Crashing

If you get food from a food

truck that isn't good, you go up to complain, and they're, like,

- three blocks away. - Your jokes are funnier now

that they're not my problem.

My boyfriend and I, we just took our relationship to the next

level. We broke up.

- - That was great.

- Did you get your tape? - Oh, uh, no.

I hate this place. It's like a hunted ski lodge.

I think you should take me home.

- -

Definitely, you know, take a minute or two to get your stuff together.

- - Hey.

Do you understand how creepy it is that you're

still in my space?

What was about him?

He's just got this, like, star quality.

Some people are just born with it.

Or maybe they get it later, I don't know.

I don't think so.

Great live comedy show?

- Great live comedy? -

Great live comedy.

Great live show.

Great live show.

Appreciate it. Appreciate it. You got a napkin?

Yeah, of course. You got a lot of napkins.

I'm a napkin guy.

Here you go. - Oh, thank you.

Hey. Lucas Brothers.

- What up? - I'm... I'm a really big fan.

It's really nice... I'm a fan of both of you guys.

Well, it would be kind of weird if you were a just fan of...

one of us.

Yeah, we haven't released any solo records yet.

- - But thanks, man.

- I'm a comic. Well, I'm trying to be. - All right.

They got me actually... I'm handing out flyers

for the comedy club the Boston.

I mean, if you guys wanna go up,

the show's working right now if you wanna pop on.

You wanna go to the Boston?

- No. No, no, no. No.

No. - I... I don't understand.

It... Why?

Here's the thing, man. We don't really perform in places like that.

Places like... what?

Comedy clubs?

- Dude, we don't do clubs. - No. No, we're alt-guys.

You know what I mean? We're alternative comics.

- Alternative clubs. - Yes.

I... Everybody's told me that you gotta get in at the clubs,

gotta get your foot in and... It's rough, but you grind out,

you get a little bit better every day, right? I mean...

I guess, but there's some crowds you don't wanna kill for,

and if you stay in clubs like that, you might become a comic like that.

I mean, I kinda feel like there are comedians

- who called people "fag" in high school... - Mm-hmm.

...then there are comedians who got called "fag."

- That's right. That's right. - And the alt-scene

is for the comedians who got called "fag."

Did you?

Get called "fa..." yeah.

- Yeah. - See?

- On the way here, actually. Of course.

There you go. Say no more.

- We got to... we got to go. - We got a bit, man.

- Okay. - Good luck, man.

I... Really, thank you.

- Hey, Jay. - What's up, buddy?

Um, I was wondering if it's okay, uh,

I thought maybe tomorrow night you'd be okay without me.

- Without you? - Yeah, I just... I...

You mean take the night off?

I wanna take the night off if that's okay.

Off? Yeah, of course. Why not take tomorrow night off?

Sure, of course.

Since we work at Jamba Juice, just have Becky cover your shift.

Pete, this is comedy. You gotta get up every night, man.

No, I'm gonna go to a comedy show.

I'm gonna go. It's just... I'm not... I don't wanna come here.

- Oh. - I... I wanna go to the alt-scene.

- Oh, the alt-scene. - Yeah.

Oh good. Okay. All right. Well, yeah, no, sure.

I mean, if you wanna go watch a pack of nerds

lightly tickle the audience with a feather, suit yourself.

Sorry, I... I just want to do something...

- Have you been to an alt-show? - Have I been?

I've been to a Chinese restaurant

where a show broke out that was alternative to funny,

just five guys in glasses in flannels talking about their journaling.

Have I witnessed that brand of comedy terrorism? Yeah, I've seen that.

No thanks. I don't need to see five brats from Williamsburg

shitting on whatever the hell their parents handed them.

You... Okay, I'm just letting you know, tomorrow night...

- Yeah. - ...someone else can take my corner.

Sure. Absolutely. I'd happily fill your slot.

It'll be waiting for you when you come back in the year 2090

after you're done fake-laughing at Morrissey references

and sipping Pabst Blue Ribbon out of a paper bag,

you fucking wuss!

Do you wanna come? It sounds like you wanna come.

Uh, I found out... I turned 30,

I realized, you know, everything's pretty easy.

There's no... There's no gray areas.

It's all pretty black and white.

Anyways, so...

if you need any advice, just let me know.

Like, for example, I got into the elevator the other day,

I was alone, and so I farted,

which is legal, you know?

But I... I got out at the lobby,

and then someone I knew came into that same elevator car.

Now, that's a tricky situation, 'cause the doors are closing,

buttons are being pushed. I mean, what can you do?

You know, and so then... So what can you do?

You send an email, you know?

"I'm sorry."

"It was me."

- - "My body... my body did that."

So anyway, guys,

I think this was really helpful for you,

and thank you guys so much.

Keep it going for Lizzy, everybody.

Guys, keep it going for Jo!

She popped out her Invisalign for this!

This is a nice, intimate room.

Do you think Abraham Lincoln liked the play he was watching,

or was he like, "Somebody put me out of my misery?"

- -

Uh, I have to say out of all the addresses,

my favorite address is Gettysburg

and my least favorite address is, "Hey, bitches."

- - Don't address me that way!

I thought we were friends.

- -

All right, are we ready for our next act?

- - I am so excited.

Please welcome to the stage

the hilarious Ali Reissen!

- Woo! Thank you.

Lizzy Cooperman, there she is.

Best topknot in Brooklyn.

Fun fact about Lizzy: she studied piano at Juilliard.

She was taught by Cookie Monster.

Do you guys like impressions?

Woo! - Okay, cool.

So, okay, here's my first one.

This is my impression of a

pretentious orphan.

Okay, this is a pretentious orphan.

Do you know who my father is?

Okay, this is my impression of Meryl Streep...

- Sorry. - ...trying to take a compliment.

_

Are you okay?

You seem a little...

Hey, Ali.

- Hey. - Pete.

Yeah. Hang on one sec.

Pete from the other night. Yeah. Hey.

- Great set. - Thank you.

- Killer. - Thank you.

Really. I haven't...

- You owned the room. - Oh, thank you.

- Really funny. - Thanks.

- Still trying to... make a tape? - Yes. Yeah.

Yeah, you know.

It can be hard.

I just... I feel like I'm a lot more natural

when I'm not taping myself.

- Curse of the tape. - Yeah.

- Sorry about the other, uh, other day. - Yes!

- Really glad you said something. - Right?

- Yeah. - If it's any consultation...

- "Lation." - Consolation.

Yeah. "Consultation" is for... hair.

Yeah, yeah, if I could give you a brief consultation...

- Please don't. - Uh, I'm new at all this.

I-I... I know it might have seemed a little creepier

than I intended it.

- Yeah. - I... so, I...

- Are sorry. You're sorry. - I... I are sorry.

- You are sorry. - Toys "R" Us. I are sorry.

- Okay. - And... wow.

Yeah. I'm also sorry. I... We both could've

been our better selves

in that situation, so I'm sorry, too.

I'm also sorry 'cause I truly do have to run right now.

- Oh. - I have a show.

- Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah, so...

- No problem. It was good... - I... Okay. Yeah.

Have...

Unless... Do you wanna come with me to my show?

- Now? - Yeah.

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - To my show?

I would love to come, love to see another show.

All right.

Okay, guys, I gotta go.

- Bye, great to see you. - Very funny.