Akane-banashi (あかね噺)

What I really loved the most…

was watching Dad's stories from here.

FIRST STORY THAT DAY

KAMINARIMON

So then the landlord came over and said, "Look, I'm taking your toolbox."

I'm thinking, "Oh, the landlord's gonna work as a carpenter?"

So I say, "Here you go!", and I lent it to him.

As if he could do carpentry at his…

SHINTA ARAKAWA

He must be senile.

No, you're the senile one!

You… Wait, are you telling me that…

Stiff! You sound so stiff, Shin-chan!

I do?

That's right. Too much pressure on yourself.

Oh. You think so?

You've got that test coming up,

and your little girl is getting bigger.

So I don't blame you for tensing up, but…

You need to be more… smooth as silk, then boom!

Give it your all, okay?

Thank you very much.

You think highly of him, don't you?

If you ask me, he's pretty bland, and his style doesn't really do it for me.

Well, I admit he was rather sub-par today.

Then why?

Well, I once saw him deliver a brilliant performance.

He's not the kind of man who should be languishing in a place like this.

MITSUE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

It's Akane's…

MITSUE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

COUNSELING ROOM

Hey! How can you say that?

- How dare you… - Gimme a break. I just told you…

Don't talk to me like that!

Oh, can't you see

- how hard my son's crying? - Mrs. Ozaki,

- please, your voice… - Don't you feel sorry for him?

I can't believe children these days.

You haven't heard a word I've said.

Fine. Then I'll show you, so please watch.

Show us?

So, it all started during fifth period, in Japanese class.

We were reading aloud our essays on "The Person I Respect," one by one.

The Person I Respect.

Grade 5, Class 3. Akane Osaki.

The person I respect is my dad.

Dad is a Rakugoka, and he tells the funniest stories ever.

Respect? Huh, that's crazy.

I heard from my mom, you know. She says your dad's a kept man.

And you respect him?

Kept man? What's that?

You don't even know what that is?

- It's a deadbeat dad - Oh, crap!

who doesn't even work,. Got that?

Amazing.

I mean, that's exactly how it happened.

But that doesn't mean she can make him cry!

You've been making him the victim, but he's the one who started it.

Don't give me that crap, you demented ha--

Knock it off.

Dad! Wait, why…

Sorry, Mr. Yanagiya.

Akane's always getting into trouble.

My apologies to you, too.

Dad! These jerks are…

These jerks?

Whatever the reason may be, it's wrong to use abusive language.

I know you understand, right, Akane?

It certainly helps that you're a reasonable man.

- That child is truly-- - Mr. Yanagiya told me what happened.

Both mother and son were talking about me in a way.

We should both try to live up to our kids' expectations, yes?

AKANE OSAKI

COUNSELING ROOM

All right, then. Let's get going, Akane.

- Go get your things, okay? - Okay!

Yeah, this is tasty.

Eat up, Akane. Or it'll melt.

I'm sorry.

I only yelled back because I wanted to tell him how great you are.

But I think I just made you feel bad instead.

You dummy.

You're too young to be looking out for my feelings.

Rakugoka are divided into three levels.

The lowest is Zenza, then Futatsume, and finally Shin'uchi.

You're a Futatsume, right, Dad?

I'm impressed you remembered.

There's going to be a test for promotion to Shin'uchi.

And if I pass, I'll get to become a Shin'uchi.

As a Shin'uchi, I can rake in some…

I'll earn lots of money.

And then no one will ever say a word against me!

So don't worry about me like that.

All you need to do is stick to your guns!

All right, I'm gonna rehearse.

You go do your homework, Akane!

- Okay! - Good.

Yeah, right?

I'm going to become a Shin'uchi. I have to.

DON'T BE A KEPT MAN SHIN'UCHI PROMOTION

Or else…

All right. Why don't I start by reviewing today's material?

Hey, Yota! Yotaro! Yota!

Oh, geez.

Must be the curry udon I had for lunch.

Still, how insanely pissed is Mrs. Ozaki? Gross.

Ugh, that Akane and Tohru… They've done it again.

I'm home!

Oh, darn, not again! Curry twice in a day.

Really now, how curry-crazed are we?

Oh well, can't be helped.

Oh, uh… uh… Yota, hey you.

You went in from there?

Y-You, come on, you. Don't try to come in from the front, okay?

Go in from the back, okay?

You sit tight now. Yeah.

I can see.

Uh, excuse me! Hello!

There's no one in the room but Dad.

And yet… inside the room…

There are three people.

Every time he turns his body,

his face, manner of speaking, and his voice all change on a dime.

A spiteful person. An ill-tempered person. A nonchalant person.

All kinds of people appear.

So amazing! It's like magic.

No thanks, damn it!

How does he do it?

O-Old woman! The boss is here!

Hey, there. Your mother is home!

Really, I'm surrounded by Rakugo crazies.

ARAKAWA SCHOOL SHIN'UCHI PROMOTION TEST

Oh, well, what can you do?

It is next week, after all.

Thank you for this meal!

Yummy!

Yeah. It's good! This turned out well, huh?

Good night!

Hey!

Wake up, Tohru!

Come on! Hey!

Weren't you going to rehearse some more?

Or go to bed?

- Rehearse. - Then get to it!

It's late. I'll be going to bed, okay?

JAPAN'S MOUNTAINS

By the way, Tohru, did you read Akane's essay?

Huh? No.

SCIENCE

THE PERSON I RESPECT

SAIWAI HALL TODAY'S EVENT

SAIWAI HALL ARAKAWA SCHOOL

This way to reception!

ARAKAWA SCHOOL SHIN'UCHI PROMOTION TEST

Hey, it's Dad! It's bigger than the one at home!

What, you think so?

It looks the same to me.

Hey, someone's full of energy!

SHIGUMA ARAKAWA

Master Shiguma!

Long time no see, Masaki.

ARAKAWA SCHOOL SHIN'UCHI PROMOTION TEST HALL

It's been a long time.

Thank you for taking care of my husband.

No, no, I haven't done a thing.

Still, time certainly goes by fast.

Hey, Master, where's Dad?

Dummy!

Well, you know.

You should leave him be right now.

The Arakawa School Shin'uchi Promotion Test.

The performances are evaluated by the audience and the jury.

After adding up all the scores,

only those whose skills have been recognized can be promoted to Shin'uchi.

This year, the president of the jury will be my master's elder fellow apprentice…

Thank you for taking the time!

…and the most acclaimed of his day.

Issho Arakawa!

ISSHO ARAKAWA

S-So what if he is?

Just how hard have I worked for this day?

Just carry on as always, and believe in your own art.

But…

If I do mess up…

No!

What am I, an idiot?

I can't surrender to my emotions!

I just have to do it! For me…

there's no other option!

ARAKAWA SCHOOL SHIN'UCHI PROMOTION TEST

Okay, so let's get started.

We will now begin the Arakawa School Shin'uchi Promotion Test!

Our first performer is… this man!

I happen to be the first one up, and my name is Shinta Arakawa.

This is nothing like the typical events.

The air is heavy and cold.

Most of all, the audience's eyes are appraising me.

Well, I do appreciate you all

coming to this tasteless test on such a glorious day.