House

Book you for 9:00?

Yeah. Uh-huh.

Take the day off.

Thank you.

All right.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

So what did you do?

You figured out I was in jail,

but you don't know why?

I've been busy.

Excessive prescribing.

Not that busy.

I know that you pled down to excessive prescribing,

but the question was "what did you do?"

36-year-old, non-smoking junior high science teacher

started coughing blood in the middle of homeroom.

House says he's gonna be out

for the next three days.

Sweet. If I go straight to the airport,

I can make Cabo for the last call.

Um, he also said to call him if we find a case.

Which we didn't. What do you call this?

Could be a case. Could be nothing.

Sadly, we'll just never know.

He's coughing blood.

A lot of people are.

Right now I have to get to Vernon

while there's still enough powder to ski on.

This is where a lesser man

would make a black-guy-skiing joke.

You owe me a body shot.

Make it fast. I'm driving.

I don't want to end up in jail like...

A person should who used their phone illegally while driving.

36-year-old male with hemoptysis,

headaches, chills, and chest pain.

Where are you?

On my way to the greater Schenectady chili cook-off

and spud gun competition.

That's your honeymoon?

Nope, Dominika went to A.C. with her boyfriend.

E.R. ruled out bronchitis,

pneumonia, and lung cancer.

So diagnosis--boring. It's epistaxis.

It's a nosebleed.

Blood runs into his lungs,

he coughs it back up,

flu explains the rest of the symptoms.

Going once, going twice...

Toxic exposure to ammonia or sulfites

can traumatize the lungs,

cause neuralgias or fevers.

Fits better because of his radiating chest pain.

Sold. To Masters.

Do a home search for toxins.

Draw cultures for bacteria and fungi.

You're married?

You were gone so long.

Green card.

Thanks for not saying anything.

I just need some time to...

I didn't do it for you.

Some puzzles are just too good to share.

This is my exit.

Chili?

I hate chili. Love spud guns.

You get nosebleeds?

Yeah, yeah.

You think that's where the blood came from?

I don't just think it. I hope it.

When was the last time it happened?

At the quarterfinals.

I coach volleyball, and during warm-ups

I got hit in the nose a few months ago.

You coach volleyball in a gym?

Yes.

With showers? Yes.

Clean showers? Not particularly.

The blood you were coughing up wasn't blood.

Dirty gym washroom means serratia infection.

Your lungs are full of red bacteria.

You were right. That was an interesting case.

You start him on Levaquin.

I'll start looking for my good flip-flops.

Think that might be blood.

What's this really all about, House?

As convincing as I find your deep devotion

to vegetable trajectory.

First of all, it's a tuber.

And you're just jealous because your potato-related plans

are more of the serving up fries variety.

You did time.

Means your license is suspended.

Which means your leave of absence

is definitely indefinite.

What exactly are you going back to?

I'd only have to serve up fries

until the medical board hearing.

I stand corrected.

You obviously have a rich, full life waiting for you.

I'll slow down the car and you can roll out.

I don't even have a change of clothes.

Damn. If only I'd planned for that.

Okay, here's what I got.

One, you were in jail for six months,

but you were gone about a year,

which means that when you left

you hadn't been arrested.

Two, you enjoy being known as a number.

You don't want people to know the real you,

because you think the real you is weak.

You were running...

A bleeding-heart medical consulting business

for illegals, or some other sympathetic under-class.

No.

Over-class?

This interrogation thing is getting annoying.

Studies have shown that un-annoying interrogation

is 50% less effective.

Why are you so determined to bring me to this competition?

Why don't you bring Wilson?

Wilson thinks it's stupid.

I think it's stupid.

Junior year of high school,

you placed fourth in a West Virginia

all-county science fair.

Your project, clean combustion.

Yeah, I also wore a training bra.

Things have changed.

Not that much.

I've been going to this contest for four years.

For four years I've come second

to a pissant named Harold Lam.

This is serious?

Second.

Okay.

I can help you,

but I'm going to need

to make a personal stop along the way.

What kind of stop?

Personal.

Did I not mention that?

You gonna tell me where you were last night?

I ran into a friend.

We had 50 bucks on the Bulls.

I had to eat a large pizza by myself.

You missed me.

Not as much as I miss my $50.

Where'd you meet her?

At the hospital.

If it's Masters, just lie to me.

Oh. It's the new CNA

on the third floor.

The redhead. She's hot.

And I'm seeing her again tomorrow night.

I don't know how you do it.

Is it the cute, harmless vibe,

the self-deprecating humor, or just straight-up roofies?

If you're interested,

I do seminars.

No electric, no gas either.

It's cold in here.

The good thing is I found a guy

who makes you look like a good roommate.

Maybe hoarding's a symptom.

Could be caused by brain injury

or early-onset Alzheimer's.

It's most likely that it's psychological.

As to what's making him cough blood,

dealer's choice.

Declutter your home.

The hoarder's handbook.

He's hoarding books on hoarding.

Ugh.

He doesn't have running water.

How does this guy live,

let alone make it to work every day and teach a bunch of kids?

Fridge is on. He's hooked it up to a neighbor or something.

Cat.

I might have to throw up.

He'll want to keep that too.

Aspergillosis.

Explains the coughing blood,

and if he's formed small aspergillomas,

it could explain the headache and chest pain.

I'll be in the car.

Okay, turn right.

You were writing bogus prescriptions

for medical marijuana.

Please say no because you have to be an idiot

to actually screw that up.

No.

I mean, I was, but I didn't get caught.

I have to admit, you have one of the best game faces

I've ever seen.

Also one of the best game bodies.

Pull over.

Hang on a second.

Didn't know you were a Jehovah's Witness.

Yeah, the weak lost faith when Christ didn't return