Hey. - Look at this.

- Is it Halloween? - Hey. How you doing?

And it wasn't about them.

It was all about this guy, right here.

Do you know who I am?

You fucking bitch.

And this arrow through his throat...

She wanted him to die slowly.

- She? - We got a hair.

And he's got a new assassin.

Who does?

Roman Beauvais Sionis.

Jesus Christ.

This is Montoya. What the hell was that?

Shit.

Wow.

- Detective. - Yep?

Found this necklace.

Holy shit.

Good work, Officer.

What is it?

Harley Quinn and the Joker broke up.

What?

This was their spot.

She just publicly updated her relationship status.

Harley Quinn just called open season on herself.

She did not think this one through.

Yeah, no shit I didn't think it through.

I'm about to learn that a lot of people in this city want me dead.

And at the top of that list is this guy.