The Millers

Hey, sorry we're late with the snacks. We left the house late,

plus we had a little situation at the grocery store.

Yeah, thanks to that uppity cashier.

You should have seen her face

when I asked her to double-bag our ice cream in plastic.

It was like I was using a chain saw

to cut my way through the Amazon.

How dare she?

I'm the original recycler.

This shirt used to be a curtain.

Oh, God, let's just keep the curtains closed, huh?

Wait, you guys haven't ordered a movie yet?

No. Dad's taking forever to pick.

The alternative is to let Mikayla pick,

and then we end up watching "The Muppets"

- for the 20th time this month. - Yeah, and frankly,

I think Mikayla's too young to be seeing Gonzo's nose.

Tom, please let me cut your hair.

You look like you got a mullet on backwards.

The only person I trust to cut my hair is Carol,

and she said I lost that privilege in the divorce.

Your dad had a little bit of an incident with a barber a few years ago.

The guy wasn't paying attention and he stabbed me in the eye!

He nicked him.

He almost blinded me.

There's still three shades of green I can't see.

I go from mint to hunter.

Emerald, Kelly and forest? Gone!

You can use my barrette if you want, grandpa.

Ah, thanks, sweetie. (sighs)

Mom, come on.

Would you please just cut the man's hair?

He looks like he's in some sort of senior citizens boy band.

He should have thought of that before he left me.

Besides, I'm too busy taking care of the new man in my life.

You.

How do I look?

Like someone who's about to watch "The Muppets".

No!

No, it's fine with me. That little gray frog is a hoot.

The Millers S01E04 "The Mother Is In"

But what the birthday boy doesn't realize

is that the costumed bear is actually his decorated father

returning home from a second tour in Afghanistan.

Dad!

Son! (laughs)

So heartwarming.

Look at you, Nate.

This is not the first time this has happened.

If you keep yawning, we're gonna get stuck doing traffic,

and you know how I feel about helicopters!

They defy the laws of nature.

No wings!

Name one thing in nature that flies around

with a giant propeller on its head

and a smaller one sticking out of its ass!

I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not tired.

My mom takes her bra off at 7:30 every night to watch "Jeopardy",

so I try to make sure I'm in bed by 7:29.

Well, according to the internet,

if you're not tired, yawning can be a sign

of stress or anxiety.

Okay, so maybe I'm stressed. Life can be stressful.

What am I gonna do about it?

Well, lucky you know me. I got a guy.

Yeah, last time you had a guy,

I ended up getting my teeth whitened in a van.

And?

And viewers wrote in about my dazzling smile.

You're damn right they did.

So trust me when I tell you, I got another guy.

He's a therapist.

No, no, no, no, no. No.

No, hear me out. It's not what you think.

This guy's real cool.

No couches, no tweed jackets.

And he already likes you.

That argument that you and I had

about sharing chapstick... He totally took your side.

Look, I don't know, man,

I've always felt secretly superior

about the fact that I've never been to therapy.

If I lose that, all I've got is the fact

that I have a nearly imperceptible sneeze.

God bless you.

Thank you.

Miller, you interested in anchoring

the 4:00 news this Saturday?

Phillips has the stomach flu.

He's blowing it out both ends

like some kind of Chinese firecracker.

Well, yeah, are you kidding?

I'd love to anchor the news.

I mean, any chance to get behind that desk

would be very, very exciting.

Really?

Because you look about as excited

as my wife watching me undress.

And believe me, the feeling is mutual.

Oh, sorry, the yawn. Yeah, n... no, I just...

I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.

Well, make sure you get to bed early on Friday.

Nobody wants to see their anchor yawn.

The last thing we need are people realizing

that the news is boring.

Hey, why didn't you tell me that he was coming?

I didn't hear his tiny footsteps.

He's so little, he must have came from under the table.

So, I... I think that's everything that's been going on

with... with my work and my family, and... and

I just... I just can't figure out why I'm yawning so much.

Thanks for sharing, bro.

Life is a salad bar, and you got a lot on your plate, man.

What do you feel is stressing you out the most?

I don't know, it's... it's kind of hard to pinp...

Oh. Shh.

Don't rush to words.

Use your music.

Tell me with the tambo.

Yeah.

Get a beat.

When you're making music, you're making progress.

You got a beat, now add the lyrics.

Tell me what's wrong.

It's your mom, bro.

Whoa... Come on, really? D... Doesn't that seem like the easy answer?

Dude, you told me yourself, she lives with you in your house,

all up in your biz.

Well, I'm pretty sure I said "business,"

but doesn't everybody come in here

and just "tambo sing" about their mom?

I don't want to be that guy.

Would it make you feel better if we called her your roommate?

How is it living with your roommate?

It's awful.

You know you can take your own turn, right?

And if you could, uh, direct me to a coffee place nearby,

that'd be great.

- (woman on the phone) Sure, no problem. - Mom, would you please put the map away?

I will not.

It makes no sense to pay all this money

to get advice from some stranger

who could easily send us careening off a bridge

because she's too busy changing her baby's diaper.

Hey, Mr. Miller, I can call you back if now is not a good time.

Oh, that's okay, thanks, it'll never be a good time.

Tea tree oil shampoo.

Keeps your hair from going thin.

I'm in the shower.

So what? You're wearing your bathing suit.

Because of the last time!

Has your mom always been this smothering?

Well, uh, she's in my driver's license photo with me, so...

Yeah, I guess it's a pattern.

All right, well, have you ever suggested that she move out?

No, I... I couldn't do that.

I mean, she's... she's... she's seen enough change already.

I mean, I mean, it can't be easy

being single again after 43 years.

When I think about it,

it's actually amazing how brave she's been.

That's a really nice thing to say, bro.

Have you ever thought of cutting your mom off

a healthy slice of that truth pie?

Well, it's kind of hard giving her compliments

when she's so busy criticizing me.

I haven't even told her about the anchor gig,

'cause I don't want to spend two hours

hearing how I pronounce my t's a li'l weak...

Liddle... little.

Look, dude, I think that maybe she's concerned about you

because she thinks she's made such a mess out of her own life,

and maybe if you made her feel better about herself,

then she'll back off on you.

I guess... I guess if we're gonna stop arguing,

somebody needs to make the first move.

I... I could be nicer.

A whole lot of nice never stressed anyone out.

Well, I am finally getting a chance

to anchor the news this Saturday,

and I can't yawn my way through that.

I mean, I've already got one strike against me.

I, uh, I threw my 40th birthday party at Six Flags,

and my boss couldn't ride any of the rides.

Nathan, don't get mad at me,

but I had to rinse my underwear out in the bathroom.

So don't get your panties in a wad

when you find my panties in a wad.

You know what?

We're all human.

As roommates, it's good that we can all be comfortable around each other.

Good, okay.

Happy to hear it.

What?

Mom, I want you to know I know you are going

through a lot right now,

and I think that you are an amazing woman,

and I think that you're very, very brave.

Nathan, that is so sweet.

Why are you telling me this?