The Buccaneers

You know what they say about a watched pot.

But they're so late.

In a few hours, this house will be filled with New York's finest.

Well, I would say New York's finest is already right here.

- You'll crease my dress. -

Why, thank you, Mr. Colonel, sir.

Hmm.

Well, I don't give a fig about anyone else coming.

Actually, Mrs. Paramore responded and said she was looking forward to it.

But I don't give a fig about any of them.

Well, Patti, both daughters triumphant.

Why, even the papers have heard of the duke's arrival.

Ha!

You are good to keep me company while Theo's away. Are you bored?

Not at all.

I am. And you never bore me, generally.

I was hoping for diverting conversation,

but you're unusually short of disgraceful stories.

Just tired. Late nights, you know how it is.

Not recently, unfortunately.

But it's not that. Are you in love?

Sorry?

Your mother held her shoulders like that after she met your father.

Some kind of dancing injury, if I know her.

Guy, in the nicest way, what are you doing here with your shoulders like that?

What are you waiting for?

- - Theo's a duke, poor lamb.

He has to carry the burden of waiting for a suitable girl.

But I don't know if you'd noticed, you're not that important.

Well, thank you.

If she's suitable to you,

don't be like your father, politely waiting for life to happen.

Your mother grabbed life.

When she met your father by that lake,

she didn't sit around hoping he'd come to her.

She declared her love in a letter,

wrote it there and then on the bank and took it to give to him.

Your grandmother was appalled.

But your father, well, he loved her her entire life.

We all did.

A life without love is a life half-lived.

And from my grand old age, Guy, let me promise you,

you're a long time dead and you're even longer old.

Now, pass me those potatoes.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Well, well, well, what time do you call this?

- Oh, sweetheart. Welcome home. - Hi, Dad.

Nan. Come on, my girls.

Is she doing her funny arms dance?

- - Oh, go, go.

My little girls.

Mmm. My two little girls are home. Oh!

Oh.

- Colonel. - Yes.

Mrs. St. George. So very pleased to make your acquaintance.

Oh, well, the pleasure is-is all ours.

Oh, I gotta hug you!

- Oh, it's so good to meet you. -

And Jinny got herself a lord.

Check it out, Madison Avenue!

Uh, l-let us get your bags.

No, no, we didn't want to impose. So we're staying at the Grand.

The Grand. What a treat.

- Someone wants to say hello. - Everybody's here. Aw!

- Do you wanna hold her? - Yes. Yes, please.

Miss Testvalley, both my daughters happy and settled,

and it's all down to you.

Yes. Yes.

Well, we do our best, of course. But it's not what you're used to, I know.

We picked all the furniture ourselves,

and I'm afraid the paintings aren't the least bit old.

- Is that a dove in a cage? - Yes.

We're having a party with food and people...

No, we know what a party is. Why are we having one?

To welcome you home.

We've had so many RSVPs, you have no idea.

The Astors, the Cliffords. Perhaps even the Paramores.

But why is there a dove in a cage?

Mrs. Cooper-Lockhart had a heron. It's to do with birds being chic.

And my color scheme is dove-themed.

Excellent. Now, who's ready for a man's drink

away from all this, uh, twittering? Gentlemen.

Girls, quick, quick. You all need to get washed.

I am so sorry. I did not know that there was going to be a party...

No, I'm... I'm intrigued. Will the doves be let out at some point?

Will Mrs. Somebody-Somebody bring her heron?

I think anything at all is possible.

Darling, please. The guests will be arriving any minute

- and I wanna show you off. - Why?

Well, because I'm your mother.

Well, look who's lowering the tone.

- - Lizzy!

Lizzy!

- Oh. Lizzy. - Lizzy!

- Oh. I missed you. Hi. - Hi. Aw.

- So happy to see you! - What have you been doing?

- Or should I say who have you been doing? - Yes!

Who's the lucky man keeping you here and away from us?

I couldn't care less about boys and marriage.

- Lizzy? Who's stolen Lizzy? -

Now, uh, there's a party that's about to start.

So, let's get you all dressed.

- - Happy to see you home.

Oh...

Gentlemen, shall we?

Ah.

So sorry. Sorry. I think I gave you a telegram to send.

- Yes, sir. - But I need it back.

I have to get it back. I have to get that...

Took a while for them to transcribe, sir. And not cheap, I'm afraid, being so long.

Right.

Right. Yes, it was a lengthy one.

Thank you very much.

So sorry to...

My two favorite dancers. Listen, go have fun.

Duke!

Is it, uh, duke or, d... Uh... ...duke?

Oh, anyhow, so you have your drink? Sorry it's not tea.

Will Nan be joining us?

Oh, she'll no doubt be getting into trouble somewhere.

So, how did you convince our little free spirit to say yes, huh?

The minute she could walk, no one could catch her.

Well, I think I'm just hoping to walk alongside her.

Oh, nice. That's a nice line, Nan's a lucky girl.

Mrs. Paramore, welcome. I know how in demand you are.

Oh, we wouldn't have missed it.

You've gone for doves, I see.

The Astors only had canaries at theirs, and they didn't look well.

The canaries or the Astors?

- Both. -

Congratulations, Mrs. St. George. How very far you've come.

Nan?

Nan?

Well, I'm just gonna wait right here then, okay?

Nan, you said you wouldn't today.

Now that I'm actually in this house, I can't simply just make my face pretend.

- - Girls.

Girls.

Well, I'm happy for them.

For my part, the doves are a step too far. But Patricia's never shy of excess.

Who is, in New York?

Whereas if it had been me...

- Lizzy, if you hadn't... - Disappointed the family?

- - Let us all down?

Decided, for whatever reason... ...ill-health or over-excitement,

to take yourself away, perhaps we'd be holding a party of this kind.

Well, I'm just saying, you were the pick of that ball on that staircase.

Everyone said so. And if you'd only agree to go back to England and try it out...

- What? - Oh, yes, she refuses.

Now that she's met the queen, she thinks she is one.

- Perhaps if I had had daughters more... - Agreeable?

- Obedient? - Appealing!

There, you've made me say it. I've said it, appealing.

- I have to go find Jinny. - Wait, Lizzy.

I'm just saying, if you'd both been more open to the process,

this could've been our party.

Yeah. Well, only without the doves, right?

Oh, the doves are a step too far, certainly.

In polite society, you don't actually drink a drink, you know?

I believe you do drink drinks, Mother.

Mabel, I was a girl once and thought I knew what was what.

But I'm afraid gradually you're forced to realize, you know nothing at all.

When the others go back to England, you'll be staying here with me.

What? No, I can't.

I'm afraid if Lizzy's here then so are you.

What would people say if I have daughters on different continents?

Your sister has ruined it for us all.

Mother, please, she just...

Nan, what is it?

Everyone's down there.

I'm nobody to you. You have never been my mother.

Everything you've told me my entire life has been a complete...

Jinny, go downstairs, please.

I'm so sorry. This is all my fault.

This isn't about faults, darling. Now, go downstairs and enjoy your moment.

Shoulders back. Head high.

Sorry!

Sorry.

I don't believe we've met.

- Elizabeth. Lizzy. - It's a pleasure.

There you are. I'm so sorry.

- I was just... Are you having a good time? - Yes.

I've just been introduced to Elizabeth.

But you know Lizzy. She stayed at your house and at Runnymede.

There were rather a lot of people there that weekend.

Of course, I...

- We were all running around. -

I mean, it was a bit of a blur.

I'm sorry, I just...

I'm sorry.

If I had never been born or if I'd never existed...

Don't, please.

It would have been easier. It would have been better for you and for Daddy.

The whole family must have been whispering and nudging,

and having to stop talking whenever I walked into a room.

It was never like that.

Why did you lie? Every day you woke up, and you spent the whole day lying to me.

And then the next day you got up, and you lied to me again.

- Darling, we've made mistakes. - You've made mistakes.