Sounds of Winter (冬のなんかさ、春のなんかね)

- Welcome. - Table for two.

Okay.

Please sit wherever you'd like.

- Towards the back? - Yeah.

Oh, that sweater.

I wore it.

It suits you.

It's cute.

Welcome.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

- Call me when you're ready to order. - Okay.

- Want to eat a cake? - Yeah.

This one?

Um…

There's something I want to tell you.

Is it okay if I speak first?

I only ask since you said you wanted to tell me something too.

Yeah.

I don't mind.

You can go first.

Thanks.

So…

The thing is…

The truth is…

I've been a really horrible person.

While we've been going out,

I cheated on you a few times

and have been attracted to other people.

Yeah, and…

I guess I tend to

fall for people much more easily than others do.

But

I'm afraid of opening up and facing someone,

and so

I end up cheating with people I don't actually have to be serious with.

Yeah.

And…

How should I say this?

I don't really understand it myself either,

but at a certain point in my life,

it seems I lost the ability to actually be in a relationship with just one person.

And?

And so…

I know perfectly well that telling you this benefits you in no way

and that it's a completely selfish thing.

I know that,

but I felt that I had to tell you everything.

I felt that I had to be honest

and tell you how I feel, including what I just told you just now.

I see.

Well,

I'll listen to everything you have to say.

Please tell me everything.

So…

From there,

I told Yukio everything I had been hiding from him,

one after the other.

How I cheated on him several times.

But how I stopped doing that recently.

I didn't mention him by name,

but I told Yukio how I was attracted to Mr. Yamada.

And how Mr. Yamada knew about Yukio's existence

because

I didn't hide from him that I had a boyfriend.

I told him how Mr. Yamada also has a girlfriend.

But

how we were still attracted to each other.

How I always told Mr. Yamada everything

that I couldn't confide in Yukio.

The truth is

the person

I really wanted to confide in,

and talk to about the pain I was feeling, was you.

But the desire to do that, and the reason for my pain

were too contradictory.

But

if I could talk about it, and share this burden with someone,

the person I would want to talk about it with the most

is you.

That's what I kept confiding to the other person about.

Then?

What did that person say?

Oh.

He said he felt the same way too.

What?

He said that his girlfriend was the most important person to him

and that she's the one he wanted to confide in the most.

Um…

Isn't that really selfish?

That goes for both you and him.

Yeah.

Wait a minute. So that person

likes his girlfriend more?

It's not that he likes you more than his girlfriend?

You were okay with that?

It didn't bother you?

You were okay with it?

Um…

So that person's girlfriend no longer exists.

Doesn't exist?

What do you mean?

She passed away.

Huh.

That person's girlfriend is no longer alive.

But he hasn't realized that yet.

No, it's not that he doesn't realize it.

He's going through life, believing that she's still alive.

And so, he had resolved never to fall in love with anyone else.

But he was struggling because he felt an attraction towards me.

He's someone

who always seemed to have death lingering close by.

At first, I might've stayed close to him because I was concerned about him.

Because I wanted him to live.

But isn't that…

Isn't that the most cowardly thing to do?

Pulling that "I feel like dying," or the "I'm really messed up" card.

And then you felt the need to stay by him because you were concerned for him?

You can't call that love.

It's cowardly to exploit another person's

kindness.

But I just ended up feeling that way on my own.

- So it's not his fault. - But that's basically taking

someone hostage.

Making someone feel like they might die if you're not around…

That's the one thing I hate more than anything.

But…

You wouldn't want him to die either, huh?

The thing is…

He always seemed to enjoy the time he spent with me.

But for him,

that very sense of enjoyment was directly tied to feelings of guilt.

So that led him to more torment.

So, yeah…

Well…

That's everything.

I…

I honestly reached a point where I didn't know what to do anymore.

But then I realized that I couldn't

just keep going on like this

and stay silent while continuing to be with you.

That's why I told you everything.

And?

What is it that you want to do, Ayana?

Do you still want to be with me?

Yes.

I see.

So, what's the situation with that person now?

We had a conversation where we agreed

not to see each other anymore, and we haven't met at all since then.

Although there's a possibility we might cross paths for work-related things.

I see.

That person is all right now?

- Yeah. A lot better. - I see.

Oh.

Happy birthday.

It's that color.

Onsen blue.

I chose that color for you.

Ayana,

let's break up.

I don't want to.

You know, I kind of sensed it.

I sensed that something was off with you.

I knew you were suffering over something.

I don't want to.

Can you listen to what I have to say too?

I don't want to.

Listen to me. I listened to what you had to say.

I want you to hear me out.

Okay. Please let me hear it.

I actually

noticed something was off even before we went to the onsen.

In fact, at Christmas,

remember I asked if you wanted to move in together sometime around summer?

When I asked you that question, your reaction

seemed a little off.

I didn't want to admit it,

but I had a feeling

it was going to end soon.

That maybe it was all coming to an end.

That's why I suggested we go on that onsen trip.

I actually thought you might turn me down. But I'm glad you had a good time.

I had a blast too.

I gave you that sweater as a gift.

And I asked you to knit me a scarf.

I thought that maybe, just while you were knitting the scarf,

you'd be thinking about me.

I had no intention of accepting it, but I had you knit it.

I'm a jerk, huh?

Today, even if you hadn't told me everything,

I was planning on breaking up with you.

That's why

I picked the laundromat where we first met as our meeting spot.

This is my first time coming to this cafe.

The thing is, we could've talked at my salon.

I could've chosen to go there instead.

Since we're closed today.

But…

If I did that, I'd be reminded of you every single day when I work.

It would be too painful to be reminded of you while I work.