Dropbear

You know, the people in Bali are just so kind.

But is it cheap still?

'Cause I heard from a mate, he was like, he went,

he went there thinking it was gonna be cheap,

and all of a sudden, cost him a fucking fortune.

Yeah, I, I go there so much now, though,

I'm like a local.

Like, I don't say at all the, the real busy places.

- Yeah. - Like, I go to Kuta.

I know some of the language like nasi goreng.

I think that goes a long way.

- What's that? - Nasi goreng, I'm not sure.

- What's it mean? - But I say it a lot.

Get on the plane, like, "Nasi goreng."

I think it means, like,

rice that's fried with stuff.

Mate, I think you are fried. (Laughs)

I've been to Bali, like, 25 times,

and I, look, I really, I, you, you are a man

with ambition who doesn't care if he's wrong,

- and you just go about. - Mm-hmm.

All right guys, I... (grunts)

Oh, oh. (Laughs)

I got it. I got it.

(fire crackling)

Oh, that's a fucking real,

that's a, that's a real man.

Oh. (Burp erupting)

Now that's a nasi goreng.

Yep. (Sniffs)

I reckon it's pee-pee time.

Yeah, all right.

Oh.

You sure you're not gonna have a chunder, are ya?

- I'll be all right. - You sure?

Thinking custardy custard.

Have another one, mate. (Camper coughing)

Oh, fuck. (Footsteps plodding)

Go ahead and take one, mate.

- Oh, fucking hell. (Laughs) - Jesus.

All right, apparently,

the tent's set to do ya, mate.

Yeah, especially when you're ugly.

(camper breathing heavily) (footsteps plodding)

(footsteps continue plodding)

(pensive music)

(urine pattering)

What the fuck?

(brooding music)

(pensive music)

(pensive music continues)

Where the hell is this guy?

Maybe we got scammed.

Yeah, Liam definitely got us scammed. (Laughs)

Babe, look. Trust me.

This, this is the real Australia, right?

- Right. - Out here in the wild.

You know, man versus nature.

Yeah, sounds great.

You know, Australia has more deadly animals

per square mile than anywhere on earth.

Kilometers.

What?

Per square kilometer.

Uh, sweetheart, I don't follow.

Nevermind.

Saltwater crocs, taipans, funnel web spiders,

death adders, there are so many, and I wanna see 'em all.

Please keep going, Ollie.

Man, I love this guy.

Yeah. (Laughs)

He knows his shit, man.

Yeah, yeah, we're gonna see some,

we're gonna see some real wildlife out here.

Are you okay, champ?

What?

Oh, this heat, you know?

Like you got ants in your pants, Liam.

Just tingling sensation, that's all.

- Mm. - Weird.

So after this, what's next?

What?

You mean after we survive the most deadly country on earth?

Yeah, I mean, like, where are we going to next?

Well, there's so much stuff to see.

We could go to Patagonia

or, or, or, or, or the Pacific Trail.

I mean, you would love the Pacific Trail.

Or we could go somewhere and, like, stay awhile.

Uh, yeah, I mean, yeah, we could,

but I mean, where's fun in that?

Yeah, where's the fun in that?

Right.

(birds chirping)

Wait, guys. Is that, that's, that's Stevo, guys.

- Oh. - Stevo.

- Stevo. - Stevey.

(laid-back music)

- Stevey. - Whoa.

- Come back. - Good day.

Whoa, God. (Gravel crunching)

- All right, man. - Whoo.

G'day, folks.

Welcome, you bloody legends, to the Stevo Irving

Crocodile Punter Extreme Wildlife Experience.

And you're about to have the most bat shit insane

Aussie adventure of your lives.

- Yeah. - Whoo.

- How the bloody hell are ya?

No, I don't think this is the legit Steve.

Definitely not. (Fingers snapping)

Hey, go chuck your bags in the back,

strap in, and let's gets you out

to where the real action happens, eh? (Laughs)

Oh, (whistles) Bazza here'll make sure

we've got the right people

and that your waiter performs a song.

Bloody sausage fingers. (Laughs)

If I get murdered out here, my mom's suing.

Get murdered out here, and no one's gonna find our bodies.

Trust me.

You'll be telling your grandkids about this trip.

If you survive.

Joking, you're all right. Come on.

- Yes. - Come on.

- That's our job. - It's not fucking funny.

No rest for the wicked. (Laughs)

(laid-back guitar music)

Hey, Mr. Irving, I think you're going a little fast.

Mate, if you're not flying, you're not driving.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, boy.

I hate this.

This is sick.

Where exactly are we going?

First step on your official Aussie initiation,

opal fossick.

What about the drop bears?

Mate, they only come out at dusk.

- The drop bears aren't real. - Yeah.

Aren't they?

I lost my cousin to a drop bear, mate.

- No way. - Yes way.

Swear on me Mom's grave if she were dead.

Took his head clean off.

Cool.

This is so stupid.

Is that right, sweetheart?

Be shitting bricks soon enough.

What?

Now if you look out here, what you'll see

is pristine Aussie living.

There's no cities. There's no traffic.

There's no rules.

That's right.

Just you and nature.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Babe, gotta soak it in.

Yeah? Soak this in.

No service, Wi-Fi, there's no point.

Hey, uh, what's that place?

It's just an old research facility, mate.

It's, uh, been shut down for years.

It's nothing interesting, mate.

(pensive music continues)

(engine continues humming) (laid-back music)

All right.

(door clattering)