The Great Indian Kapil Show (द ग्रेट इंडियन कपिल शो)

Roll, boys!

Check the sound.

Okay, ready? Roll and...

Five, six, seven, eight! Dance!

Hey, do it properly! What are you doing?

Come on, Papaji! Energy!

Come on!

Papaji, energy! Full energy!

What is Kapil doing here?

You aren't thinking about dancing, are you?

No, not at all.

Kapil, don't think about dancing at all.

People laugh at your jokes.

I hope they don't start laughing at your dancing skills.

So, I can't try anything new?

-Don't try anything at all. -Not at all.

I can try new things. I'm a versatile actor.

Starting today, I'll be hosting your show.

Then I will be the judge. I've always been eyeing Archana's chair.

Hello! Namaste!

Sat Sri Akal!

Adab!

Welcome to The Great Indian Anil Kapoor Show!

Clap for me!

Listen. Find yourselves good seats and be seated among the audience, please.

-Me too? -Yes, please.

You stay there!

-Papaji... -I have brought a judge along.

Our judge is... Papaji!

-No! No! No! -Applaud her!

Hello! Farah is my best friend. She will never take my seat.

Archana, I wouldn't have claimed your seat

if you hadn't already taken it from someone else!

Now, she will audition for Archana ji's post.

We'll have to see who among Archana ji and Papaji is better, okay?

-Yes. -So, here's my dialogue.

I agree that you like...

I agree that you like...

Hey, she is amazing! This is superb!

-Papaji, too good! Too good! -Wow! Wow!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Farah, you're a successful film director. Just do that!

See! When someone challenges her position,

-she perceives others as successful. -Correct.

-Otherwise, she overlooks everything. -Archana, I will cook food for you.

No, I'm fine with diet food.

Archana, I will make a movie for you. Papaji, I will make a biopic for her.

A biopic! That will be a first for Farah. She has never made a biopic.

For the first time, she's going to make a biopic.

But Archana can act in only one person's biopic.

-Who is it? -Archana Puran Singh in and as...

Raza Murad.

I thought you were my friend!

Archana, I will get you a crime series on Netflix.

How to Murder Your Husband and Get Away With It.

This is good!

No! For me, forever and ever...

The Kapil Show! The Kapil Show! The Kapil Show!

Right?

Even those who engage in protests don't sit for so long!

She won't budge, Anil sir. Let's carry on with our work.

A big round of applause for Anil sir and Farah ma'am!

I wonder what kind of elixir both of them have been drinking.

-Really. -They're aging in reverse.

We always compliment Anil sir on his fitness.

All of you have watched Animal, right?

Yes!

Both Anil sir and Ranbir Kapoor were shot in the movie.

While Ranbir was recovering, he got a paunch. But he never did!

Why didn't you get a paunch, Papaji?

Now, in the movie Masoom 2, he's going to play Jugal Hansraj's role.

-Really? -Yes.

And in Hey Baby 2, he will play the role of the baby.

He is aging in reverse.

They want you to play another role.

In Badhaai Ho, you will be in Neena Gupta ji's womb.

Let me tell you that Anil sir has shared great chemistry with all his heroines,

be it Madhuri Dixit ji, Juhi Chawla ji or Rani Mukerji.

We presented him with all the options

and asked which heroine he'd prefer to accompany here.

He said, "I won't accompany a heroine. I want to accompany a man."

-A jibe at me. -No!

After he said that, we tried to rope in Jackie Shroff sahab,

but he wasn't available.

Then he said, "Farah is my best friend."

-How did you choose Farah ma'am? -So, you found neither a man nor a woman.

That's why you brought me here!

Let me tell you something about Farah ma'am.

She hasn't choreographed many songs for Anil sir,

but in the songs like "Dhol Bajne Laga" and "Ek Ladki Ko Dekha Toh Aisa Laga,"

the heroines have danced more.

Anil sir has made small appearances in them.

Did he take advantage of your friendship?

-Did he tell you... -No.

..."Have the heroine dance, and I'll make my entrance during the kissing scene."

No, I have also done dance numbers with Papaji.

-Okay. -But after seeing him dance,

I thought my career would end.

So, I...

1942: A Love Story.

-During the shoot of that movie... -We met for the first time.

-...he was a huge star, and I... -What do you mean I was?

-Am I not a star anymore? -No, I mean...

Well, he has always been a huge star.

Earlier, I was a huge star. Now, I am humongous.

-Oh, my God! -Even bigger than that!

-But now, he has got an iconic dance... -Step.

-I mean his style is iconic. -Yes.

But the movies that we were doing were very natural and realistic.

The type of films people are attempting to make nowadays but failing at.

Papaji, they have been trying to recreate it for a long time.

Right.

We have to praise him every minute. Remember that.

-Yes. -After every minute,

the topic has to circle back to Papaji.

If you don't praise him every minute, he'll pull out a mirror and say,

"Wow! I look so good!"

Okay, tell me something. I have noticed that

Farah ma'am always addresses Anil sir as "Papaji".

-It's not in the fatherly context. -Yes.

While we were working on 1942: A Love Story,

-Vinod Chopra ji was there. -Yes.

-Everything that he did was... -Here's the thing.

Whenever he'd do something, we'd say,

-"Papaji, you are great!" -"You are great!"

-"Papaji, you're great! The only one!" -"Papaji, you're the only one!"

-Then it became our code word. -Every morning, we'd go there and say,

-"Papaji, bless me!" -"Papaji!"

Since then, whenever we meet, we refer to each other as "Papaji."

At that time, I used to be slim and sexy.

-You still are, Farah. -You still are!

That's precisely why I said that!

So, Papaji would always... You know, I used to wear short skirts to the shoot.

What was your dialogue, Papaji?

"You got fine legs. What are you doing this evening?"

Is there any change in his compliments now?

No, he still asks me what I'm doing in the evening.

-Not in the evening... -I say, "I'm tutoring my triplets."

"I'm sending them to tuition classes." That's how I respond.

Nowadays, we just talk about our kids.

And every day, early in the morning, we have a 15-minute bitch fest.

-Oh! -Yes, that means we praise everyone.

-Gossip! -After those 15 minutes,

-Papaji turns into a saint. -A saint.

And then, he starts praising everyone.

That makes me feel like I'm the bad one

who keeps bitching about everyone while he's always praising them.

Sometimes, we don't mean anything bad against anybody.

But in an attempt to be humorous,

-the press perceives it differently... -Do you have a pooja ki thali?

-...so things become bitter. -It creates rifts.

It makes relationships and friendships sour.

Thank you so much.

-Someone please get a pooja ki thali. -Does anyone have incense sticks?

I feel that until you can make fun of yourself...

You have no right to laugh at others.

Again...

Both of them know how to name a relationship.

Now, I want to ask you about a few relationships.

You have to tell me who suits it best in this industry.

It's Netflix. You can speak openly here.

All of you know that there's a fufa at every wedding,

who harbors anger towards something or someone in particular.

Who do you think is that fufa in the industry?

-We thought of someone's name. -Yes.

-Then I said... -Then Papaji transformed into a saint.

He insisted that we refrain from mentioning that name.

We just wanted a name.

Come to my van later. I'll tell you in private.

There is always an unmarried sister of the bride,

who captivates everyone's attention.

Who is that person in the industry?

Malaika?

Well, it's true that everyone is crazy about her.

-Indeed. -I'm afraid of who might beat me up.

You mentioned Nora Fatehi earlier. Never mind.

Papaji!

You have known each other for many years.

Between the two of you, who do you think is more tightfisted?

No, Papaji is very...

-We are very generous. Not at all. -Anil is not at all tightfisted.

I can tell you who the most stingy person in the industry is.

Who?

There is only one person. Chunky Panday.

Yes, he is...

I swear. Fetch my phone. I'll ring him up and ask for 500 rupees.

-He won't give it. -Bring her phone here.

-Turn on the speaker, ma'am. -I'll turn on the speaker.

How much do I ask for? Tell me.

Chunky!

-Hi. -Hi, it's Farah.

-Farah? Hi... -Chunky, listen. I need 500 rupees.

So, go to the ATM.

Chunky, at least give me 50 rupees.

Hello? Who do you want to talk to?

God!

-Hello, Chunky! Hello, Chunky? -Chunky, it's Papaji. Anil.

-Hello, Chunky. Chunky... -Yes, who is it?

He doesn't want money, Chunky. He's Anil Kapoor.

He doesn't want money.