Doomsday Brothers (Les frères apocalypse)

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Captain!

The Thartorian Ambassador demands permission to board.

Very well, crewman!

Lower the ion shields

and initiate subatomic transfer beam thing.

Aye, captain!

-Captain Thadeus, you must leave our star system immediately

or be blasted into a billion pieces.

Oh, I don't think so.

The only thing that's getting blasted today, Ambassador...

is your booty.

Hey, little bro!

Hey, wake up! We got trouble.

What were you dreaming about?

You were licking all over your pillow.

Huh? Nothing! I don't know

but it was very innocent and not awkward or weird at all!

Hey! Sounds like there's trouble outside. Let's go!

-Wow! Got to love that hustle.

Ah!

-What are you waiting for? Shoot!

Give me that!

-Holy shit! How'd you boys do that?

-They didn't. Those weirdly hot chicks did.

-Yeah? Well, we distracted it.

I want that in the record. -Silence, Ginger Beard!

We track this beast for days.

Beast belongs to us!

-Well, that thing looks like it tastes like ass anyway.

And you would know, big boy!

Ha, ha, nailed him!

-Hey... Hi, I'm Danika.

-I, Humanga! Leader of Barbarian Circle Tribe.

Danika is funny name.

I think I call you "Three Legs".

Don't be offend. It's how I remember people.

Just as Two Butts.

Hello!

-Maybe you want to come visit Barbarian Circle camp

up in yonder mountains?

-Are we talking a friendly visit, or... a "friendly" visit?

-Oh no! That's not happening!

My daughter's staying right here.

Who knows what kind of gang this is?

It's all girls, so you know they're out of their minds.

-And the power surge is tomorrow!

You'll miss all the fun.

-I'm sorry, what part of standing around the Brew n'Chug

watching gross old people get shit-faced is fun?

-Does Discount Fashions annoy you? Want me to stab him?

-Nah, you'll just get polyester all over your spear.

Ha! Ha!

-I'll have you know this is Rayon!

Ah...

-Maybe there's something wrong with my brain?

-You dreamed you were kissing me, I'd say "yep"!

-Maybe it's a brain tumour in my brain!

I think my mind's going. It's the only explanation.

Look at my eyes!

Are they wonky? I wonder how big it is.

Brain tumours can grow to the size of basketballs, you know?

Any bumps on my head?

-There will be if you don't chill out.

-Easy for you to say, you don't have a massive meatball

growing inside your cranium!

I'm gonna help you, okay?

-Sure, what are you gonna... OW!

-There! You still need help?

What's this?

Brother stuff! What's up?

Oh, I got a doozy.

My daughter ran off with that gaggle of giant lesbians.

-Alright! Danika's gonna get lai...

...late for dinner! Sorry.

Good save!

-Alright, buckle up! We got to go.

Judith, that door is solid steel four meters thick.

Your efforts to penetrate it are futile.

-Said every girl you ever met!

Argh!

Ah, crap! We could save ourselves a lot of time

and a ton of hammers if you'd just open up, AENUS.

As we've discussed, I'm unable to do that

until I've received further instructions.

But speaking of "opening up",

let's talk about why you feel so compelled

to leave the safety of this bunker.

-Or, we could talk about what this

could do to your central processors.

Judith, I'm trained to help survivors overcome

the posttraumatic stress of the Apocalypse.

Why won't you just let me help you?

Ah, that's good!

Physical activity is a great way to avoid depression.

But if you want to do chin-ups,

we have a very fine facility over here.

Ah, shut up!

Hum, that's not the way to the gym!

-This is our camp. Do you like?

-Cool. So... what do you do for fun?

-We kidnap random girls and we hunt them for sport.

Ah! I make joke. You should see your face!

Mostly, we hunt for food

or we just sit around getting high and hooking up.

-Ah... I like the sound of those last two!

-But first, we hunt for food.

-Three Legs gets ceremonial first bite of liver...

or whatever this is I cut out.

-Uh, I'm not really into putting veiny hunks of meat in my mouth.

-Oh, come on! Is tradition! Just the tip.

Fine. But I won't swallow.

Ah... hop!

So, what's the play here?

Do we go in covert or give them the old shock and awe?

-You know, this is how serial killers start.

You get a tumour pressing on your amygdala

and next thing you know, you're cooking human ears.

-You're still on this? Focus! How do we go in?

-Stealth. Stick by those rocks and move in the shadows.

Anyway, if I do turn psychopath,

you have to promise not to let me hurt anyone

once the murderous urges take over.

Ah!

-Got it. I'll shoot you in the head.

Thanks, man.

Oh!

Hey, what are you doing? Get your hands off me!

You are gonna hunt me for sport!

I thought we were friends!

Relax, Three Legs!

It's surprise initiation ceremony!

You become one of us! Welcome to tribe!

-Seriously? That's so nice!

Wait,

I don't have to eat any more bloody chunks of meat, do I?

-Not unless my Aunt Flo's in town.

Ha! Got you again!

No, but seriously, welcome to tribe!

Before I make Three Legs member of Barbarian Circle tribe,

anyone have objection?

Perfect!

Then if it please Great Circle of Contusion, we ask...

Oh, hold on, someone has objection.

Anyone else?

Okay...

Okay now, to prove her loyalty to Barbarian Circle tribe,

Three Legs must spill blood of enemy.

-I'm sorry, what? -Don't worry. Just formality.

Bring in prisoners!

These creeps were spying on camp.

Now, they must die.

Three Legs will chop their heads off!

Then, we play soccer with heads.

Ah!

-Damn kid ran off just like her mother.

At least Carmen's coming back one day.

I just know it.

-Hey, what are you doing out here?

Oh, you're worried about Danika?

-Yeah, want to help me take my mind off it?

-Easy, tiger. what if Vijay sees us from the tower?

Ah!

I think we're safe.

Oh, that's the spot...

Oh, do you like it too?

Oh!

What it is?