Georgie & Mandy's First Marriage

-Hey, Mom. -Oh darn, you just missed Bible study.

Whew, close one.

Well, I'm not gonna hassle you,

but only because you're dropping off my granddaughter.

Oh, gettin' me out of stuff. I wish I'd had you in high school.

You did.

Here's the rest of the dishes.

Hi, Georgie.

What are you doin' here?

Oh, your mom invited me to Bible study. And who is this little cutie, huh?

This is CeeCee. Can you say hi to Mr. Fagenbacher?

And then say bye to Mr. Fagenbacher 'cause he's leaving.

Don't be rude.

It's okay, I'm going.

Okay. Well, I hope to see you at church on Sunday?

I'll be there.

What the hell, Mom?

-Language. -I cleaned it up.

It's not the "what the" I wanted to say.

It was Bible study. God does not turn anyone away.

God don't, but you can.

I know that in the past Fred has been a real... monkey butt,

but he has been coming to church and I think he wants to change.

People don't change. Once a monkey butt, always a monkey butt.

Really? Because you were a wild teenager and now you are a responsible father.

Don't use me against me!

Fred is finding God and that is a good thing.

God is everywhere, he can find Him at someone else's mom's house!

-Have you heard from Connor? -No.

-Huh. I thought he would've checked in. -I thought so too.

Sleeping in a van full of girls. Can't imagine why he hasn't called his mother.

Fill your mouth with food.

Hey. How's your mom?

-You wouldn't believe it. -What's going on?

Fagenbacher was at her house for Bible study.

You're kidding.

Bible study? Who's buying that?

He's just doin' this to piss me off.

Clearly. Why else would he spend time with that woman?

Hey, that's my mom!

Come on, Audrey, she's a single, attractive lady.

Hey, that's my mom!

Who doesn't drink, dance, or have fun of any kind.

Hey, that's-- Actually, good point. Thank you.

Please come to bed.

I'm upset. I do push-ups when I'm upset.

Do you wanna talk about it?

-I can talk and do push-ups. -All right.

Goin' after my mom to get me. That's low.

And she was just buying everything he was selling.

Okay, yep, maybe we just talk.

You should've seen him.

Helpin' with the dishes, sayin' how cute CeeCee is.

Jerk.

You don't actually think your mom would date him, do you?

Of course not. She's too smart for that.

Well then what are you worried about?

That she ain't that smart and she's gonna date him.

Come on, he can't keep up this nice guy act for long.

You're right.

Although I did pretend to be nice for a whole year to win homecoming queen.

You're kiddin'!

You don't get the tiara without getting your hands dirty.

What?

Just thinking about Mary and Fred. So ridiculous.

Yeah.

I mean, can you imagine?

Why would I imagine it?

Exactly. It's impossible to imagine.

Mary is not his type.

What's his type? You?

Of course not. That was high school.

Then why are we still talking about it?

Oh, I'm sorry. I can't talk about Connor, I can't talk about Fred.

Is there anything else I can't bring up in front of you?

Now that you mention it,

I don't love you talking about all them fun things you're gonna do after I die.

I don't do that.

See plays on Broadway, go to Paris,

get a Pomeranian.

We could do all those things right now.

Over my dead body.

Bingo.

-Hey, can I ask you a question? -Sure.

Does your grandma ever go on dates with guys?

She's a grandma. Grandmas don't date. What's wrong with you?

My meemaw's a grandma, you do not wanna walk in her bedroom without knocking.

Be right with you.

Take your time.

-What's he doing here? -Don't care, I don't wanna talk to him.

-Somebody's gotta talk to him. -Fine, you do it.

Y'all need to work on your whispering.

-What do you want? -I'm just here to clear the air.

Stay away from my mom. There, the air is cleared.

I have nothing but respect for your mother.

Oh, give it a rest. You're just trying to get to me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Can you catch me up here?

-This guy's been sniffing around my mom. -I'm caught up. Continue.

Georgie, me goin' to church has nothing to do with you.

I'm supposed to believe that?

I guess maybe I wouldn't if I was in your shoes,

but I'm tryin' to be a better man and Bible study's helping.

Oh, please, I've been to Bible study. Other than the cookies, it's the worst.

Well, maybe you should give it another shot. I'm sure Mary'd love to have you.

Don't call her Mary, it's Mrs. Cooper.

And hang around all you want, she's never gonna fall for you.

Well, no offense, son, but that's up to Mrs. Cooper.

-You let him have the last word! -I'm not happy about it either.

Come in!

Hey. CeeCee ready to go?

-Missy took her to the park. -Aw, that's sweet.

I was hopin' that spendin' the day with a toddler

might be a good form of birth control.

-Can I get you something to drink? -Oh, no, I got it.

So, what's new?

And by that I mean what the hell's going on with you and Fagenbacher.

There is no me and Fagenbacher. Georgie is being ridiculous.

I know. I told him you'd never be interested in a guy like that.

Well, as a Christian

I am interested in helpin' anyone who is looking for God's love.

Are you sure it's God's love he's looking for?

Mandy.

Are you into bad boys? Is that what's going on here?

No.

You know my mom and him used to be involved.

He told me.

And by "involved" I do mean sex stuff.

I know what it means.

Well, you say things like monkey butt, I wasn't sure.

I can take care of myself.

Of course. I just... I think Fred might be using you.

Why? Because I am some poor, gullible church lady

who's too naive to know when she's being fooled?

Well, I wasn't gonna put it that way, but since you did, let's go with it.

I am a grown woman, I have raised three children,

and I have buried my husband, I know a lot more about life than you do!

You're right.

And who I choose to spend my time with is nobody's business but my own.

I know, it's just that Georgie and I-

I'm sorry, did either of you ask how I felt when you two got involved?

And by "involved" I mean sex stuff.

-What are you doin'? -Making sure the phone's working.

-He's fine, Audrey. -Then why hasn't he called?

When prisoners break out, they don't call the warden.

Son of a bitch! Damn it!

Hey, y'all.

What was that about?

Sorry. I was just trying to get my feelings out so I don't bring y'all down.

Thank you, we are having a great time.

-What's going on? -Fagenbacher came by the store.

To gloat?

No, to tell me how much he respects my mom.

Ugh.

Please stop being on my side.

I wish there was some way I could prove to her what a dirtbag he is.

Well, what are you gonna do? Follow him and wait till he does something sleazy?

He's a regular at Nate's. Always there slobbering over some girl.

Well, great. W-We'll catch him in the act.

He knows you, he's not gonna do anything if you're there.