Grumpier Old Men

MORON.

PUTZ, WHERE ARE THEY BITING?

POP SAYS HE SPOTTED CATFISH HUNTER

DOWN AT INDIAN SLOUGH.

CATFISH HUNTER?

MAYBE THIS IS THE YEAR WE CATCH HIM.

WHERE DO YOU GET THAT "WE" CRAP?

YOU GOT A MOUSE IN YOUR POCKET?

THAT FISH BELONGS TO ME.

I'LL LET YOU VISIT HIM WHEN HE'S MOUNTED ON MY WALL.

HONEY? YOU FORGOT YOUR THERMOS.

HI, ARIEL.

HI!

THAT'S MY FISH!

YOU SON OF A...

TALK ABOUT HIM, JOEY!

OH, THAT'S IT.

COME ON. JUST ONE GOOD BITE.

YES! AND I GOT YOU!

OH, YEAH!

OH, YES!

OH, NO.

OH, DAMN.

Radio: HERE COMES ANOTHER MAN AROUND THIRD.

HE WILL BE HELD UP.

CASTALDO WITH A DOUBLE...

HEY!

HEY, DICKHEAD!

TURN THAT RADIO DOWN!

YOU'RE SCARING ALL THE FISH AWAY.

Radio: HE PLAYED IN THE TWIN CITIES

FOR THE MINNEAPOLIS MILLERS BEFORE GOING TO BOSTON.

WE'LL HAVE ANOTHER LOOK.

TURN THE DAMN RADIO DOWN, WILL YOU?

Radio: WENT OUT AND GOT IT--

WHO PUT A BUG UP YOUR ASS?

I SAW HIM.

CATFISH HUNTER?

RIGHT AFTER I DROPPED ANCHOR,

HE STUCK HIS HEAD UP OVER BY THAT LOG.

HE JUST LOOKED AT ME, SMILED,

AND SWAM DOWN INTO THE MUD.

HE SMILED?

YEAH.

WHEW!

HOLEY MOLEY. HOW BIG IS HE THIS YEAR?

HE'S THE SIZE OF A GODDAMN BUICK,

AND I WOULD HAVE HAD HIM CAUGHT IF YOU HADN'T SHOWN UP.

YOU COULDN'T CATCH CRABS FROM A $10 HOOKER.

HOW IS YOUR SISTER BY THE WAY?

HA HA HA!

OH, HO! HEE! HA!

I SAW SVEN DOWN AT THE DAM.

HE SAYS THERE'S A RUMOR GOING AROUND THAT RICK RAGETTI'S COUSIN

IS COMING DOWN FROM ST. PAUL TO BUY CHUCK'S BAIT.

OH, AN ITALIAN RUNNING CHUCK'S, HUH?

YEAH. WE'LL HAVE THE FIRST MOB-RUN BAIT SHOP IN WABASHA.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

I WAS HERE FIRST.

I GOT JUST AS MUCH RIGHT TO BE HERE AS YOU DO.

YOU GOT BAD LUCK.

I DON'T WANT YOU INFECTING MY SPOT.

Radio: HITTING .368...

FIND YOUR OWN DAMN FISHING HOLE!

HOLEY MOLEY, YOU GOT A FART IN YOUR BRAIN?

AND TURN THAT DOWN!

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

NOT FAR.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH THAT GUY?

HE'S GETTING GOOFIER EVERY YEAR.

YOU DON'T HAVE THE BALLS TO TAKE ME ON ANYMORE!

ARIEL'S HAD YOU NEUTERED!

COME ON! LET'S SEE WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF, YOU--

AAH!

LET THAT BE A LESSON TO YOU!

YOU PUTZ!

ALL RIGHT, YOU CHICKEN-LIVERED SCHMEAR!

AAH!

GET OUT OF HERE!

Woman: ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL?

HMM? OH.

THE LAVA LAMP?

HA HA!

THE ANGEL.

ARIEL SAYS HE WATCHES OVER THE HOUSE.

YEAH, WELL, DON'T GET TOO USED TO HIM.

OUR HOUSE WILL BE READY SOON,

AND THEN WE'RE OUT OF HERE.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN UP?

FOR A WHILE.

YEAH?

MM-HMM.

WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?

WATCHING YOU.

WHAT?

HA HA!

I'M UP!

YES! YOU ARE.

MORNING, HONEY.

WHY DON'T YOU GO DOWNSTAIRS?

I'LL BE RIGHT OUT TO MAKE YOU BREAKFAST.

SHE HATES ME.

SHE DOESN'T HATE YOU.

SHE JUST DOESN'T LIKE YOU VERY MUCH.

MM-HMM.

I THOUGHT I'D CHECK OUT

SOME RECEPTION HALLS FOR THE WEDDING TODAY.

OH. UH...

I FORGOT TO TELL YOU, I TALKED TO POP,

AND HE'S ALREADY BOOKED A PLACE.

HE DID? YEAH.

THAT'S GREAT! DID HE GET THE RADISSON IN LA CROSSE?

OH, NO.

THE PEPIN DANCE HALL?

THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT, BUT NO.

THE MAJESTIC BALLROOM.

NOT EVEN CLOSE.

WHAT'S LEFT?

SLIPPERY'S TAVERN.

HA HA HA!

HA HA HA!

YOU'RE SERIOUS.

I KNOW IT'S NOT WHAT WE WANTED.

NO, NO. IT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY DREAM TO HAVE MY WEDDING RECEPTION

IN A BAR WHERE YOU CAN PICK PEANUT SHELLS OFF THE FLOOR.

FIRST OF ALL, IT'S A TAVERN.

IT'S A BAR.

OK. I'LL CALL HIM. HE'LL CANCEL.

WE'LL FIND OUR OWN PLACE.

NO, FORGET IT. ARE YOU SURE?

YEAH. IT WAS MY IDEA TO LET THEM HELP PLAN THE WEDDING.

I GOTTA TELL YOU, IT WAS A GREAT IDEA.

IT'S NICE TO SEE THEM GETTING ALONG FOR A CHANGE.

IT'S AMAZING HOW WELL THEY'RE GETTING ALONG.

AH. HA!

HA?

YOU DIDN'T WIN. I QUIT.

I GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN DICK AROUND WITH YOU ALL DAY.

REALLY? WHAT?

WE GOT A WEDDING TO PLAN, BONEHEAD. REMEMBER?

HOW COULD I FORGET?

SEE YOU LATER, JOHN.

SEE YOU LATER, MAX.

HEY, POP.

SHUSH! HE'S HERE.

WHAT? CATFISH HUNTER?

BY THE SAND BAR.

YOU KNOW THAT DAMN FISH

IS OLDER THAN I AM?

THANKS.

MMM. WHAT THE...

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

WHAT? THAT'S LIGHT BEER.

GEE. I WEIGH 90 GODDAMN POUNDS,

AND YOU BRING ME THIS SLOPPIN' FOAM?

ARIEL'S GOT ME ON A DIET

BECAUSE THE DOC SAID MY CHOLESTEROL'S A LITTLE TOO HIGH.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING NOW, JOHNNY.

LAST THURSDAY, I TURNED 95 YEARS OLD.

YEAH.

AND I NEVER EXERCISED A DAY OF MY LIFE.

EVERY MORNING, I WAKE UP,

AND I SMOKE A CIGARETTE,

AND THEN I EAT 5 STRIPS OF BACON.

AND FOR LUNCH, I EAT A BACON SANDWICH,

AND FOR A MIDDAY SNACK...

BACON?

BACON! A WHOLE DAMN PLATE,

AND I USUALLY DRINK MY DINNER.

NOW, ACCORDING TO ALL OF THEM FLAB-BELLY EXPERTS,

I SHOULD HAVE TOOK A DIRT NAP,

LIKE, 30 YEARS AGO,

BUT EACH YEAR COMES AND GOES,

AND I'M STILL HERE...

HA! AND THEY KEEP DYING.

YOU KNOW?

SOMETIMES I WONDER

IF GOD FORGOT ABOUT ME.

IT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU, HUH?

WHAT?

HUH?