House

Shouldn't they be up by now?

I'm sure they're fine.

They're gonna run out of air.

I'm happy to kill my daughter,

but I feel a little awkward about killing your son.

They're spending time together.

It's good.

We're a family now. They need to bond.

Yeah, well...

They can bond with full air intake.

Julie, surface now.

Help! Shark!

Please don't scare me like that.

What? You said we should bond.

Well, look what I found.

You're not supposed to take anything off the wreck.

How cool is this?

They kind of look like feathers.

Can I see?

Ow!

Julie!

Get her a towel.

What was in that jar?

Why aren't you guys in my office?

Why are you in the building? It's 8:00 in the morning.

Where's Chase? He's not here because

it's 8:00 in the morning.

16-year-old girl-- high fever, vomiting,

bloodshot eyes.

Wow. The case of the really bad flu.

Hmm, let me see.

Did I leave anything out? Oh, yeah.

The smallpox.

Smallpox was eradicated over 30 years ago.

So were hush puppies.

Have you checked out your local hipster coffee shop lately?

Smallpox doesn't exist outside of P4 Labs

and bioweapon plants.

She was in Bermuda. Where she was scuba diving on the wreck

of a Dutch slave ship that had been intentionally sunk

because an epidemic of smallpox had broken out on board.

Was the ship sunk in water?

Because viruses can't survive contact with water.

If the virus had been kept on the outside of an airtight jar,

that might be an issue.

The jar held old-school inoculations.

They kept the scabs of the infected people.

The virus can't survive over 200 years.

You have.

Thanks for calling back.

Uh, listen, I'm a screenwriter,

and is it theoretically possible

for smallpox to survive

for more than 200 years underwater

in a sealed glass jar?

Well, theoretically, yes, but--

Thank you.

So who do we believe--

CDC or Dr. 90210?

Isolate,

get baseline blood draws for smallpox antibodies

and vaccinate the entire family.

We should test for the 21st-century suspects--

varicella and measles.

You're free to perform whatever unnecessary tests

you want, Foreman.

Slavery was abolished years ago.

Why the hell do you guys have us quarantined in here?

We're just taking every precaution.

Against what?

What do you think I have?

One possibility is tetanus

from the glass jar that sliced your hand.

I remember tetanus shots.

That does not look like tetanus shots.

It's really not worth going into,

because the odds are astronomical.

Tell me.

Again, it's--

smallpox.

Smallpox?

The vaccine will protect you if you don't have it

and lessen the severity if you already do.

B-but it's a billion-to-one, so...

We don't want you to panic or anything.

How do I not panic

with that information?

Idiot in exam room one needs antidiarrheals

and a dictionary.

You're not scheduled for clinic duty now.

I had some free time. I owed four hours.

Don't you have a case?

Yeah. Then don't worry about it.

Are you a Stepford doctor?

If you're busy, you don't need to be down here.

You're serious.

Yep. Get out of here.

I can't.

I forgot her stuffed animal at home.

It's been with her

through all the chemo sessions so far.

I need Lamby.

He doesn't want me to do it alone.

Honey, there's no other way.

You're just gonna have to be brave, okay?

What if I get someone to sit with her

while you run home and get Lamby?

I'll get a nurse.

Then I have to deal with a...

Very sick man.

I think she knows.

Who is she, and what does she know?

Cuddy. And... that I faked a lab test

and lied to her to save my last patient.

What did she do?

She let me out of clinic duty by saying I had a case.

She's never done that.

She's also probably never ordered the pasta special

in the cafeteria.

Would that also have

some special paranoid message to send you?

I am not imagining this.

It's an aberration in the way that she treats me.

How do I find out what it means?

You don't.

If she doesn't know, all you're gonna do

by sniffing around is make her suspicious.

If she does know, you'll find out soon enough.

What if I die of curiosity in the meantime?

You were an idiot for lying to her in the first place.

Don't be more of an idiot now.

Say nothing to no one about anything.

That includes me.

It's not smallpox.

Blood work suggests some other infection.

White count is way down.

Masters, have you got a boyfriend?

That's none of your business.

Ah, probably just a dry spell.

House, you do realize

we just ruled out smallpox?

Would you ever be extra nice to a theoretical boyfriend

if you were really mad at him?

I guess the only reason I would be extra nice

is because I'm angry, and I just want him to go away

so I don't have to deal with him anymore.

You passive/aggressive bitch.

You just asked me--

what about Foreman's unnecessary tests?

Negative for varicella and measles.

So all of our ideas are off the table.

I'm putting mine back on.

Patient's a diver.

Under increased pressure, everything in the blood

gets scared, panics, runs, and hides.

Antibodies could be in the joints.

Tap her knee, ankle, shoulder,

and any other joint in her smallpox-ridden body.

Good talk.

You know.

Of course I know.

Oh, thank God.

I thought I was just being paranoid.

Why didn't you say something?

'Cause I wanted you to come to me and apologize.

I can't apologize if I haven't done anything wrong.

You lied to my face.

To do my job,

to save a patient's life.

Look, I don't want to go all Godfather on you.

This was business.

I wouldn't lie to you about something personal.

Well, you don't get to lie to me about anything.

I can't compartmentalize my life like that.

Well, maybe you should practice, 'cause it comes in handy.

I think you should go.

Ow.

Sorry.

I have to get the needle behind the bone.

I'm running out of bones.

If this is a waste of time--

last one.

You just have to be...

What?

What--what is it?

I'm sorry. I have to call the .

I think you do have smallpox.

Am I gonna die?

I mean, this is what terrorists want to use

to kill everyone, right?

Like, there's no cure.

There are treatments. We can give you cidofovir.

I don't think you care about the drugs' names.

Bottom line-- it's 30% fatal,

which means your chances of being okay

are about the same as a basketball player's chance

at hitting a free throw,

unless she finds dark, purplish skin blotches.

What would purple blotches mean?

Hemorrhagic-type smallpox.