Jabberjaw

Earthlings, prepare to fight.

The enemy is among us.

Earthlings, prepare to fight.

The enemy is among us.

Brad?

Are you awake yet?

Earthling, prepare to fight.

The enemy is among us.

Hey, you guys, welcome back to my channel.

You may be wondering, what the heck happened to my eye?

Tried to play softball, it didn't go over well.

So today, I'm going to give you a tutorial

of how to cover up a black eye.

First of all, you need to be very tender.

So you're going to need a few different shades of makeup.

So the key here is to...

Morning.

Morning.

My head's killing me.

I hear the dog.

What are you doing?

Just getting ready.

Look, about last night, I'm working on it.

Yeah, I know you are.

I mean it this time.

I know

OK.

Gotta get ready for work.

Thanks for the tip, AndyAnaconda95.

Love you.

Soulmate_86, you want to see these feet?

You know what to do.

Don't forget, ladies and gents, tip menu's in my bio down below.

Oh, sorry, my ringer was supposed to be off.

Oh, actually, it's my bestie.

Please hold.

OK, where should we go?

Wanderland?

What's that?

SoCal, nearby-ish, please.

Gas ain't cheap.

Today, two bad bitches.

$50 a night.

Not bad, but I think we can do better than that.

Ooh, that's more like it.

Looks like we found a winner.

Sold.

There she is.

Open the door.

Mm-mm.

You know the rules.

Cha-cha your chauffeur.

What are we, 10?

Cha-cha for your chauffeur.

Don't touch that dial.

We'll be right back with more of your favorite music.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Drop it low, drop it low.

Normalize giving your friend a performance

when they pick you up.

I hate you.

I love you too.

Thanks for being down to the last minute.

You know me.

Oh, actually, could we book this through my rideshare app.

And then I'll just send you the money back

in exchange for five stars?

You're doing ride shares now?

I'm trying to get my rating up.

Oh, why is your rating so low?

Because some drunk girl puked in my back seat.

Eww.

Well, don't worry, it's actually all clean now.

But I gave her one star, and then she

retaliated with one star and claimed

I was lying about the upchuck.

Bitch.

That's why I got this little dash cam.

It's unequivocal proof should anything like that

ever happen again.

Wait, so you're filming me right now?

Well, it's motion detected, so it's technically always filming.

Oh.

So where are we going?

To the stars.

I'm turning it on silent.

Oh, would you film a little?

Film what?

For BigRichard69.

Who's BigRichard69?

Oh, one of my clients is a little clingy.

He asked that I send some footage of the trip.

That's a little invasive, you know.

I mean, he's paying me handsomely, so happy to do it.

Now get to rolling.

OK.

Wait, that was a picture.

Wait, why am I acting like I've never used a phone before?

OK.

Happy?

You look so cute.

Thanks.

A little bit of nature.

The LA River, folks.

The term river is used rather loosely.

Elevated bacteria levels.

Lovely.

First things first, breakfast burritos and coffee.

God, I'm starving.

OK.

Hey, look.

That's gross.

I must apologize, the old Bluetooth

gave out on me a while back, so we're stuck with the radio.

Come on, give us something good.

Some, like, good road trip tunes.

Like, something with soul, something to get us pumped.

You could have prepared me.

I'm not really dressed for this.

This is barely hiking.

It's more of a scenic walk.

Oh my gosh, I'm going to try not to fall.

Watch your step.

Here we go.

All righty, BigRichard69, we drove out a bit further

and the sun came out, so we had to stop for a little hike.

As you requested, I'm filming everything,

and your girl is about to get a little wet.

Love sharing all your thoughts with the world.

I do not.

OK, socials will say otherwise.

Shall we take a look?

Bitch be calling me out.

Oh, and I still got a little bit of service.

Happy Valentine's Day.

But really, though, all of you in relationships and marriages

and stuff, I hope you're keeping your assets

and your financials and everything separate.

Because, really, though, you never

know what's going to happen.

Be safe out there.

Love you.

Bye.

OK, so people in LA always complain

about how New York smells like hot garbage and pee.

But what I can't understand is how it's so open out here in LA,

and it somehow still smells like pee.

Like, that's a little bewildering to me.

ever going on at the Hollywood

Bowl, don't leave your house.

Don't drive anywhere.

Don't do anything.

Stand corrected, bitch.

All right, let's go this way.

There's a waterfall at the end of this trail.

We made it.

Nope, that's just a little bitch version.

Apparently, the gusher is further up there.

Eww.

I do not like that word, gusher.

Yep.

OK, now we made it.

Ready to go for a little swim?

Yeah, but it's cold.

Ah.

Don't splash me.

Eww.

You're right, it's freezing.

I'll let my phone take the plunge for us.

Hey, I have a joke.

What can you say in a job interview

that you can also say in bed?

I learned about this position online.

Oh my God, bitch, that's great.

I was going to say, are there any other openings

that I can fill?

OK, BigRichard69, we just stopped for a potty break.

Hey, Bradley.

I'm taking care of your girl for you.

Jesus, give it back.

I was just playing.

Jesus.

No.

Anyway, like I was saying, we stopped for a potty break.

But as we've discussed at length,

pee is not one of my many kinks, and your girl's gotta

have boundaries.

It's just for a few days.

It's not a big deal.

No.

Yes.

Soon.

Please don't be mad.

What was that about?

What?

That phone call.

You didn't tell Bradley about the trip?

Why not?

I... I don't want to talk about it.

OK, well I do, bitch.