Time Bandits

I landed on my face.

I'm okay. Don't panic, I'm all right.

- Everyone made it? - Oh, yeah.

Yes, good!

Oh, yeah. No, Alto too. Yeah.

I landed on my face. I need my face. It's my stage meat.

Yeah, absolutely. Where are we?

This is the Ice Age, as you can tell by the ice.

It is cold.

It's freezing.

Kevin, are you sure you wanna save your parents

even though there will be times like this when it's freezing?

Yeah.

You loved them, huh? Loved them?

Yeah. I know they probably didn't seem great but they could be sometimes.

And sometimes, like on your birthday,

you could do whatever you wanted.

- Like, they... - Uh...

No, no. Go on.

Well, like, they let me go to Woodhenge.

- Like... - Mm-hmm.

I know that they maybe didn't enjoy it, but they let me go.

Yeah.

It would make you feel like the most important person in the world.

That's great. Is that the end of the story?

I don't want to interrupt. It's just that there's a, uh, uh...

Oh!

Stay very still and it might not see us.

Oh, no. It's going to eat that "rhinokelos."

Stay silent.

Don't attract its attention.

Hey.

You want something to eat, you big toothy slob?

- Bittelig! - Why?

Look over here!

Bittelig, remember my advice from the previous sentence?

I didn't think it through.

I would like to use this opportunity to, uh, apologize for putting you all at risk.

So don't you worry, it is all on me.

Fine, all right. Throw all the stolen treasures at it.

- Really? - Yes, yes.

- - Okay.

I missed.

I missed.

Missed.

That's everything. That's all we've got.

- Already? - I've got these breath mints.

- Should I throw the breath mints? - Yes, yes.

I'm afraid.

- Oh, for the love of... Got it! - Oh.

- Yes! -

Take that!

Is-Is it looking at me?

- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.

Very much so.

Scare it. Scare it. Scare it away.

- Scare it? - Go away!

Become a bigger predator together.

Come on. As a chorus. Away!

- - Away!

Away!

- Away! - It worked!

- Yes! - Yes!

- The power of acting! - Yes! Yes!

- Yeah! -

- Run! Run away! -

There! Behind there, quickly.

Quickly!

Okay. Okay, we'll be okay here.

- -

Mammoth.

Kevin!

Saffron?

Finally found you, Kevin. I finally found you.

- Kevin. - Brother Kevin?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Saffron, how... What... When...

Wha... What are you doing riding a mammoth?

What?

Paleontologists say there's no evidence that people rode mammoths.

Well, tell them paleontologists to do one,

'cause I'm riding a flippin' mammoth. Aren't I?

Kevin, we found your family.

- Help me. Thank you. - That's not... No.

Nice to meet you. We've been searching for you.

- They're not... - You all look alike.

I've been attacked by cavemen.

Oh, it's not... It's-It's his family.

- Sorry. How offensive. - Flippin' hell.

Who have you got yourself involved with?

Except, this is my little sister.

- You have a sister? - Oh, the annoying one?

- Hey! - I never said that.

I-I never said that.

No, I mean, is the annoying one your sister?

You're coming at me?

- No, I'm not. - Coming at her?

- Coming at her? - No, I'm not.

- You having a go, mate? - Stop it. I'm not.

- No. - Widgit.

- What? They started it. - Yeah, just give up.

Yeah. Listen to your mate.

- Give up! - Give up, mate.

- Go on, give it up. - Give up, mate.

- - Oh, Kevin?

- He fainted. - He's all right.

Whoa.

You're back, Bruv?

Yeah.

Right, introductions.

So this is Faza and Howler.

They basically, like, looked after me.

Basically been my cave parents.

Hey, ya.

- And that's Tooth Tooth and Meatgirl. -

You wanna introduce me to all these randoms you're with?

I'm not bothered.

They call themselves the Time Bandits.

More like Time Randos.

- Hello? - Yeah, hi.

Oh, this girl.

How'd you get here?

Mammoth.

Duh, Kevin.

- What a muppet. - What a muppet.

Meatgirl, Tooth Tooth, shut up. That's me brother.

Soz. LOL.

I mean, back in time.

Went through your magical bedroom or whatever.

And then I asked people, "Have you seen this nerd?" And they were like,

"Yeah, he went that way with a bunch of weirdos." Meaning all you, obvs.

- Oh, no. -

It is the hairy rhino. It's broken its leg.

- Oh. - Can't we help him?

Uh, okay, but we can't keep it. No pets. Too big.

I call them rhinos unicorns.

But it's not a unicorn though, is it? It's got two horns.

Well, it's a flippin' "twonicorn" then.

No, it's not.

- Yes, it is. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. - No, it's not. No, it's not.

This is where I've been living. Be normal.

You're all right, Bizza?

How's it going, Iggy? Sheena?

Saff.

Wait here, Mambo 2. Stay.

I don't... I don't know how to... Saff.

- -

Loudest Voice, how's your counting going?

One, two, three!

Nailin' it, mate.

Uh, hey, Grunt.

Me brother.

- Hello, "Grant." -

No. Grunt. 'Cause that's how he says hello.

Oh.

- -

Is that how Neanderthals greet people?

It's how 13-year-olds greet people.

Racist.

- -

How do you know all this stuff?

How can you talk to them without a translator?

How did you learn to ride a mammoth?

And throw spears?

And why does everyone speak like you?

I learned. And I taught them things.

But you haven't been here long enough.

- I've been here ages, Kev. - Huh?

I've been here nearly three years.

What?

Thirty-two months I've been here. I marked every day.

Traced me hand.

That's great, Loudest Voice.

Yeah.

What are these little red circles for?

Oh, those are my birthdays.

I missed your birthdays?

It's all right.

Oh, my gosh.

That means I'm older than you now.

Saff, I have to tell you something.

I'm the oldest.

That means I can tell you to shut up when I want.

You already used to every day.

It means I'm in charge when Mum and Dad aren't here.

Saff, Mum and Dad...

I'm taller than you.

- Saff... - Let me have this moment, Kevin!

- All right. - I'm the oldest. I'm the biggest.

I'm the oldest and I'm the best.

- -

You know, you could've pulled this by yourself.

Penelope, I couldn't see 'cause I had frozen tears in my eyes.