Fast Foodies - First Season

Tonight is all about

the greatest flavors known to man.

Fast food.

Bring out my dish!

Tacos!

Mmm, mmm.

This is a celebration of guilty-pleasure eats

and late-night cravings.

That's right! - Ah! No!

Three award-winning chefs...

- So how did you get your tartar sauce a little thicker?

Cause I'm a real chef. - Ooh. Mic drop.

Will compete for the love

of some hungry, hungry celebrities.

Screw you, burgers.

You better try and win.

By recreating...

We have to get it exactly right.

You sure you don't work for Domino's?

- And then remixing their favorite fast-food dishes.

My mouth is like, "What?"

Come for the food...

It's so good. - That was delicious, dude.

Stay for the crazy.

We gotta go purge ourselves or something.

Oh.

This is "Fast Foodies."

The high notes really play well with the--

What we're going to do here tonight

is basically take our favorite fast-food iconic items.

We're going to try to copycat them,

and make them as close to the original as possible,

and then we get to remix it, put our own little spin on it,

and see how our chef brains work.

Yeah, that's dope. Awesome. - Cool.

Let's do it.

I'm stuck. -

And I'm drunk. - Great start.

Tell us who the guest is for tonight.

Our guest...

is a writer, actor, TV host.

You might know him from "Community"

or "The Soup."

Who is it? - Well, I think it's...

Joel McHale.

Here I come.

Welcome. - I'm coming onto the set.

Here it is, guys. Thank you.

What's up, buddy? - I am coming over--

I'm coming all the way around? - Whatever you want.

Do whatever you want. - All right. See you later.

Hey! There's people back here.

Okay.

Thank you for coming on to "Iron Chef."

So we hear that you're opinionated

for a lot of things-- - No, I'm not.

- Especially for fast food. - Where'd you hear that?

Can you rattle off some of these things?

It's not especially for fast food.

It's everything. - I'm a snob about everything.

That shirt is stupid.

Ooh, Joel.

We got our work cut out for us.

What did you bring for us tonight?

It's a live... horse.

Ladies and gentlemen,

put your hands together for a Chicago classic!

It's the Portillo's Chicago-style hot dog.

It's exciting. I got it.

I got it, I got it. I got it.

I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it.

Okay, I got it.

You ready for the second reveal?

Oh, wow. - Let's get a beauty shot.

Portillo's hot dog, everybody.

Get a shot of that.

Get a winning shot.

Work it. Work that shit.

All right. - Mmm. Delicious. Mmm.

I frickin' love hot dogs.

And when it comes to hot dogs,

nobody does it better than Portillo's.

I went to culinary school in Chicago.

I lived in the city

and worked right next to Portillo's for 3 1/2 years.

It's just delicious food.

- I have 27 first cousins from the Chicagoland area.

We'd drive from Seattle all the way to Chicago,

so it was a magical place.

And so, like, getting Portillo's was a religion.

It has to be quality ingredients.

That's why Portillo's, they have not skimped at all.

And they're a national chain.

- What's the most crucial part of the hot dog for you, though?

The poppyseed bun is very important.

The key is everything. The tomatoes are key.

The whole pickle is key. The relish is key.

So it's a simple, but beautiful thing.

I think it's delicious.

I feel like everything on top of it

is all the acid.

Like, there's nothing sweet about it. There's like--

Have you ever dropped acid, Kristen?

No comment.

I was in college once. - She took acid.

Hi, Mom.

Basically, what we're going to do is try and copycat

this Protrollo Chicago-style hot dog?

It's Portillo's. - All right.

I'm sorry to make you keep doing this.

- It's okay. Um, basically, what we're going to do is

we're going to try to copycat this exact dog.

Then we're going to remix it

and try to twist up these flavors,

and make it into a different dish.

There is this coveted

Chompionship trophy on the line.

Here is is.

Coated in a thick sheet

of 100% authentic golden spray paint,

it's the Chompionship trophy.

- Also, for the losing chefs, there is a consequence.

I know what the consequence is.

Oh,. - Oh, man.

Uh, "dogs on the go." -

Looks like a clue for today's consequence.

We have the Joel to feed, so I think we need to--

- Well, I'm full, so I'm fine. - Well, you got four hours.

- We're gonna cook anyway. - We need four hours.

All right, guys. I'm bringing this.

All right.

The hot dog is so intimidating

because there's so much that goes into just

the hot dog alone with all these spices.

Put oregano.

There's all this fat-to-meat ratio,

and it has to be whipped at a certain speed

so it doesn't get too warm.

I found where they have whiskey.

God, I love you. And I love whiskey.

Are you going to have some of this, uh, Kristen?

Yes, please.

It's funny how I said I wasn't going to drink on this show,

but all it took was two seconds to realize

that you do need to drink on this show.

You pour a good drink. - Look at that.

Wow. That's how they do it. -

Cheers, guys.

Ah! - Hoo.

What the are you doing?

I'm making hot dogs, Joel. Making hot dogs.

I'm just really excited to have Joel McHale here.

It's absolutely literally a dream come true.

The guy's hilarious.

So it's really an inspiration

to knock this dog out of the park.

That spice in the hot dog has a lot of different nuances

with the hot dog spice. - Oh, I'm allergic to spice.

Yeah, your complexion says

you probably don't do a lot of seasoning.

I'm very diverse.

I'm Norwegian and Irish.

What kind of meat is that? - Uh, brisket and beef.

I need help. -Okay.

What do you need help doing?

You don't want, like, chunks of fat, right?

You want it nice and smooth and emulsified.

So if I had, like, six hours,

like you should normally have to make a hot dog--

You would just sit here for six hours

trying to pick all this fat out?

Yep. Does it smell like a hot dog?

Yes. - Yeah.

What makes it smell like a hot dog?

Nutmeg is, like, the key ingredient.

This is the greatest--

Shh. And was there, like--

was there, like, a lot of nutmeg

in Chicago at the time?

Oh, my gosh. Somebody wants attention.

Justin, are you just gonna sit here and only make the meat

and not the relish?

No, I got my relish working right here, brother.

I really need to nail this relish.

Uh, it's bright green.

I think it's signature on Portillo's dogs.

I am making relish from scratch.

Oh, right here. - Fresh cucumber, fresh onion.

Reduce it down in cider vinegar.

Is that just food coloring?

Here, put a couple of drops in here for me.

- They just make it extra green by using food coloring.

Do dolphins--is that too much? - Holy, that's a lot!

Yep. - All right, let me just...

Is it not to be drunk? -

Kristen, what am I supposed to do about this?

What? - Huh?

He's greening from the mouth. - Oh, my God.

It's fine, right?

It looks like I blew a leprechaun.