Corporate

Imagine a forest.

You're chopping wood,

immersed in nature,

removed from the oppressive modern world.

Pure, organic salt, sweat, and hops.

You reach for a brew,

but you don't want a regular beer

brewed by soulless machines.

You want something crafted by hand,

because you're unique, different from other people.

Better. You're a special man.

Imagine the heart and soul of a 1,000-year-old tree.

Imagine an apple that tastes like God.

Imagine the Patriot Act never existed.

Imagine true freedom. Congrats.

You've now imagined Matt's Brew.

Imagine an eagle.

Because beer can be better.

So what'd you think?

I think brewing your own beer is a sign of a lost person.

Jake, it's me inside this bottle,

and I want you to taste me.

No, I don't like beer.

I don't like beer either, but this is craft brew.

You are acting like a frat guy.

Craft brew is a rebellion against frat culture.

No means no!

No!

My brew...

The infamous graffiti artist known as TradeMarq

has struck again.

We may not know his identity, but we certainly know his work.

He's lambasted businesses

and governments across the world

with his satirical street art and subversive epigrams.

TradeMarq has been referred to

as the faceless face of counterculture.

His latest target? Hampton DeVille.

Last night, TradeMarq tagged

their Midwest corporate headquarters

in solidarity with the protest over Hampton DeVille's

controversial use of super fracking.

Super fracking pulls 15% more oil out of bedrock,

while poisoning groundwater for 12 square miles.

This has prompted a fierce backlash.

Hampton DeVille!

Can you believe TradeMarq tagged the building we work in?

He was actually here. He's my favorite artist.

So you're a part of the craft beer movement,

and now you're telling me you think street art is cool.

Let me guess, you're also into vinyl.

Yeah, well, the sound is warmer.

Street art lost all its integrity years ago.

It got co-opted and commercialized,

just like the presidency.

On my way into work today,

a protester threw a mango smoothie at me.

Now, this 24-ounce smoothie was purchased from Smiley Juice,

a quick-service health food retailer

that happens to be a subsidiary of Hampton DeVille.

That protester may not have known it,

but he's our customer.

I look out there, and do you know what I see?

People I've muted on social media.

I see an untapped market.

Protesters are hypocrites.

Oh, they hate corporations,

but they love buying the things that corporations make

with their mommy's credit card.

And we are going to turn these anarchists into customers.

But first, I want to meet TradeMarq.

Oh, uh, with all due respect, Mr. DeVille,

TradeMarq is impossible to find.

Nobody has ever seen his actual face before,

except for maybe his mom, but nobody knows who his mom is.

- Just find him. - Got it.

Oh, in the meantime,

get a Hampton DeVille food truck down there.

Idiots love food trucks.

This food truck is awesome. They have Sriracha mayo.

I'd bathe in Sriracha mayo

is I wasn't so afraid of what it would do to my privates.

How did people even survive before Sriracha mayo?

- Sriracha mayo! - This line is ridiculous.

Can we please just go to Chili's?

Jake, come on.

There's a real energy out here, okay?

- We're a part of something. - No, we are not.

These people have no idea what they're talking about.

They're protesting oil,

but they drove their cars to get here, which run on oil.

Or they rode their bikes. Bikes have gears.

Oil. Their phones? Oil.

Their hair? Oil.

Oh, my God, is that Richard?

What are you tools of the oppressors doing here?

We're buying overrated, overpriced food

cooked in a truck. How are you?

I read an Internet article on super fracking, and it's bad.

You people should be ashamed to work for Hampton DeVille.

I was, which is why I quit.

You were fired. I did your exit interview.

I actually agree with you.

I don't like corporate stuff either.

That's why I started brewing my own beer.

Here, have one.

No!

I'm here to see TradeMarq.

He's expecting me.

You've vandalized my company,

you've insulted me personally,

and you've incited a protest against everything I stand for.

But I don't want to be your enemy.

You represent the counterculture.

What I bring to you today is a counteroffer

to the counterculture, a partnership.

You design a line of anti-Hampton DeVille products,

and we handle the manufacturing and distribution.

Huh. Maybe.

Jill, what do you think?

I think being anti-brand is really on-brand for you.

Hampton DeVille is particularly evil,

and that works to our advantage.

Uh-huh. Harold, any concerns?

Honestly, I hear Kanye West

recently signed a partnership with Monsanto,

so I think we're living in a brave new world.

I don't imagine any backlash.

I spent the last decade sneaking around at night,

climbing buildings, and evading cops,

and can I be honest with you?

I'm tired.

I think a more structured work environment

might be good for me.

Get the Executive!

No! No!

No! No! Please!

No! No! No!

And that's what plays in my brain on a constant loop.

Super fracking is my baby,

and they want to make my baby illegal.

If those protesters break in,

I am going to come at them like one of those moms

that lifts an entire car to save her kid.

Whenever those moms do that,

I get so worried about their backs.

Mm.

Hey, do you guys know where the 2:00 p.m. pitch meeting is?

So, anyway, she didn't want to try my brew.

And then we watched a documentary

about the top ten genocides,

and sat on opposite sides of the couch, and did not kiss.

It was the best date I've had in a really long time.

Well, it's good you're putting yourself out there.

Oh, brews in the office. Hell yeah.

Ah.

Hey, you're the guy from this beer.

- Ha. - You're TradeMarq.

Allegedly.

I mean, I'm wearing a mask.

We're all wearing masks in our own way,

if you really think about it.

- Yeah. - But, yeah, it's me, TradeMarq.

Hi, I'm Man... Matt.

I meant "Matt."

Nobody's name's Man.

So you're a brewmaster?

- That is tight. - Yeah.

- I love hops. - I-I love hops.

I mean, IPAs are sort of an acquired taste,

but I've already acquired it,

so that's kind of where I'm at right now.

Yeah, man, cool.

I'm designing a lot of anti-corporate products

for Hampton DeVille, and today's my first day.

Would you mind showing me around the office?

Yeah, uh, I'll show you anything you want.

Oh, great, lead the way.

It'd be... honestly, it'd be a honor for me.

Real... really cool to meet you,

and you're a great person that I like.

Well, I definitely hate what just happened there.

He reminds me of every guy I dated

before I had self-esteem.

All right, so we're liking

the "Corporations Are Evil" coffee mugs

and the "Stop Drilling" condoms.

And we're all onboard with the T-shirts that say

- " Hampton DeVille"? - I love it.

my company. Ooh, that'll sell like crazy.

TradeMarq is such a sellout. I mean, I am too,

but he's not me, so I hate him for it.

He's not a sellout. The only way to beat the system

is to turn the system against itself.

And we got Frisbees with my catchphrase,

"The Only Way To Beat The System

Is To Turn The System Against Itself."

See?

Your entire personality is stolen from a think piece.

Hey, what about glow sticks and sack hacky?