Ashes of Vengeance

To live is to suffer.

To survive is to find meaning in the suffering.

Jesus said, "For what shall profit a man",

"to gain the world and suffer the loss of the soul."

Vengeance is mine.

Vengeance is mine!

It's hard.

I mean, it's so hard.

To the point of unbearable.

Still, I miss him so much.

I know. I feel it too.

I know how much it hurts.

I feel like I can just pick up the phone and call him.

You know, sometimes I hear his voice.

And not in my memory.

I actually hear it.

And it sounds so real.

I just can't believe he's gone.

I can't either.

It doesn't seem real.

Every problem I had, he was always there to listen.

Even though his advice sucked.

Yeah, it did usually suck.

But he was there, he was always there.

And I teased him, always telling him how much he needed me,

how lucky he was to have me,

how he could never live without me.

But the truth is I needed him.

He was my rock.

If I was strong, he was what gave me strength.

I miss him now more than ever.

Sometimes I can feel him.

I can feel him, and he is sad.

He's lonely.

Me too.

Really?

You mean I'm not just going crazy?

Well, I know he still hears us and he still talks to us.

I guess he misses us too.

And maybe somehow, don't ask me how,

but maybe when he talks to us we can hear him.

I'd like to believe that.

I would love to believe that

because then somehow it means that he's not...

Well, that's he's not...

I can't even say the word like at all.

And what about this "time heals all wounds" thing?

Really?

Because time keeps passing and doesn't seem to get better.

Well, it does, it's just that, you know,

objects in the rear view mirror can appear closer

than they are, you know?

Hey.

No, I'm not really in the mood.

I'm, um...

I'm in bed.

Not really feeling well.

No, no. Don't come over.

Don't.

She's already here, isn't she?

I really gotta start locking that door.

Weren't you just here?

Yeah, duh, of course.

I'm here everyday.

Sick of me yet?

No, don't answer that.

I don't really have anywhere else better to go.

I'm not sure here is better.

No. Of course here is.

Everywhere I got, I make things better,

and I came here to cheer you up.

Yet, you always come to cheer me up,

but it sadly never works.

Well, I know, but that's why I keep coming.

And I never give up.

I'm just gonna keep trying and trying and trying

because you know they say,

"At first you don't succeed, then you don't."

No, wait, if at first you don't succeed...

Ah, I really gotta stop drinking so much.

Oh hey,

but I know what's gonna make you feel so much better.

It's gonna make all of your troubles disappear.

Are you ready? Are you ready?

We can play Scrabble.

Oh God, how could I possibly handle the excitement?

Scrabble is so much fun.

It's like safe drugs for your brain.

Yeah, I said it.

Okay, I get your plan.

You get me so bored out of my mind playing Scrabble

that I forget all my other problems.

It's a good strategy.

Bored?

Uh, no.

Scrabble is so much fun.

Scrabble is like, it's like being naked on a high wire

waling above like an entire pit of hungry alligators

during a tornado.

Scrabble, girl, it makes life worth living!

You didn't have many friends as a kid, did you?

No.

Mostly just my teddy bears,

but eventually they found better friends.

I don't know where I am.

And there are moments where I don't know who I am.

I miss them.

I miss them so much.

Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.

But I feel no comfort.

I see no light.

Only darkness.

Only emptiness.

Family is yours.

It's the only thing that is truly yours.

And a house torn apart by division

will collapse.

I have fallen into the abyss.

And without them,

I never want to return.

You're a fuckin' pig, dude.

What?

Seriously?

Just out here in public in front of me?

I'm not really the shy type.

All right, whatever.

What do you wanna do today?

Uh, I don't know.

You got any money?

No, dude, I'm broke.

What about you?

Nah. I got nothing.

Car gas?

Um, half a tank.

All right, well, someone's got money.

Let's go find 'em.

Oh, you know, I have a friend, pretty nice guy.

Actually kind of a dick.

But he does owe me 100 bucks. - Yeah, you know where he is?

I'm really hungry, man.

Oh yeah, no, I can definitely find him.

All right, let's go.

Wait, actually, did you check her purse?

Shit. No.

I'm sorry about that.

Sorry, nice tits really distract me.

You're a fucking idiot, man.

I gotta pee.

I'll be right back.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm not spending another day with you depressed bitches.

Come on, don't you guys wanna go out?

Have some fun?

I just wanna stay home.

I'll feel better at home.

There's a whole world out there.

You're not gonna feel better trapped in here.

She's afraid.

What?

Of what?

I'm not afraid!

Oh. No, I get it.

You're probably scared to move on.

Terrified of being happy again.

So you build your walls sky high.

Right?

You know what?

Excuse me for being a little upset.

I only lost someone that I love with all my heart.

Sorry I'm not ready to party!

Honey, she just wants what we all want.

I haven't seen your smile in, wow,

like I can't even remember how long.

I really miss your smile.

Listen to me.

Expose yourself to your deepest fear.

After that, fear has no power.

And the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes.

You are free.

Wow, and I always thought you were stupid.

Where did you come up with that?

I-I didn't.

That's Jim Morrison.

My boyfriend, well, my ex-boyfriend, uh,

he would listen to The Doors all the time,

and, um, you know, I never really understood, um, The Doors.

I never liked them.

And I really just, really I couldn't understand

why any band would be called The Doors.

I...

I never really understood, so...

Because Jim Morrison would read poems and shit

all the time, and he really liked this one guy,

William Blake.

And he had a line like,

"If the doors of perception are cleansed,"

"everything would appear to man as it truly is, infinite."

I still don't know what that shit means,

but it sounds pretty cool.

Especially when you're stoned, right?