Impractical Jokers

Narrator: Coming up, is murr getting

His "stars" crossed?

Live long, and may the force prosper.

What's got q feeling wretched?

We have a lab, and as soon

As you give us a puke sample,

You can get paid and leave.

And which losing joker will take a sad song

And not make it better in tonight's punishment?

Sal: Prepare for something amazing.

Hey, mustache, what's up?

Murr: Like a boss!

Sal: I will never forgive you!

Joe: Larry!

"why my shirt stink tho?"

Today, we were competing head-to-head

As television executives pitching our new tv show ideas.

The goal is to convince a roomful of strangers

That your ideas are the best.

The catch is we don't know what we're pitching

Because our opponent wrote all the ideas.

At the end, they'll ask the group who had the best ideas.

If they don't choose you, you're canceled.

-Hello. -Hi. Hello.

We work for a tv development company.

We have loglines of shows,

Which are just little summaries. -Alright.

Joe and q are pitching tv ideas

And they've written each other's,

So they haven't seen it until right now.

Okay, so this is called -- I'm very proud of this one.

This is called "soaking wet heaven," okay?

"even angels like to be bad.

Meet the sexy teenage angels that live in heaven

And love to have pool parties.

These parties come with lots of drama,

So hang on to your halo.

In the name of the father, the son,

And the holy shit." he did what?!

It sounds like a lot of eye candy.

-Exactly. -But I don't know

If there's a lot of depth.

None. There's no depth.

When you open your eyes at the pearly gates,

Do you want to see "ugh!"

Or do you want to see "yeah!"?

I wouldn't want to see what we've already seen.

I would want to see something different.

You've already seen everything that's on this earth.

It's very easy to create something

We've never seen or heard before.

I'll get right on it.

We got plenty of that for you.

Wait till you hear this idea.

Speaking of that, ready?

"quack addicts."

-Oh. -One doctor, seven ducks,

One wife, three kids, one referee,

10 pounds of highly addictive,

Opioid-infused birdseed.

60 minutes --

42 minutes with commercial breaks.

Six guns, one bullet. You do the math.

Hope you didn't clip your nails this weekend,

Because you're gonna be biting them.

-I'm curious. -Thank you.

"soaking wet heaven," with the sexy angels,

No good, but ducks...

"quack addicts." ...Addicted to opioids, with guns?

Never seen it. Never seen it.

- -never seen it. Never heard it.

It's like you guys literally just said something

And my next idea was genius and filled that void.

Alright, alright, alright. Let me try something.

Go ahead, buddy. Get in there.

Here's something you haven't seen before.

"law & order: Suv."

-Right? -You unoriginal hack.

"law & order: Suv."

This police procedural and legal drama

Specializes in car crimes involving, specifically,

Suvs.

She's confounded.

I want to hear from our friend April. April.

Why?

A woman of such efficient words.

You've seen the "law & order" series,

The popular "law & order" series that's been on 20 seasons?

-Yeah. -This one is that with suvs.

Look at her face.

The sharks are circling, q.

Going off April's "why?" I'll tell you why,

And the show's called "dalmatian, under god."

"after accidentally drinking dog medicine,

A young vet tech realizes

That the dog she's about to deball

Is actually an angel with a message."

-Deball. -Deball.

"'quit your job, buy a truck, drive.'

What follows is a story of love, redemption,

And hallucinations caused by the dog medicine."

She's going to deball the dog.

-Deball. -Going to castrate the dog,

But she realizes that she shouldn't

Because he is an angel, telling her

What she should be doing with her life.

Yeah, like "angels in the outfield."

Get to it, April. Get to it, April.

Cut to the chase, April.

April's -- she's processing.

Why?

"why?"

I think she gave us our new slogan for season 9 -- "why?"

season 9 -- "why?"

-Ooh. -You think nine seasons is too many?

-Yeah. -I certainly do.

Alright, they're not all going to be winners.

-That's right. -This one is, though.

"what maketh a man?"

"the story of the first man

To have his consciousness uploaded into a robot body

And his legal battle

To get his human penis back."

April, "why?" April, just tell me, "why?"

No, I love the idea, at first, but why the penis?

Because that's all I care about!

Why not his brain or why not his heart

Or something of substance? But his penis?

April! April! April!

I want to know what the hell happens to the penis.

-Right? -I mean, I want to know.

Well, if he's a robot, he doesn't need a penis.

I hear, but do we need art?

Sal: They're in a heated debate

About a human penis on an ai body.

He only cares about the testicles. Testicles.

The penis. Yeah.

-Dick pouch. -Dick pouch.

-Pair of eggs. -That pair of eggs.

The figs.

-The figs. -The figs.

Alright, nards. Well --

Uh, here we go. Twig and berries.

The next one here -- "why my shirt stink tho?"

Joan bridgewater is a real woman from chagrin falls, ohio,

Who our producers have targeted.

"real woman."

The psychological torturing of joan begins

After we sneak into her home,

Dosing her with a heavy amount of dolphin tranquilizer.

Then, we sneak into her clothing,

And make them smell like when they're not fully dry,

And it gets that mildew stank.

Watch what happens when joan asks everyone around her,

"why my shirt stink, though?"

Are you okay?

Wait. That's it? What's the draw?

Joan bridgewater doesn't know she's been dolph-tranqed.

She's a real woman who's been dolph-tranqed,

And her clothes have been made musty.

April is shaking her head.

Bored.

"bored"?

She's the king of one word.

Alright. Well, there we go.

We're just gonna ask you who you think you had

The better slate of developments.

I think joe's got it.

I think so, too.

So, if you think my ideas were better, please raise your hand.

Got one.

And then, for brian's ideas, raise your hand.

Sal: Whoa!

Oh!

Unbelievable!

Oh!

You've been de-balled, son!

I've been de-balled.

Substance over quantity.

He had a "law & order" series about suvs, April.

It's full mayhem. They're all arguing.

Honestly -- honestly, you know what?

His ideas are great because I wrote them all.

-Here we go. -My name is james murray.

I have worked as a head of tv development

For many, many years.

Prince herb is a bartender.

And we have a slate of programming...

Now, you don't know what the ideas are.