Daughters

Our daddies are our mirrors that we reflect back on

when we decide about what type of man we deserve

and how they see us for the rest of our lives.

I knew that girls needed a way to connect with their fathers.

"Let's have a dance," one girl shouted.

One girl said, "My dad can't come to the dance because he's in jail."

And one girl suggested, "Why don't we just take the dance in the jail?"

"Are you crazy?"

One thing that I have learned from over a decade of working with girls

is that they already know what they need.

The wisdom lives inside of them.

One, two, three,

there's some over there, four, five, six, seven.

I got... I got so many fish.

I don't know what to name them yet, but I know I'mma... I'mma name that,

that gold one, I'mma name it "Goldie."

My cousin taught me my one, two, three, four, five, six time tables,

but she didn't teach me my ten time tables,

and I know all my ten time tables.

I'm the smartest one in my class.

My dad is the third-strongest dad I know.

He's 30. His birthday's coming. My dad's birthday's coming up.

My dad likes rapping, and I'm... and I'm rapping with him too.

He had... He made up... he made a cool song.

"Sure You're Right." Like in the song...

You miss him?

When... when he says he loves me,

I say, I'mma say, "I love him more."

He's coming home in seven more years.

Yeah, I think so too, mama.

First it was nine years,

and then the police took away two, and then it was seven.

So, it wasn't nine or eight years, it was seven.

Mm-hmm.

Seven is a very close number to one,

but it's going to take a long time because it's in years.

I wish it was... I wish my dad was home already.

I know.

Me too.

I miss him too.

Ten times 18 is 180.

Ten times 19 is 190.

I figured out it wasn't six years.

It was probably seven years

'cause when I talked to him, and he said he's coming out in seven years,

I was five still.

He's in D.C. jail.

Let me get under.

Ten times 17 is 170.

Ten times 18 is 180.

Ten times 19 is 190.

...six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Ten! Then comes...

11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16,

17, 18, 19, 20,

21, 22, 23, 24, 25...

Bre has separation anxiety.

They was here when they came and got him.

Thirty men with guns, but she was asleep.

They just, you know, let her sleep while they took him out.

And then she just woke up for school that day, and she was just like, you know,

"Where is Daddy?"

And I just told her that he wasn't here right now.

And later on, I told her where he really is,

but she still have a hard time understanding.

You remember when it was raining so bad?

I remember that. Do you remember that?

Remember when we found the butterfly?

Yeah, you know, the caterpillars grow into a butterfly...

This call is from a federal prison.

- -

Aubrey was like, she had a dream. I'm like, "What was the dream?"

She had a dream that I was in jail.

Every morning I'd take her to school.

One morning I wasn't there to take her to school.

That was the morning I was arrested.

I wish I would have slept with her that night.

You can sit anywhere in the circle.

Part of the reasoning behind us doing this work

is because, for you guys, it's a golden opportunity

to see your children, to interface with them,

to see your daughters and spend time with them.

But I'm gonna be very honest with you guys.

It's gonna be an emotional rollercoaster,

'cause you're gonna be on a high when that dance happens,

and as that clock ticks closer to the ending time,

you go through your own range of emotions.

I want to remind you I'm not a teacher at all.

I'm a dad just like you guys are. So we're gonna learn together.

We're gonna grow together over these next ten weeks,

but we're gonna talk about some very intentional things,

um, along this journey of fatherhood and along this journey of self-discovery.

We're gonna spend a lot of time together,

so, I want to do something to kind of break the ice.

- What's your name, brother? - My name's Keith Sweptson.

- Okay. You say S-W-E-P-T-S-O-N? - T-S-O-N.

- Yeah. - Okay.

All right, Keith, what's your nickname?

They call me Block when I was playing, you know, football.

'Cause you know, my head big, I had a big head, so they called me Block.

Drop it on.

Yeah. All the females in my family call me "Moo-Moo", but...

- Okay. Okay. - I'm gonna roll with the Moo.

In jail, they also call me, um, Kung Fu or Karate Joe.

- Karate Joe. Okay. Okay. -

That's my name around my neighborhood.

Well, my name is Scooby, but my second name was Ruthless Bitch.

Um, okay, brother, what's your name?

- Murdock. - "Murdock"?

Okay. M-U-R-D-O-Q or M-U-R-D-O-C-K?

- C-K. - Okay.

And how you get that?

- Long story. - Okay.

- We wanna hear it. - Long story. Okay.

- Is it a positive nickname? - It was murder...

It was a murder at first, then...

- Murdock. - ...then Murdock.

We will spend a lot of time together talking about fatherhood

over the next few weeks.

So whether we are physically there or not,

whether we are actively engaged on a daily basis, weekly basis,

monthly basis, or not able to, we are still fathers.

What do you think fathers miss out on if they leave?

Everything. Shit.

- - Everything.

- Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's right. - You missing a lot.

You know, we don't often think about how memories are formed for our kids.

Like, where their memories come from,

um, and what memories are stored with them for a long time,

so this is a... a great opportunity

for guys who have not seen their daughters in a while

or just... just to connect and bond.

Um, a big part of this is just a snapshot into what your future life will look like

because you'll be on the outside, no matter what your sentence is.

The goal is to stay out. I know everybody's goal is to stay out.

I don't think anybody here is saying,

"Man, I can't wait to get out so I can come back here again."

I told both of my daughters' mothers

that I'm not going to be a father like how my father was,

but I keep getting locked up.

I got to be there for them,

and I keep being in and out their lives.

That... that hurt inside of them girls, it... it... it...

It show. They act a certain type of way when you ain't there.

Right.

And you just... you kind of hit the nail on the head. Murdock, what you got?

My daughter, at the age right now where she's ten.

When I started messing with her mother, I was 15, and her mother was 13.

Okay.

And we had her when I was 16, and her mother was 14.

- Wow, okay. - So...

You've grown up with having children.

- Exactly. - Yeah.

My child's mother, her father wasn't in her life.

He was locked... He... he's still in jail. Yeah, he been in for a long time.

And I think that if she would've...

I don't think she... we would have been messing with each other like that

'cause we was at an age where it's though, you know, kids like,

"Who? Her father over there? Shit. I ain't goin' over there."

- Right. - You see? "Hell nah."

- It's a different approach you had. - Yeah, exactly.

So that's how I want my daughter to feel about me.

Like, with my friends, I'm macho. With my girl, I'm a lover boy.

With my kids, I'm the hero.

You see what I'm saying? I turn on different for different people.

So with my kids, I just want them to know I'm the hero.

I want to be in my daughter's life because I want her to not fear,

but have it in her head, "I'm not about to mess with no boys. My father's crazy."

Hello?

Yeah, hello.

I definitely can't wait for the father-daughter dance

on June the first.

- Yeah. - Yeah. What's going on down there?

I can't wait for you to come home.

I will tell him that I'm sick of seeing myself cry

because the stuff that you do, and it wasn't my decision.

It was your decision to make and not mine.

So next... when you get out of jail, and the next time you go back in jail,

I'm not gonna even shed one single tear.

Done shedding tears

because he wanna keep doing bad stuff that he shouldn't be doing.

It's not okay.

It's affecting me.

Mostly me.

- -

Never a day in my life will ever... ever will I be a mother.

You can give me a million dollars, still not gonna be a mother.

I don't care how much money you give me. I'm not gonna be a mother.