Suits

I got up early, so I could figure out

if there's anything around here that I could stand living with.

- You want to move in together? - If the offer still stands.

Are you kidding me?

You slept with Quentin while he was married to me.

I asked you back then

if anything had started before we were separated.

You said it hadn't.

'Cause I didn't want to hurt you.

Here's to your new partnership.

I fronted your buy-in.

How could you do that?

I did it as a romantic gesture.

Yeah, well, Pretty Woman may have been a romantic movie,

but Julia Roberts was still a hooker.

How long have you known Quentin had A.L.S.?

From the beginning.

And how long have you known Quentin falsified

trial results to get the drug on the market?

- He didn't lie. - But you did.

I love him. So what else could I do?

I am in this, Scottie.

Okay.

So am I.

I think Mike Ross went to a subpar law school

and has been lying about it the whole time.

Just call up Harvard and ask for a copy

of his transcript.

Professor Gerard's legal ethics class,

did you ever hear of anybody ever getting an A-plus?

No, he's famous for never giving higher than an "A."

Well, what are you so happy about?

I made bubble-wrap slippers this morning

while you were in the shower.

I specifically told you the bubble wrap

is for the dishes.

I also made a hat.

Okay, I'm moving in with a ten-year-old.

And you love me.

I do.

Hey, I was thinking,

what are we going to do about our bed?

We already have two.

I know, but, yeah, we do.

But don't you think a new beginning deserves a new bed?

That...is incredibly sweet.

Yeah, not bad for a ten-year-old, huh?

What kind of bed were you thinking?

Whichever one we pick out after we test them tonight.

And did you have any particular test in mind?

Well, now I do.

See, I don't think the store is

gonna let us run that kind of test.

Yeah. No, you're right.

We should probably just test ours before we go out tonight.

Oh.

What are you doing?

I think that Louis might have just seen us.

Come on, what's the difference?

We're moving in together.

I think it's time we stopped keeping it a secret.

But keeping it a secret is sort of fun.

- Mm-hmm. - And sexy.

And I am pro sexy-- I mean, I did make

those bubble-wrap slippers and hat after all,

which is funny, 'cause...

That's not sexy, it's just fun.

- It's something. - Something.

- Something. - I made you some too.

Hey, Harvey, she won't be back for another week,

so I don't think you need to start drinking just yet.

You want to make fun, or you want to help me

figure out where to put this?

A bottle of scotch?

You couldn't get her anything more personal?

- She likes scotch. - You like scotch.

She likes me. Therefore...

Why don't you just attach a card that says,

"Welcome, generic senior partner"?

This is a $12,000 bottle of scotch,

and this is one of three left in the world.

That doesn't say generic, that says--

You're one of three very expensive things

I recently purchased.

We worked it out about the buy-in.

And this is gonna un-work it out.

You know, it's funny.

First it was too generic. Now it's special.

What are you saying?

I don't think you have a problem with my choice of gift.

I think you have a problem with my choice of recipient.

Do you think Scottie would even be here

if it wasn't for me?

No, I don't.

Harvey, I want this for you.

I want it to work, and I'm just trying to--

Make sure I don't screw it up.

Well, we both know you're gonna screw it up.

I'm just trying to delay that as long as possible.

You sure about this?

That bottle is the reason I buy my own present

for secretary's day.

- There's a secretary's day? - There is.

And you're very generous.

How you doing, Mike?

Are you excited or what?

Excited about what?

Didn't you get my email?

Oh, there it is.

Why don't you read it?

Oh, actually, you know what, never mind.

I'll just let you know what it says.

It's so great.

You're gonna love it.

It says I invited Henry Gerard here

to give a lecture this Friday.

That's great.

You don't even know who he is, do you?

Professor Henry Gerard,

author of the definitive text in legal ethics

and chair of the department for the last 20 years.

Yeah, I know who he is.

And do you also remember what you got in his class?

It's pretty hard to forget an A-plus.

Yeah, it's pretty hard to forget a grade

that never happened.

No one gets an A-plus in Gerard's class.

Yeah, well, no one can recite an entire chapter

of his book from memory.

But I can and did. Bullshit-.

You never got an A-plus because you never took his class.

It's a required class, Louis. Of course I took it.

Not if you never went to Harvard.

Louis, that is insane.

I have a transcript from Harvard.

I have a degree from Harvard. That's because I--

Wait, let me guess. 'Cause you went to Harvard?

See, Mike, here's the situation.

I don't believe you.

And I don't want to call Gerard up and ask him

'cause I don't want the world laughing at my firm.

But if he doesn't walk up to you on Friday

and say, "Mike Ross, my beloved student

"who I remember, because he's the only one

I ever gave an A-plus to,"

well, then, I'm gonna know you're lying.

And if you still don't come clean,

I'm gonna launch a formal investigation,

whether it makes my firm look bad or not.

This is crazy. There is nothing to investigate.

Well, I'd rather risk looking crazy to root out an impostor

than to risk letting that impostor poison everything

that I stand for.

It's over, Mike.

I'm on to you,

and I'm gonna expose you

for the lying piece of filth that you are.

Don't forget to rinse your mouth out

after you're done throwing up.

== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man

Do you remember when you said if Louis knew, we'd know?

He knows.

What did he do?

He's bringing in Henry Gerard

to give a lecture. So what?

It'll only be the first time you've had to suffer through it.

He's bringing him in because he saw

I got an A-plus in his class.

What? No one gets an A-plus in Gerard's class.

- Welcome to the problem. - God damn it.

Donna, get in here.

Why are you calling Donna?

Because she's the one who found out that Louis knows

you don't have a file in the Harvard file room.

How do you know that?

Because Louis's new girlfriend

is the queen of that file room,

and she left him alone in there.

You guys didn't think to mention this?

I thought I handled it.

She did handle it.

She sent him to sniff out your transcript.

Only she didn't realize you gave yourself

an A-plus in legal ethics.

I didn't give it to myself. Lola Jensen did.

I don't give a shit who gave it to you,

unless it was Professor Gerard, which it wasn't.

How many people take the class?

I mean, maybe Mike will just be another face in the crowd.

Louis is bringing him here

to see if he embraces his star student.

The worst thing I can do is just be another face in the crowd.

We need to make it so that he doesn't come.

It's not gonna happen.

The man doesn't back out of commitments.

His favorite quote is "for the law to work,

there must be honor in one's word."

- Who's he quoting? - Himself.

Pompous prick.

Guy never practiced a day in his life,