Our Flag Means Death

Izzy, wait!

I've never repaid you.

Repaid me for what?

- (KNIFE SLICES) - (IZZY GROANS)

For selling us out to the English.

- (IZZY GROANS) - (BODY THUDS)

I never made you leave him.

You did that yourself.

- (STEDE YELLS) - (IZZY GROANS)

Where is he? Where's Ed?

You... absolute...

twat.

MAN (SHOUTS): Stede!

Ed!

Stede!

Ed!

("I LOVE MY BABY" BY NINA SIMONE PLAYING)

- Ed! - (BOTH GRUNT)

Knew you'd find me, babe.

You're not mad?

I knew you'd find me, love.

So, we're good... about everything?

Fuckin' love the beard, mate.

I'm just trying something new.

- (FLATULENCE) - Ooh, bro. Is that you?

- No! Oh, God! No! - (FLATULENCE CONTINUES)

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

- (FLIES BUZZING) - Oh, Christ! Wee John!

- Can you shut it, man? He farted on me.

- (ALL SHOUTING) - Shut up!

- Shut up, man. - Enough.

I-It's still there. It's a wall of stench.

Can't be worse than you moaning,

- "Ed, oh, Ed" all night long. Mm-hmm.

Shut up.

- (FLATULENCE) - Oh, he's done it again!

- Oh, God! - (INDISTINCT YELLING)

- Shut it, man. Shh!

You're making more noise with your shushing

than I am with my complaining

about almost dying from his farts!

- (SHUSHING) - (RAT SQUEAKS)

"Dear Ed, the crew and I are safe,

"and thriving.

"As I've renounced my wealth,

"we've been forced to take up temporary residence

"on the Republic of Pirates.

"Fortunately, we've been able to work

a few of Oluwande's connections."

Basically, the long and short of it is

w-we're looking for work, and...

maybe, maybe a place to sleep?

Isn't that the dude who broke my nose jar?

Um... yes. Hi.

- Again, apologies for that. - Who's Blondie?

- (WHISPERS) Oh, it's you. That's, that's The Swede.

I'm The Swede.

He's single.

Come on over here, baby. Don't be shy. Come here.

Go. - It's okay.

Be brave.

Turn around for me.

Okay.

Aren't you the absolute unit?

You guys can sleep in the cellar.

- Start work in 20 minutes. - (THE SWEDE GASPS)

- (PIRATES CHEER) - Yes!

- Okay. No, no, no, no, no.

Not you. Not you.

- (TAPS CHAIR) - Have a seat.

- (SPANISH JACKIE CHUCKLES) - (WHISPERS) Okay.

See ya, mate. Thanks, Swede.

Scooch a little closer. Huh?

Spanish Jackie don't bite. (CHUCKLES)

I lied. I bite.

- (PATRON 1 SCREAMS) - (PATRON 2 LAUGHS)

Okay. Time to go.

Good evening. Welcome to Spanish Jackie's.

- Reservation? - Eat my fuckin' shit.

Right. Walk-ins, then.

I've got a peach of a table for you. Follow me.

- My favorite hand! - He started it.

I told you about the stabbings.

"Guess you could say

"we're in a bit of a rebuilding phase

as a crew."

Order up! This is for Mom!

- (GLASS BREAKS) - Jesus! Nice... Real mature.

"We've really come into our own..."

Here ya go.

"...as a team."

How's that?

- Fuck you. - Lovely.

Oh, sounding good, Buttons.

May we go back to the sea now, Captain?

Soon! We still need to save more cash.

"Morale is the highest it's ever been.

It's a golden age."

Hit me with something hard, Olu. Please.

Drinks aren't on the house. You know that, right?

Oh, come on, please.

I'm happy to buy you a drink.

Oh, well, thank you.

Uh, Richard Banes.

M-My friends, they call me Ricky.

You're Stede Bonnet, aren't you?

I'm afraid I have no idea what you're saying,

or who he is.

Ooh, I've been called away. Excuse me.

"To reiterate, we're doing great.

"Hope you are as well.

I think of you... often."

We're approachin' the vessel, Captain.

"Hope you're thinking of me...

- (BLACKBEARD SIGHS) - ...as well."

'Bout fuckin' time we got to that ship.

It's taken forever.

"I know the odds of this finding you are slim."

I will find you, Ed.

"But so were the odds of us finding each other in the first place."

The natural condition of humanity is base and vile.

It is the obligation of people of standing, such as yourselves,

to elevate the common human rabble

through the sacred transaction of matrimony.

If anyone objects to this union,

speak now or forever hold your peace.

Objection. - (GUESTS GASP)

- (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) - What demon is this?

Demon?

I'm the fuckin' Devil.

("STRAWBERRY LETTER 23" BY SHUGGIE OTIS PLAYING)

And these are the kids.

Guards!

Is it just me or was the wedding thing a bit over the line?

Um, (SIGHS) I don't know.

I've never really been to a wedding before,

so (CHUCKLES) got nothing to compare it to, really.

I've never seen Blackbeard like this.

He didn't even bat a eye when Ivan got killed.

Cake's bang on though, right?

Fabulous. Very good.

Ya know, in my opinion.

I mean, buttercream isn't everyone's

thing though, is it?

How are you handling all this so well?

Ah... Well, see, I have a system

for dealing with all the terrible things I've seen.

There's a box in my mind,

and I put the things in the box, I lock the box.

And then I don't open it again.

Works like a charm.

- (FANG SOBBING) Oh.

Dear, oh, dear.

You gonna, you gonna finish that cake?

- No? - (SOBBING)

- (BIRDS CAWING) - (GOATS BLEATING)

They may as well draw horns on his head.

He can't possibly look like this.

He's been busy, though, ain't he?

Oof! I've never seen one of these

- with writin' on the back. - Oh, he's just blowing off some steam.

Susan! Two soups, please.

Hey, Suze.

Look, Captain, you know we're never gonna save enough

to get the kinda ship you're after.

Well, not with that attitude, we won't.

Sue, if you thought that way,

would you have this wonderful soup kiosk?

Yeah, I probably would.

Sue had tenacity and grit.

I also killed someone and stole their kiosk.

Sometimes action is better than vision.

See, that's what I've been tellin' him.

- That's 'cause you're the smart one. - (STEDE SIGHS)

- Oh. - Well, we can't turn up with any old ship.

We need to look good.

Are you stalling 'cause you think

Blackbeard's gonna murder you?