Exploding Kittens

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Keep going!

I am the harbinger of the spicy rooster apocalypse.

I am a hydrogen bomb with a beard.

I hold the flames of a thousand collapsed stars.

I am...

Godracha!

Hello there, unwitting mortal.

Enter the portal, and undo your greatest regret,

such as losing the love of your life or getting hair plugs in Tijuana.

I call it the Regret Portal.

It reaches into your subconscious, finds your biggest regret,

and tempts you to go back in time to change it in exchange for your soul.

I'd probably go back

and get my Dave Matthews Band tattoo removed.

Okay. If you can sell it to the board, I suppose I'm in.

You can mention it to him tonight at the wedding.

Good chance to warm 'em up to the idea informally.

- Wedding? What wedding? - Didn't you get the omen?

It's your cousin Sheila's wedding, and we feel that it might look awkward

if you didn't attend.

Ugh! Do I have to? Sheila was part of that cool clique in high school.

They'd call me "Beelzebubulbous" every time I ate a soul.

Well, you weren't the CEO of Hell then, were you? Demand respect.

You know what? You're right.

I should demand their respect.

Good. Oh, and bring a plus one.

There are rumors floating around about why you aren't married yet.

What kind of rumors?

That you're ugly. I mean, I guess they're not really rumors, huh?

More like observations based on your face.

Anyway, I'd bring a date.

Where am I gonna find a plus one?

Mmm. Uh...

Mmm. Mmm.

Ugh!

For the millionth time, not a chance.

No way. No.

Come on! Weddings in Hell are amazing.

Plus, tonight's a big deal for me. I'm gonna pitch the board my new idea.

It's called the Regret Portal.

It allows humans to go back in time and fix their one biggest regret.

I'd go back in time, and stop you from giving it such a stupid name.

- Up top. - Right?

Hey, I'll change you back into God form for the night,

in a disguise, so no one will know it's you.

For the last time I...

In disguise? Hah. All right, I'll go.

Yes! Thank you!

Okay, I'll order us a hellhole. See you in a few.

Ooh. Someone's got a date with the devil.

It's not a date.

It's an opportunity to snoop around Hell in disguise.

Heaven's board would love it if I uncovered the root of all evil.

I'm betting it's either greed, lust, or VeggieTales.

Cheryl, it's me.

Get Aslandeus and Craig on...

Denise? Where's Cheryl?

A sick day?

Well, how could she be sick? She's a fairy.

I don't even think they have organs.

The "Horky Porky"?

Wanna go back and change it, huh?

- That's right. Fix that regret. - Hmm.

- Travis? What is that thing? - It's a Regret Portal.

Don't trip. It's just a prototype. It won't actually take my soul.

I'm going back in time to undo my biggest regret,

singing that Horky Porky song.

You can't do that. You could screw up the space-time continuum.

Yes. Yeah, I agree.

Better to just leave it in the past, buddy.

I did one stupid thing when I was little, and because some jerk live-streamed it,

I get bullied non-stop.

If I don't make it back, cover my grave in Reese's cups and hentai.

I wish to die as I lived.

Well I have always wanted to do father-son time travel with you.

Well, at least that's what my dad called it when he'd black out

from drinking bong water on his custody weekends.

No! Dad, don't you realize what...

Welcome, Travis Higgins,

to the day of your biggest regret.

Wow. This is so neat.

Maybe I should go back and fix my biggest regret,

investing my life savings in Friendster.

Okay, Dad. Look for someone streaming on an iPad.

That's the butt-dumpster who ruined my life.

Oh. SEAL Team Three. They put the "friendly" in friendly fire.

Mom, we have an emergency.

A real emergency, or one of your pretend Greta emergencies?

I need your help. There's a chance that Dad and Travis

are about to collapse the universe upon itself.

That is an emergency!

This will be so much fun.

I used to love going on missions with my SEAL team.

Except for the time when we got stranded on a mountain

and had to eat my friend Kathy's feet.

Welcome, Abby Higgins,

to the day of your biggest regret.

Oh no! It appears since you touched the portal, Mom,

we are at the day of your biggest regret.

My biggest regret? What is my biggest...

Of course.

Seventeen years ago,

I was sent to bring the world's worst dictator to justice,

Grizzly Jung Un.

We got intel he was about to attack Alaska

and seize control of their strategic flannel reserves.

I was at a crossroads.

I'd been in the SEALs for a while and wanted a change of pace.

Something came over me that morning, and I quit.

The Alaskan flannel industry never recovered.

I've never forgiven myself.

But now I'm back, and I can finally set things right by...

Oh. But that would screw up the whole space-time thingy, huh?

Well, I suppose we've already messed up the timeline simply by being here.

Maybe after this, we could bring other evildoers to justice

like Ted Bundy or the California Raisins.

Really? Oh, honey, this will be so fun. Come on.

Oh man.

Good to be back in my old body again.

I forgot how incredible being hot feels.

- Hey, where does that door go? - Dad's office. No one's allowed in.

Now remember, if a succubus tries to shake your hand,

it's polite to pull out her fingernails.

Don't make eye contact with Medusa. She won't turn you into stone.

She's just super talkative, and you'll get stuck for like an hour.

Look, it's the board.

Okay. This is my chance to sell them on the Regret Portal.

You good?

Yeah, just gonna mingle.

Do some demon-watching, you know, have a look around.

Hi. I'm...

Well , hello.

I'm Bloodvomit McSports-Hernia.

Enchanté.

So then, I says, so then, I says,

"Don't look at me, Walt. EPCOT Center was your idea."

Oh yeah!

Hello, Beelzebub. Good to see you.

You learned how to be evil yet? Maybe just become a chiropractor.

Ha, ha. Good one. Actually, I have a new idea I'd like to run by you.

Let's find our table, and I'll tell you all about it.

Oh. We told Dan he could switch with you and sit at our table.

Eh, you could sit at his spot at table nine.

You're not gonna believe this. Look at the buffet line.

Meatloaf, the musician, is standing there holding a plate of meatloaf, the food.

Come on, let's get a pic.

Wait 'til I get my hands on the jerk who filmed me.

Hey, Dad, you've led a life of humiliation.

What's more painful, a titty twister or a teste twirler?

There! There he is. Get him!

Um... Wait! Better idea.

The fire alarm.

Hell yeah. Great idea, Dad.

Come on, buddy. Let's get back.

Wow. I'm finally free.

Uh, Travis, buddy?

How could this happen from undoing one thing?

Man, false alarm!

I've had enough of these false alarms, Chief.

I need to focus on my true passion,

gene splicing!

We have to undo the undo.

So I guess we have to do the do.

Oh. That's where that phrase comes from.

No, I say we train the shark dragons to be service animals that can...

Okay, I was wrong.

Very, very wrong.

Yeah! Hell yeah!

Dictator eyeball pong rules.

Now drink, losers.

Nostrovia!

There they are. The cool girls.

Remember, you own a robocall company,

we met on Scream Harmony, and we just got back from...

Oh, what's the worst place in the universe?

Oh, I got it. San Diego.

You're CEO?

Your daddy didn't buy you a new nose,

but at least he made you head of his floundering corporation.

Well, I'm trying to fix that, but...

I just became CEO of Facebook.

The previous demon that was possessing Mark Zuckerberg died inside of him.

And is this your husband?

You both reek of that "we got a bread maker as a wedding gift

and tried to return it for store credit" vibe.