The Millers

As you can see, motorists are

in a celebratory mood today

as the speed limit here on Willis Road

switches from 25 back to its original 30 miles an hour.

Nobody is more excited about this switch

than these two commuters.

It's a great day to be an American.

It sure is.

Boy, you two are adorable.

How long you been married?

She's not my wife.

She's my mother.

Sorry, it's just the... the...

the matching jackets threw me.

Mom, I told you people would think we were a couple!

Oh, boy.

Got to get my mom out of my house

or that's my future.

Me and my mom spooning on a giant trike.

Not enjoying living with your mom, huh?

Last night I had to teach her

how to search for things on the Internet.

- Okay, Mom, so this is Bing. - Uh-huh.

You just, you just type what you need in that little box there.

Ooh, this is so exciting!

"Hi, Bing.

My name is Carol Miller."

- Oh, no, no, no, you know what, you don't need to... - "I'm recently single

and living with my son, who is also recently divorced."

You just need a keyword, Mom.

There's nothing wrong with being polite.

"Sorry. That was my son.

Anyway, can you tell me

where a divorcée in her early 60s

would go to purchase a... bikini wax?"

"PS... It has been a while."

And tomorrow, since she doesn't drive,

I get the pleasure of taking her

to a waxing establishment

called Rio de No Hairo.

How about your sister... she can't take her?

I don't want to ask.

I mean, she's already got enough on her plate

with my dad living with her.

Debbie, you can't leave

the towels on the floor.

They get dirty and feel scratchy.

That's a rug, Dad.

Oh.

Never mind.

You know what?

I'll take your mom to her appointment.

- Seriously? - Yeah, I'm due for a waxing anyway.

If I don't get my feet done every couple of months,

I start to look like a black Hobbit.

My sister used to call me "Brodo."

Anyway, well... listen... I just can't wait

for this whole ordeal to be over, my parents to make up

and go back to Myrtle Beach.

Make up?

I thought they said they were getting divorced.

No. No, no.

My parents say they're gonna do lots of stuff,

and then back out when they find out how much it costs.

Uh, swimming pool, laser eye surgery,

Girl Scout cookies.

Besides they're living out of suitcases.

No, this whole thing's done in a couple weeks, tops.

My stuff finally got here.

It's official.

We're roomies.

Couple of months, tops.

The Millers S01E06 "Stuff"

And the special today is a barley and kale soup.

The kale comes from Renfro Organic Farms

just North of Richmond... No farm machinery up there.

Okay? All the soil is tilled by mules

who have been rescued from a Mexican circus show.

I think we'll have some of that pizza.

- It smells great. - Yeah, actually, the pizza...

I got it next door. It's amazing.

Great job, Amber.

And, Katie, don't give up just because you suck.

Okay? (laughs)

See you ladies next week.

Whispering Frog Yoga Café.

Come for the yoga, Namaste for lunch.

I think I figured out a way

to get Mom and Dad back together

and out of our homes.

I'm on my way.

I got to go to Nathan's. Just trust me, it's worth it.

Bye, Dad.

Okay, listen, Tom, if you insist on bringing in outside food,

you got to at least just hide it

in one of these flax seed tortillas.

And they are great.

We get them from this battered women's shelter outside of DC.

You know, it turns out the process

of making these tortillas is very therapeutic.

You know, because all the dough is pounded out by hand.

You know, they say

if you chew thoughtfully,

you can almost taste the healing.

Can you, uh, taste the healing, Tom?

Tom!

Can you taste the healing, Tom?!

Okay, so I've started to sort through everything.

Dad's stuff's there. Mom's stuff's there.

And the rest of this stuff is kind of up for grabs.

Oh, no, this is going to cause a huge fight.

We need to infuse this room with some positive energy.

Positive... energy.

Or instead of relying on magic...

we use every one of these items

like a little bread crumb

to lead them down memory lane,

and out of our houses and back to Myrtle Beach

- where they belong. - Okay, I don't know, Nathan.

They're pretty mad at each other.

I don't think... Oh, look!

Oh, it's us eating ice cream at Happy McGee's.

We'd go every Friday night, try to finish The Kitchen Sink,

so we could get it for free.

Aw, we were so happy and...

- Oh, my God, this could work. - Yeah.

It has to. Mom's been using my face towels

to freshen up her under-boob.

Hey, our stuff!

My stuff!

We need needle nose pliers.

Uh, there's a tool drawer in the kitchen.

Yeah, what happened?

Well, your father got tired of listening to me,

so he shoved a chunk of flax seed tortilla into his ears.

Not every menu item deserves a backstory.

Well! (both laughing)

And it's called "The Snake," see?

Ooh, yeah, ooh...

- You got it, you got it. - Ooh, yeah!

Debbie, next time we do a spa day, you should join us.

Yeah, I'm in. What did you have done?

Well, I was supposed to get a bikini wax,

but it turned into more of a consultation.

Unless I want to pay double,

I have some work to do on my own.

Wow, look at all this stuff.

A papasan chair?

And look at this bookshelf!

Somebody had a gift for sponge painting.

Guilty.

Well, I got the tortilla out of his ear.

I also found a wadded up toll booth receipt.

On the drive up from Myrtle Beach,

I shoved that in there when your mother wouldn't shut up

about me taking the toll road.

Listen, um,

Mom and Dad, so I've, uh,

divided up what is clearly yours

and as far as the rest of it goes

I thought you would start taking turns

selecting sentimental items

from this collection of... of lifetime memories, guys.

Whoever ends up with this Afghan

should know my birthday's coming up.

- Ray... - Okay, Dad?

- Dad, why don't you start us off? - Yeah.

Nah, I'm good.

Wait, what? Whoa, whoa, whoa, no.

Wait, wait, Dad, what are you doing?

Where you going? You barely looked.

Come on, if you don't grab something,

Mom's gonna end up with...

with your wedding album, huh?

Look at this... oh, look at you guys.

Look at you dancing.

Look how high Mom threw you.

You know what? I don't want any of it, either.

There's too many bad memories.

If I never see that seashell lamp again

it will be too soon.

It was on our night stand.

Every time we had sex, your mother used to knock

a bunch of shells off it with her foot.

Looks like it's in pretty good shape to me.

Yup.

Look, come on, you guys.

You can't just walk away from all of this stuff.

I mean, look at, look at this!

Look at this caricature of you guys from Ocean City.

Look at what a, what a pair of fun-loving

big-headed individuals you are.

Yeah, or, uh, Bosco the cat!

You guys, your first pet together!

Remember, he had the cutest meow?

It sounded like he was saying bacon.

I hated that cat. It was always getting me

in the mood for bacon,

which your mother wouldn't let me eat.

"Macon."