Trying

Morning.

I'm rowing the Atlantic Ocean today.

Oh, wow. Good luck.

Oh, God, it's that season again.

There'll be nowhere to park.

Okay, guys.

- So, this "launch" is at 12:00... -

...which means it is gonna be quite tight getting back for kickoff.

So as soon as he changes his mind, we're back in the car.

Last match of the season. Are you nervous?

I am a little bit actually. Yeah.

Although if we don't get a yellow card this game, it means we've come off

- the bottom of the disciplinary table. - Mm-hmm?

That's four matches in a row without a fight.

And last Saturday was the first match

that the referee didn't have to hide in his car at halftime.

- Honestly... - Ooh.

...I couldn't be prouder of this team.

Oh. Oh!

Let's make an Atlantic-Ocean- rowing-mix-up-road-trip playlist.

Yeah.

We're gonna be at the coast in four minutes.

No, that's fine. Compiling it is the best bit.

- Billy Ocean. - "(Sitting On) the Dock of the Bay."

- Yes. - "Sail Away."

No, that's wrong because that's about sailing, not rowing.

- Ooh, The Cure! Yes! - How's that work?

Well, 'cause they're a new wave band and waves are on the ocean.

The Lighthouse Family.

Yes! Good shout.

Oh, have you had your exam results emailed through yet?

No.

- I don't know where it's got to actually. - Oh.

"Surfin' in the USA."

That's the wrong ocean. Jase, if you're not gonna take this seriously then,

- I'll throw you in the sea. -

You're overdressed for this.

Well, I've never been to a boat launch before.

You're not going to one now.

Will everyone stop talking like this is a real thing?

It's just gonna be Scott flailing around in a blow-up dinghy.

Obviously, my 50-year-old husband, who has to arrange his body before he coughs

so he doesn't put his back out, is not rowing the Atlantic.

I bought champagne and a banner.

Well, do you know what?

If people weren't so quick to make banners every time,

then maybe this sort of thing wouldn't keep happening.

And besides, I found some tickets he bought us

to go and see Ed Sheeran at Wembley, in September.

He's got no intention of being in the mid-Atlantic. I can assure you.

Morning.

What the hell has he done?

Does that mean you have a spare ticket for Ed Sheeran?

They have vetoed vinyl, and...

Sorry, Freddy. Excuse us. Right.

Come here.

- Scott, who are all these people? - Hmm?

My American sponsors hired them for, uh... for final prep.

- You've got American sponsors? - I do. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, it's actually really handy having people eight hours behind.

Means there's always someone awake during my night terrors.

And you don't think that night terrors are maybe a sign

that this has gone too far?

No one ever achieved anything without a few night terrors.

Scott, come on.

I mean...

...I admit you've taken this further than most but, you know...

We all know you're not actually going to do this.

I hate to disagree with you, but in my mind, I'm already out there.

Oh, I got you something.

Um, I'm not gonna be here for your birthday, obviously,

and so I wanted you to have this now.

I thought maybe you could take Nikki.

Well, you know, maybe it's time to make up with her

or at least take some of the drama out of it.

There's no drama, Scott. I'm just not talking to her.

Hmm. It's just, I think you're gonna need her, you know, while I'm away.

Scott...

Hey.

Hey. What's the matter with you?

You were supposed to just coach him for a couple of weeks

and then lose interest like you always do.

What can I say? I'm growing.

Well, it's very annoying and it's probably gonna kill my brother-in-law.

He's sort of inspired me to move beyond what I thought possible.

Oh, bloody... Not... Not... Not you as well. You...

Wha... Oh, no. No. No.

I asked out my Pilates teacher.

Oh.

I mean, she said no, but at least I don't have to go anymore.

- Okay. - I've got it.

Ooh! Uh. Oh! Haven't got it.

Hang on. Hang on, mate. Wait there. I'll help you out.

That's all right. I've got...

Uh. Ooh!

He'll be fine.

No.

Is that another lady friend?

Yeah. Well, at my age it's five women to every man,

so as long as you can get dressed and not soil yourself.

And increasingly with the ones in the homes,

- even that's not the red line it was. - Hmm.

As long as you apologize.

Oh, look at that. Oh, that's lovely.

Princess, have your exam results still not come through yet?

No. I told you, not yet.

Oh. Just keep refreshing your email.

Yeah.

I can't believe they're still not speaking.

Oh, I like it. I'm the go-between.

They've not talked to me this much for years.

You got the forecabin, the rigger and... Oh, my God.

Look at the size of that oarlock.

Well, that's taken me by surprise, that has,

and I prepared myself for a biggun.

Yeah. Vic, can we talk?

All right.

- Debbie wants a sex life. - Oh.

I wouldn't mind, but... ...she wants it with me.

And, um, you... you don't?

I mean, cavorting round half-naked, it's just not realistic at my age.

I'm a pensioner.

I can't afford to have the heating up that high.

Also...

...I don't want her sleeping on the mattress.

I lost Sandra in the sofa,

but there's still the shape of her in the memory foam.

Someone else sleeps on it, she'll go.

She'll be erased.

Before you make any decisions, um, why don't you think about

the things that you do like about spending time with her?

Get all the life jackets, okay? Yep.

Maybe he'll be okay.

I mean, you've taught him well.

You're a rower. You should know.

Well, actually, I was only ever social secretary of the rowing club.

They didn't let me row.

What?

This was big for me.

Ooh. You're fine. You're fine. That's right. There it is. Easy.

Bloody hell.

Are you okay?

Am I the only sane one here who can see this is madness?

I mean, are we... are we actually gonna let this happen?

People do it.

The thing you're worried about is never the thing that gets you.

That's too predictable.

The guy rowing an ocean, he's fine.

It's the bloke driving home from the launch, whistling a tune,

that's who you should be worried about.

Plus, it's been a very mild season on the Atlantic.

Well, how do you know?

I've been researching. I got an app.

Look.

You downloaded an app?

What you gotta watch out for is the surface pressure causing cold air

that mixes with the warm water.

That creates fog.

- But it's been very good this summer. -

Ooh, I've got an alert set up for updates.

You downloaded an app and you set up alerts?

Hmm.

God, I've missed you.

Nikki...

I am sorry that I didn't tell you about Princess.

It's okay.

My life is full of things I wish I didn't know.

Okay. Enough is enough.

Mmm.

- - Ooh. Oi, what are you doing?

- - Karen! Karen!

It's stupid! It's stupid!

- K-Karen! - Karen!

- You're not gonna go! - What are you doing?

- No! - Hey, hey, hey.

- Wait. Okay. O-Okay, okay. Okay. - Let go!

This is my fault. I've never appreciated you

and now you feel you have to do this to be worth something.

That's not why I'm doing this, and you do appreciate me.

No, I don't.

Sometimes when you start telling me a story,

you ask me if you've told me before and I say yes, even when you haven't,

'cause I just can't be bothered to listen.

- Oh. - And now

I'm actually scared that you mean this

and that you're actually gonna do it. And I...

- I'm really scared! - No, no, no.

Please stop hitting the boat. It's what keeps the water out.

I know I haven't been as supportive of your efforts on climate change

- as I should've been but... - It isn't just about that.

Look...

this can't be another thing I nearly do, okay?

I... I can't have already done the most impressive thing I'll ever do.

That can't be it. I-I-I...

It can't all be behind me.

I can sense something bad is gonna happen to you. I know it.

I think you're gonna die.

Karen.

I am asking you to stay.

A person who loves you is asking you to stay.