Half Man

I'm not speaking about this.

You don't have to speak.

You have to listen.

Really?

You pick today?

My fucking wedding?

Come on, Ruben. Stop messing.

Put your top back on.

Fuck's sake.

Oh.

Oh, Niall. Mm.

Hey, come here.

Yeah? Come here.

I am proud of you, yeah?

- You know that? - (BREATHES SHAKILY)

You look gorgeous, so you do, huh?

I tell you, if I wasn't family,

I'd get up and underneath that kilt right away.

- Ruben. Ruben, don't. - What?

I'm telling you, you look gorgeous. Come on, show me.

There's nothing to show, Ruben.

I've got boxers on underneath, for Christ's sake.

Aw! Boxers.

- Stop teasing me, you little minx. - (NIALL KENNEDY GASPS)

Oh. Hey. Here.

Come here. Look at me, look at me.

Listen.

Look at me. Hmm? Hey.

We might not flow through each other's veins,

but we flow through each other's brains,

- you get me? - Please, I don't think that--

One more time, eh? For old time's sake.

I just need to hear it.

- Before I lose you forever. - You're not serious.

Go on. Say it. What am I?

Your brother from...?

Another lover.

Beautiful.

- (SOUND DISTORTING) - (HIGH-PITCHED RINGING)

- (YELLING) - (BELL RINGING)

(ECHOING) Come on.

Give us your best, you little fag.

- (SOUND DISTORTING) - (HIGH-PITCH RINGING)

What is this, Niall? Oh, fucking stickers.

- (BULLIES LAUGHING) - Indiana Jones?

That film is gay as fuck.

- I'm gonna have these. - No, please! Gus!

- (GRUNTS) You fuck. - (GASPS, GRUNTS)

You can keep one, okay? I'm not a monster.

- Pick one. - (BULLIES CHUCKLING)

- Second to last. Good.

- (BREATHES HEAVILY) - (STICKER RUSTLING)

Open up.

- (BULLIES SNIGGERING) - (LAUGHS)

Okay, degenerates, settle down, settle down.

Right.

As we know, the prelim exams start this week.

Are we aware of how important they are?

Prelims are your safety net.

For whatever reason, you miss your finals.

You get hit by a bus,

you come down with the bubonic plague...

These exams are your "get out of jail with an appeal" card.

Have I emphasized their importance enough?

(MUMBLING) Yes. - Positively spellbinding.

Right. Moving on. I should probably make you aware

that a new student will be joining the class from tomorrow.

One Ruben Pallister.

Something the matter, Kennedy?

No, no, it's just...

Did you just say... Ruben Pallister?

That's right.

A new pupil you can show off your sparkling personality to.

Ruben will be transferring

from Polmont Young Offenders Institute,

and will be re-sitting two years,

which means he'll be a little more feral

than the rest of you. Any questions?

Nobody. Good. Open your jotters.

We'll pick up where we left off yesterday.

- (SOUND DISTORTING) (MUFFLED) Page 16.

- Kennedy? - (NORMAL SOUND RESUMES)

Did you listen to what I just said?

What? Yeah. 'Course.

What did I just say then?

Ruben's back.

Mum, it's Niall.

(OVER PHONE) Honey, I'm working. What is it?

It's... It's Ruben. He's out. He's coming to school.

Look, love, now is not the time, all right?

He's not staying with us, is he?

We can talk about this when I pick you up.

- But, Mum-- - (LINE DISCONNECTS)

You should have said about Ruben.

Oh, piss yourself! You're a 15-year-old boy.

I've given you life I don't need to give you respect.

Look, I'm sorry, okay? I should've told you.

And keeping with the theme of surprises,

he's moved into your room.

What? No way!

What did you think that second bed was for?

We were almost begging you to ask.

- I thought it was for guests. - He is a guest.

No, he's not. He's a psycho. He bit someone's nose off.

I've seen the guy, too. It's horrible.

His wife left him and everything.

- (EMERGENCY BRAKE CRANKING) - (SIGHS)

Look, you're not to talk about this, okay?

Nobody in this town knows about that.

The last thing that boy needs is folk whispering.

Don't bite people's noses off then.

No. (SHUSHES) You're not to speak this way

- in front of Maura, all right? - Oh, you always put her first.

She was only supposed to be living with us

for six months. And now her kid is moving in?

Come on, Mum. He's a psycho!

Her son getting out is a big deal.

He's been away for two years. For Christ's sake.

This is happening, Niall, so get used to it.

- (FLOORBOARDS CREAKING) - (OBJECTS CLATTERING)

Remember me, Bambi?

Last time I saw you, you were about yea high.

Grown at least two feet since then.

Maybe more.

You've got the exact same sized head though.

It's creeping me out a bit.

You helping, or what?

We can't have this shit up.

Not if we're bringing birds home.

Here.

Get to it then, Bambi. Grab a bag, get stuffing.

Here. Take that poster down and put this up.

Put it up then, you dick!

What the fuck you staring at?

What? Nothing.

- (RINGING STOPS) - (NIALL GROANS)

Looks like Pallister's a no-show.

Off to a great start.

All right, everyone, open your jotters.

We'll pick up from yesterday.

Right, what's going on here?

Kennedy.

Open your jotter.

No.

Open, boy.

- (STUDENTS CHUCKLING) - Who did this?

Own up. Come on.

Uh... Me, sir.

You? You called your own mum a dyke?

No, I... I... I called someone else's mum a dyke.

Really? I know firsthand from your essays,

your grasp of irony isn't that strong.

So, come on. Who did this?

- My mum's not a lesbian. - I beg your pardon?

I said, my mum is not a fucking lesbian!

- Right, come with me. - Get off me, you nonce!

- What did you say? - Like to touch young boys, do you?

You fucking old poof!