How to Ruin Christmas: The Wedding - Third Season

- -

What have I done?

What have I done?

I knew something bad was gonna happen.

[Beauty and Sbu grunting and breathing deeply]

Push it down.

This is all your fault.

Suffering. Suffering is part of the birthing journey.

We must suffer in order to appreciate joy.

I should have never let you rope me into this.

Everything's gonna be fine. Just breathe.

No. You breathe. I'm done with this.

Beauty...

Look, I know, my love, you don't want a Capricorn,

but it's a bit too late now.

No, she's talking about the baby shower. Uh, Beauty, please come back into the tub.

All right? We're not done with the simulation.

We have literally done this, like, 100 times.

Mm-hmm. But preparation is key.

Yes, and so is keeping our mothers apart, something you all overrode me on. So...

Beauty, the showering of the new mother is a beautiful, transcendent rite of passage.

It's such a beautiful...

Africa.

This is not a passage. This is a boxing match.

His mother's Cassper Nyovest, and my...

Why's my mother Cassper Nyovest?

Let's breathe.

Okay. Beauty, you need to relax, okay? It's just a baby shower.

Afterwards, we get to go away for Christmas.

You know that when it comes to our family, Christmas is always a shitshow.

Yeah, but Tumi's not here this year. What... what... what could go wrong?

Just breathe out.

-It's okay. -It's okay.

Since Aunt Dineo is a Real Housewife of Joburg now,

surely she could've hired someone for all this labor?

Careful, she might hear.

Maybe if you stopped gossiping, we wouldn't be running late.

Maybe if you helped us, we'd be done by now.

And ruin my outfit?

She's doing too much just for a baby shower.

I can hear you, and it's a launch.

I'm throwing a baby launch.

You know what?

You're so out of touch.

Auntie Grace... What happened to her?

The spirit of Valencia.

Keeping up with the Twalas has made her a monster.

Tumi did herself a favor by going on a solocation.

Actually, I wish I was in Rusty Dusty with Moipone instead of being here with Dineo.

Hey, you two, the chicken is not ready!

But I put it on the stove hours ago.

Was that before or after the electricity went off?

- Must be the sheds. - What?

- Load-shedding. - It's not Eskom.

Shadrack!

Shadrack!

When will you start respecting me by calling me your brother?

I'm busy.

Shearing. Shearing.

Not shaving, do you hear me?

That rubbish urn tripped the electricity again.

Fix it. We need to go.

But I haven't even had breakfast.

Shadrack!

Just come and fix it, then you can have breakfast when you are done.

Oh my God. Please give me the strength of Job to deal with my enemies.

This chicken isn't going to cook itself.

-No, Auntie Grace. -Let's go.

-I'm tired. - Me too.

Succulent.

Let's go before they eat you.

Shadrack!

Dineo, I'm coming!

Everything came together quite nicely.

Precious.

It's a mess.

Just as I imagined.

The theme was "A royal affair."

It looks like we're at China Mall.

Ditch that job.

Or you'll go from Precious the Planner to Precious the Pauper.

Hmm.

I need all hands on deck.

We don't have time.

Go. Go, go, go.

What the hell is that?

It's an attraction piece.

Mrs. Sello asked us to hang it up for the guests.

- An attraction piece? -Hmm.

Is that attractive to you?

-Get rid of it now. - Get rid of it.

Fuck!

Box Office King, Thabang Moleya.

So, what do you prefer? Shall I stand, or should I sit?

I don't know. What is more presidential?

You know what I'm thinking? Maybe we should go to the indoor pool.

Our new home is full of gems with good lighting.

No, no, like we said before, sitting right there is fine, Mr. Twala.

Ah. So formal.

Call me Minister.

Okay, Minister, so with all the issues that are plaguing our country,

what message do you think it sends to our people

for you to be buying a luxury game lodge?

I mean, should they be searching your furniture

for loose change?

Hmm.

You see, um... I'm creating jobs here.

And, um, a lot of people stand to benefit from this.

Like the steel industry.

"Steel..."

Learning can happen, you know, day and night.

Ah, Sibusiso!

Come. Come here and tell the nation that you, the fruit of my loins,

are the real brains behind KwaTwalasberg.

Dad, you do know it's not actually called that, right?

Yeah, it's semantics, son.

As long as they know that it's my lodge, it's fine.

Also, technically not all yours...

All right, cut, man!

"Cut"? You can't say that. That's my job.

Yeah, then do your job. You can see he's derailing the interview.

- Mr. Twala... -Minister.

-Minister... - Yes.

Um, I think your son would be a valuable contribution.

No. Yes, I'd love to, right?

But I'm just not really for the whole cameras thing.

Besides, Dad, you know we have to go to the baby shower.

It won't take long.

Oh. Oh. My phone... ringing.

Oh. I gotta I take this.

I think we should cut him. He doesn't have my charisma.

Themba.

Brother, what time does your thing start again?

Why are we whispering?

I always speak like this.

You're running away from Shaka, aren't you?

I'm this close to getting in the car and fetching the nanny from the Maseru,

because I can't handle this.

- -

- Themba? -

Hey, what's going on? Are you still there?

I think he found me.

Sbu, sorry.

If you could give us just one or two questions and we can wrap this up?

Wh-wh-whoa, whoa, whoa. Who's that?

It's Dad's interview.

They need a son's perspective.

But I'm a son.

Listen, T, I have to go. Please don't be late.

Whoa. Brother, what time does this thing of yours start again?

-Fuck. - Fuck!

Great.

Now he'll be repeating that the whole day today.

-We need to go home right now. -Right now?

Is the shower there now? Did I read the invitation wrong?

-Oh, fuck. - Fuck!

-Hey! -

No, there's a father-and-son interview happening at home,

and I'm not even there.

Sbu got your parents out of their financial hole?

So? Baby...

...how hard is it to balance some books,

get an investor, and buy a lodge?

Okay, Themba, where's your lodge, then?

Come on, can't you see what's happening?

What?

Ever since Sbu came back from London, they don't care about us.

- -You don't see it. No, you don't see it.

This is all in your head, okay?

This lodge is for the entire Twala family.

Now please, Themba...

Can we get ready? Because we are always late.

Fuck.

Fuck!

["No! No! Señor" by Brenda and the Big Dudes playing]

You're welcome, Dineo.

You know, Precious was not available.

So I decided to put this together myself.

What do you think?

Yo, yo, yo!

Now this is giving.

What's giving?